Posted on by J.D.

Sex Talk Pt. 16 – When and How to be Intimate

Shortly after I released the last blog I received a DM from a gentleman who is a good friend, of a good friend of mine. The gentlemen asked me some questions about intimacy. He had valid questions and asked if I could do a blog about intimacy. I’d never gotten a request for a blog before, and asked him some questions in return. Long story short, he thought it may be helpful if I spoke about when and how to be intimate with someone. I’m honored and hope to offer some value to him and anyone else who may need help in this area.

Intimacy by definition is either closeness and familiarity, or an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse. But that’s not all it means. Intimate moments are special, memorable. Even in a non sexual sense. Cozy, comfortable settings are welcoming. You feel like you can be vulnerable there. The ability to create a setting where people feel at home, where they feel comfortable is a special skill. I’d argue that the same is possible when it comes to sexual moments.

Sexual intercourse is simply science. Its physical, its chemical. But nudity and friction are not enough to create intimacy. It takes submission, vulnerability, and courage. Submission of yourself, your body, and your mind. You are giving it all to the other person, and to that moment. Vulnerability is required because you’re exposed; naked physically, chemically, and emotionally. Which is exactly why it takes courage. Because you’re giving it all, exposing it all, and have no clue what the outcome will be. Which is scary as fuck, and can be different every time.

There have been moments that I took time to cultivate and build bravery for where they turned out well. I studied every note I had on said person and worked to create a moment for us. It took time, patience and knowing the person well. In some moments it worked like a charm. In other moments I was completely shut down and told there was no way. There have also been moments when I could feel it in the air. I read the room, felt her vibes, took a leap of faith and went for it. Again, some were a success, others were complete failures.

Intimacy has a lot to do with timing, people and chemistry as well. Knowing when to take your shot is an art within itself. How did Jordan know when to shoot over two defenders? How did the Quarterback know to throw it so his teammate could catch it in stride? It’s hard to know, and harder to explain. Sometimes it feels right, it looks right, and stil goes wrong. Because its a roll of the dice. You have to pay attention to the signs you’re being given, and be brave enough to go for it.

How:

1 – Create a vibe. Light a candle. Play some smooth music. Make them comfortable. It helps them build bravery and acceptance.

2 – Pace yourself. You can’t just strip them down and pounce on them if you want intimacy.

3 – Fully give yourself to the person.

4 – Fully give yourself to the moment. Focus on nothing else.

5 – Be brave enough to take a risk. Go for it. Take a shot. Roll the dice.

6 – ALWAYS seek consent. If they aren’t down it can’t happen. NEVER force things. It MUST be organic.

When:

1 – When it feels right to you. When you know inside that this is the moment.

2 – When you are ready to take the leap of faith and give it a try.

3 – When you see the signs and feel that the two of you are in alignment.

4 – When you have consent to move forward. If they only allow first base that’s okay. There’s always later. Everything doesn’t have to happen now. Do what they allow, don’t push for more.

Remember that trying to start things with a new person is different than trying to create an intimate moment. Trying to start sex or sexual acts isn’t the same thing. Intimate moments are often more sensual than sexual.

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