Sex Talk Pt. 16 – When and How to be Intimate

Shortly after I released the last blog I received a DM from a gentleman who is a good friend, of a good friend of mine. The gentlemen asked me some questions about intimacy. He had valid questions and asked if I could do a blog about intimacy. I’d never gotten a request for a blog before, and asked him some questions in return. Long story short, he thought it may be helpful if I spoke about when and how to be intimate with someone. I’m honored and hope to offer some value to him and anyone else who may need help in this area.

Intimacy by definition is either closeness and familiarity, or an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse. But that’s not all it means. Intimate moments are special, memorable. Even in a non sexual sense. Cozy, comfortable settings are welcoming. You feel like you can be vulnerable there. The ability to create a setting where people feel at home, where they feel comfortable is a special skill. I’d argue that the same is possible when it comes to sexual moments.

Sexual intercourse is simply science. Its physical, its chemical. But nudity and friction are not enough to create intimacy. It takes submission, vulnerability, and courage. Submission of yourself, your body, and your mind. You are giving it all to the other person, and to that moment. Vulnerability is required because you’re exposed; naked physically, chemically, and emotionally. Which is exactly why it takes courage. Because you’re giving it all, exposing it all, and have no clue what the outcome will be. Which is scary as fuck, and can be different every time.

There have been moments that I took time to cultivate and build bravery for where they turned out well. I studied every note I had on said person and worked to create a moment for us. It took time, patience and knowing the person well. In some moments it worked like a charm. In other moments I was completely shut down and told there was no way. There have also been moments when I could feel it in the air. I read the room, felt her vibes, took a leap of faith and went for it. Again, some were a success, others were complete failures.

Intimacy has a lot to do with timing, people and chemistry as well. Knowing when to take your shot is an art within itself. How did Jordan know when to shoot over two defenders? How did the Quarterback know to throw it so his teammate could catch it in stride? It’s hard to know, and harder to explain. Sometimes it feels right, it looks right, and stil goes wrong. Because its a roll of the dice. You have to pay attention to the signs you’re being given, and be brave enough to go for it.


1 – Create a vibe. Light a candle. Play some smooth music. Make them comfortable. It helps them build bravery and acceptance.

2 – Pace yourself. You can’t just strip them down and pounce on them if you want intimacy.

3 – Fully give yourself to the person.

4 – Fully give yourself to the moment. Focus on nothing else.

5 – Be brave enough to take a risk. Go for it. Take a shot. Roll the dice.

6 – ALWAYS seek consent. If they aren’t down it can’t happen. NEVER force things. It MUST be organic.


1 – When it feels right to you. When you know inside that this is the moment.

2 – When you are ready to take the leap of faith and give it a try.

3 – When you see the signs and feel that the two of you are in alignment.

4 – When you have consent to move forward. If they only allow first base that’s okay. There’s always later. Everything doesn’t have to happen now. Do what they allow, don’t push for more.

Remember that trying to start things with a new person is different than trying to create an intimate moment. Trying to start sex or sexual acts isn’t the same thing. Intimate moments are often more sensual than sexual.

Quick Links:

My Book

48 Replies to “Sex Talk Pt. 16 – When and How to be Intimate”

  1. Hello. This article was really motivating, particularly since I was searching for thoughts on this matter last couple of days. Lona Alberto Genisia

  2. You completed various fine points there. I did a search on the subject and found most people will go along with with your blog. Letti Krishna Omarr

  3. I think other website proprietors should take this web site as an model, very clean and great user pleasant style and design. Kimmi Rorke Kirby

  4. hello!,I love your writing so so much! percentage we communicate more about your post on AOL? I need an expert on this area to unravel my problem. Maybe that is you! Having a look forward to see you. Esma Obediah Encrata

  5. These kind of post are always inspiring and I prefer to read quality content so I happy to find many good point here in the post,writing is simply great,thank you for the post. Leodora Douglas Noami

  6. My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog. He was entirely right. This put up truly made my day. You can not believe just how so much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!| Clotilda Hanan Holmen

  7. Hi there. I discovered your web site by the use of Google while looking for a similar topic, your site got here up. It looks good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then. Lidia Leonerd Oralle

    1. Thanks. I’m curious, can you elaborate? What other topics would you like me to write about? I’d love to take more requests. I also do the videos because I’m fully aware that in this day and age many prefer to see the video as opposed to reading the blog. So I try to accommodate both groups of supporters.

  8. Hi there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really
    appreciate your content. Please let me know. Cheers

    1. Hey. Thanks for reaching out. Thanks so much. Yes please, feel free to share. Thank you for your time and support.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *