When you’re dating someone new, or in a non-committal relationship (friends with benefits or something of that nature), its easy to have tunnel vision and be locked on your wants, needs and desires. Often friends, family and co-workers will encourage you to focus on yourself because you’re not committed to that other person. They may be a play thing, or a friend who you’re also intimate with, but they aren’t your significant other. Due to a lack of commitment many are quick to neglect that persons wants, needs, and even their perspectives in situations. I’m here to tell you that, that isn’t always the best way to go about things.
When dating someone, you may not be committed, but the two of you are building a bond of sorts. You’re spending time, learning each other, and learning about each other’s mindsets, beliefs and perspectives. Whether you’re intimate or not, whether you’re open to the relationship becoming more or not, you’re getting to know this person on many levels. Therefore, completely ignoring their feelings and perspectives isn’t good. First, its inconsiderate to say, “fuck your feelings”, and only focus on your own. Second, they are humans just like you and exercising empathy is seldom a bad thing.
I’m not saying that you have to compromise your feelings for theirs. I’m not saying you have to erase your perspectives and embrace theirs. What I am saying, is that hearing them out, and considering their perspective or feelings costs you nothing. If you want to eat at a Mexican restaurant, and your friend wants Chinese food, you’d hear them out and possibly offer to go to a fusion restaurant or maybe something that offers options you can both enjoy. This isn’t very different. Especially if the person is a friend with benefits.
When dating someone brand new, this may be a little different, but it’s worth mentioning because empathy goes hand in hand with humility. Being stubborn, staying locked in your own mindset doesn’t help you, the other person, or your situation. As the saying goes, you catch more bees with honey than vinegar. I know it’s easy to say, “Oh well, I’m single. I don’t care.” In that moment of selfishness, you may not care, and you may say, “fuck it”. But later on, you’re going to want to hang out, go on a date, grab a drink, or speak to this person. It behooves you to at least consider them and their perspectives on things.
