Sex Talk Pt. 3 – Setting Boundaries & Being Open Minded

Today we’re going to discuss two things which go hand in hand. When both of these things are in place, sex flows smoothly, foreplay is fun, and all parties involved will have a blast – pun intended. The first thing is being open minded. That means that you are willing to try new things and more specifically, new things with your partner. The other thing is that you two will set boundaries. This is when you explain to each other what the, “deal breakers”, are. You are setting limits that feel safe and healthy to you. If each person is open minded, but sets healthy boundaries. the sex can reach a whole new level. This won’t always be the case right off of the bat, but it definitely can happen that way too.

Trying new things can be scary, nerve wrecking, and foreign territory for many. However, if you’re not open to trying new things, then the sex can become, very repetitive, boring and eventually, monotonousness. Even doing your favorite position every night will get boring at some point. We all like a little change, a switch up, some spontaneous fun that we didn’t expect. But in order for that sort of thing to happen you have to be open minded. Maybe something that your partner is into is cool and different. Maybe they know how to put a twist on something that will excite you. If you don’t try it, you won’t know. This can be anything from role playing, to a sexual position, bringing sex toys into the bedroom, the list goes on.

The reason I say that you should also be willing to try things with your partner is because different people do things differently. Everyone doesn’t two step the same way. Some people add a dip to it, or a spin move. Everyone doesn’t tongue kiss the same way either. The same way that you have preferences, they do as well. And the same way you have skills, they do as well. They’ll most likely do something you like, and they probably have more up their sleeves. However, if you aren’t willing to explore these things with them, it will only limit the sex for you both. 

For example, if you had a terrible experience trying anal sex, its natural to not want to do it again. However, if it’s not 100% off limits, and you trust your partner, then give it a shot. Clearly anal sex is an example, but there are many examples we could use. Don’t let your past dictate your future. Don’t let one bad experience ruin your sex life. You never know what you’ll like or not like if you don’t try it. And if you don’t try it with different people, you may stay stuck avoiding something you could possibly love. Grandma’s food doesn’t taste identical to your aunts, even if that is her daughter. Maybe auntie has a great dish you refuse to try because grandma sucks at making it. Same concept. If it’s not completely off limits to you, try that shit. Remember, trying doesn’t mean diving into the deep end  You can always start by dipping your toes in the water, or even just having a discussion about doing it in the near future. Your comfort is what’s most important. 

That being said, we all have things that are off limits. These are things that to us -individually – are completely off the table. That is one hundred percent fine and we all have them. Some have many, some have very few. Either way, expressing them helps greatly. If I know what’s off the table then I know what not to do, and how to proceed with everything else. Knowledge is power, especially in the age where data has more value than dollars. When both parties let each other know what’s off the table then you know what your limits are, and theirs, and you can have a good time by skipping those things. It also brings clarity to what is negotiable, available, and what you’re willing to try. If i thought you were against me pouring hot candle wax on you, but it’s not off the table, then maybe that will encourage me to set up a lovely candlelight dinner at my place which ends with you blowing out the candles, just after the wax is poured all over you. Maybe that will turn into a lovely series of photos we’ll both save and cherish along with the experience we had. Communication is key, and when we know what’s going on, we can plan better, flow better, blow better. Okay, maybe not that last one, but who knows …

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