Sex Talk Pt. 10 – Being Spontaneous

Sex can be great. Especially when the chemistry is right and you’ve gotten to know your partner well. When you know exactly what buttons to press, it’s a blast. But that can change rather quickly if you don’t keep things exciting. Which can prove to be challenging for partners who have been together for a while. So, here’s a way to help keep things fun.

Being spontaneous means doing things differently, possibly randomly, but definitely not routinely. Its very easy to slip into a routine when you’re with the same partner for a while. You might hit a few of your favorite positions, or a few of theirs and that’s it. Or maybe you mix it up, but there just too much sameness overall. Well, then it’s time to think outside of the box. Getting creative and adding some spice to your sex life can be both fun and rewarding.

When you’re stuck in a routine or just not having fun anymore, it’s best to switch it up. Taking a second to think about what may be fun, or what you haven’t done with this partner can change the game. In fact, you can even do something that the two you haven’t done in a long time. Building anticipation can be fun in itself. But catching your partner off guard is even more fun. There are tons of ways to make it happen, but the point is, fun begets fun. Even throwing the routine away for a night (or day) can be a blast.

Making things different, thinking outside the box, or simply being creative is its own reward. Now, when your partner sees that you’re trying to do new or different stuff to spice things up, they’ll greatly appreciate it. They’ll reward you as well. They’ll express their appreciation one way or another. And the experience will be rewarding for you both. Everyone wins when you switch things up.

Being spontaneous means being willing to do something different. Being on your toes and ready to do something beyond the norm (whatever that is for you and your partner). You could take the kids to a sitter and surprise them with an empty house where only candles provide light. That’s different. That works. You could also surprise your partner for lunch break, and give them oral sex in the car and then buy them a meal right after. It all works. You just have to be creative and think about what’s fun for the two of you.

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Sex Talk Pt. 9 – Positions

When it comes to positions there are some fan favorites and some very popular ones. Missionary is the default and many are fans of “doggy style”. But there are many other positions that are available to us. Some positions are better for clitoral exposure and others are better for hitting G-Spot. But which are better? And why are they better?

Well, as always you should be asking questions and speaking with your partner. Everyone likes different positions for different reasons. If you’re good with multitasking, then posotions that give more exlosure to the clitoris may be better for you. Perhaps you want to stimulate the clitoris during penatration. Or, if you are more focused on the G-Spot then you want to look into some other ones.

You can find different positions to try and to master in karma sutra books, online with a quick Google search, and even in porn. My advice is that you try a bunch of positions and see which ones you like. Make note of the ones you’re fond of even if your partner isn’t. This isn’t to be greedy, but partner’s change over time, and you should also know what you like. Just remember to also make note of which ones your partner did and did not enjoy as well. Then discuss those positions and see which ones you two would like to continue doing and which you should cease doing.

I remember years ago I was in a book store with my best friend. On one of the display cases was a book about karma sutra. I was a young adult (I think 20) and never heard of that. So I bought the book and began to learn and try different things. There’s still a few positions I’ve yet to try from the book. But I’ve tried many of them and with different partners. Sometimes I’ll pass my partner the book and ask them to choose one they’re interested in. Then we talk about it and try it in the near future.

Here’s a few of the positions from that book that you may want to try:

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Sex Talk Pt. 3 – Setting Boundaries & Being Open Minded

Today we’re going to discuss two things which go hand in hand. When both of these things are in place, sex flows smoothly, foreplay is fun, and all parties involved will have a blast – pun intended. The first thing is being open minded. That means that you are willing to try new things and more specifically, new things with your partner. The other thing is that you two will set boundaries. This is when you explain to each other what the, “deal breakers”, are. You are setting limits that feel safe and healthy to you. If each person is open minded, but sets healthy boundaries. the sex can reach a whole new level. This won’t always be the case right off of the bat, but it definitely can happen that way too.

Trying new things can be scary, nerve wrecking, and foreign territory for many. However, if you’re not open to trying new things, then the sex can become, very repetitive, boring and eventually, monotonousness. Even doing your favorite position every night will get boring at some point. We all like a little change, a switch up, some spontaneous fun that we didn’t expect. But in order for that sort of thing to happen you have to be open minded. Maybe something that your partner is into is cool and different. Maybe they know how to put a twist on something that will excite you. If you don’t try it, you won’t know. This can be anything from role playing, to a sexual position, bringing sex toys into the bedroom, the list goes on.

The reason I say that you should also be willing to try things with your partner is because different people do things differently. Everyone doesn’t two step the same way. Some people add a dip to it, or a spin move. Everyone doesn’t tongue kiss the same way either. The same way that you have preferences, they do as well. And the same way you have skills, they do as well. They’ll most likely do something you like, and they probably have more up their sleeves. However, if you aren’t willing to explore these things with them, it will only limit the sex for you both. 

For example, if you had a terrible experience trying anal sex, its natural to not want to do it again. However, if it’s not 100% off limits, and you trust your partner, then give it a shot. Clearly anal sex is an example, but there are many examples we could use. Don’t let your past dictate your future. Don’t let one bad experience ruin your sex life. You never know what you’ll like or not like if you don’t try it. And if you don’t try it with different people, you may stay stuck avoiding something you could possibly love. Grandma’s food doesn’t taste identical to your aunts, even if that is her daughter. Maybe auntie has a great dish you refuse to try because grandma sucks at making it. Same concept. If it’s not completely off limits to you, try that shit. Remember, trying doesn’t mean diving into the deep end  You can always start by dipping your toes in the water, or even just having a discussion about doing it in the near future. Your comfort is what’s most important. 

That being said, we all have things that are off limits. These are things that to us -individually – are completely off the table. That is one hundred percent fine and we all have them. Some have many, some have very few. Either way, expressing them helps greatly. If I know what’s off the table then I know what not to do, and how to proceed with everything else. Knowledge is power, especially in the age where data has more value than dollars. When both parties let each other know what’s off the table then you know what your limits are, and theirs, and you can have a good time by skipping those things. It also brings clarity to what is negotiable, available, and what you’re willing to try. If i thought you were against me pouring hot candle wax on you, but it’s not off the table, then maybe that will encourage me to set up a lovely candlelight dinner at my place which ends with you blowing out the candles, just after the wax is poured all over you. Maybe that will turn into a lovely series of photos we’ll both save and cherish along with the experience we had. Communication is key, and when we know what’s going on, we can plan better, flow better, blow better. Okay, maybe not that last one, but who knows …

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