We all have cravings and desires. I’m not only talking about cake and ice cream either. Your partner may have amazing tongue skills and more. They may know your body well too. But if you’re not expressing your cravings, the things you desire, then it will be challenging to get them fulfilled.
Knowing what you want is hard enough. Then comes the inner debate about expressing or not expressing those things to your partner. You may think that what you’re craving is too much for your partner. Or perhaps its something small, but too wild for your partner’s taste. If you’re leaving it to chance, or hoping your parner is Professor X, there’s a low probability of you getting what you want.
So how do you get what you want? How do you get your cravings fulfilled? By expressing them. Which can be scary and difficult. However, often, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. It also means that if you don’t express, you won’t receive. Embracing your desires, expressing your cravings, and empowering yourself can all be synonyms.
Speaking up is powerful. Asking for what you want isn’t wrong. I think we should embrace it. I think our partners should too. I think more of us should speak to our partners about what we want and crave. I think if we did, it would make things easier, and may even let your partner learn more about you and the kinks you’re into. Pushing away your desires, pocketing your cravings, only stops you from gaining maximum satisfaction. Express it, embrace it, do it.
When it comes to positions there are some fan favorites and some very popular ones. Missionary is the default and many are fans of “doggy style”. But there are many other positions that are available to us. Some positions are better for clitoral exposure and others are better for hitting G-Spot. But which are better? And why are they better?
Well, as always you should be asking questions and speaking with your partner. Everyone likes different positions for different reasons. If you’re good with multitasking, then posotions that give more exlosure to the clitoris may be better for you. Perhaps you want to stimulate the clitoris during penatration. Or, if you are more focused on the G-Spot then you want to look into some other ones.
You can find different positions to try and to master in karma sutra books, online with a quick Google search, and even in porn. My advice is that you try a bunch of positions and see which ones you like. Make note of the ones you’re fond of even if your partner isn’t. This isn’t to be greedy, but partner’s change over time, and you should also know what you like. Just remember to also make note of which ones your partner did and did not enjoy as well. Then discuss those positions and see which ones you two would like to continue doing and which you should cease doing.
I remember years ago I was in a book store with my best friend. On one of the display cases was a book about karma sutra. I was a young adult (I think 20) and never heard of that. So I bought the book and began to learn and try different things. There’s still a few positions I’ve yet to try from the book. But I’ve tried many of them and with different partners. Sometimes I’ll pass my partner the book and ask them to choose one they’re interested in. Then we talk about it and try it in the near future.
Here’s a few of the positions from that book that you may want to try:
There are plenty of horror stories of people not being able to climax because their partner didn’t know they had to do something specific, or their partner switched what they were doing and it altered the course of their climax. There are also stories of people feeling like they needed to put forth tons of effort to get their partner to the finish line. What if both of these could be avoided? What if a simple tool could help everyone win in all situations? What would we call this tool? Communication is the tool. Let’s talk about the act, of communicating.
Communicating is vital in all relationships. Both sexual and non sexual relationships can thrive or fall apart completely if there isn’t affective communication. Talking with your partner isn’t only important, it can be the key to climaxing, connecting more, and building better chemistry. For example, I’ve been in situations where I was on the reviving end of some A-Class oral sex. It was amazing, I was nearing the finish line, and then she stopped. We had vaginal sex afterwards and I was beside starting over. The sense was gone. Later on, I told the woman that I was nearing my climax when she stopped, and she angrily asked, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”
See she, like me – whenever I’ve been the giver and not the receiver – would have continued for another moment or so to make that climax cum to forwishing (pun intended). Yet without the knowledge of it being near, and a jaw on the verge of “locking”, she felt it best to throw in the towel. I can’t blame her. I’m guilty of stopping in a similar situation or two. But if you tell me you’re about to cum, as 112 once said, “Baby I ain’t go nowhere”.
When we communicated with our partner it provides information, it can alleviate stress, and even bring excitement to a situation. Keeping your partner in the dark is foolish, a waste of time and effort. Being assertive, expressing what you need and want, are more effective and more helpful. Help those who are trying to help you. Once we are transparent about these things, the path ahead will be a much smoother ride. And you’d be surprised how willing they are to reward you for communicating that to them.
Grooming has many definitions. However, if you want to know how it applies to sex that narrows things down a bit. Having a tidy appearance is the definition of grooming we want to focus on. The question you’re probably asking yourself is, “What does that have to do with sex?” Well, it has lots to do with sex and I’m going to dive into it and explain.
Regardless of you preferences, we all agree that some type of upkeep has to be done on various parts of the body. Nails, hair, and more all play a part in our appearance. Each of those things are also part of the show when sex happens. If your nails aren’t filed, or if they are too long, they can cause issues. If you have hair so long and untidy that it’s giving people hairballs that’s an issue. These things each have the ability to cause conflict and disrupt the flow of things during sexual activities.
There is nothing wrong with having hair or long nails. To be clear, what I’m saying is that these and other areas require upkeep. They require for us to keep them in some type of order. Jagged nails are just one example. You can be caressing a partner and turning them on, and then be doing the total opposite because of your nails. The same is true of hair in all of the many places it grows. Hair can create different sensations and change appearances, tastes, and more.
. A helpful rule is to give yourself a once over – in the mirror is most helpful – and see what’s out of place. Some things may just need a quick adjustment, others may need a lawn mower – small joke. But remember that you and your partner have preferences and needs. You want to keep the both of you in mind. If you expect them to be bald in some places and have filed nails, what are they expecting of you?
As always you want to speak with your partner and see what works best for all parties involved. For example, I don’t have an issue with a woman having long nails if they are filed and kept. I also encourage women to have pubic hair if it is what they like. I just would like to be able to please them without needing a machete to do so. I think everyone likes a clean workspace and to be pleased. Speak with your partner, ask questions, be respectful and keep things looking good. Remember, the more aesthetically pleasing things are, the better.
Personal hygiene is how you care for your body. This practice includes bathing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth, and more.
Healthline.com
Personal hygiene is our topic this week. It may seem like a no brainer, but it’s not something we should assume that our partner just has mastered. Also, in part two of my dating tips, I spoke about asking questions. You and your partner may view hygiene differently. For example, rag vs no rag (or loofah) when washing. Whichever your choice is may vary from your partner’s. The difference in opinion and cleaning styles can make a big difference.
Hygiene is a weird topic to talk about. People are finicky and this is a sensitive topic to talk about. Especially in 2020 when people “ghost” others for the slightest thing(s). However, the way we take care of our bodies varies from person to person and can affect the bedroom if you’re not careful. I encourage you to talk about this topic. Just tread softly.
There are definitely days when you want to please your partner and see what they taste like after a full day of being up and about. But what if it’s not one of the days you feel that way? What if you’re trying a new natural deodorant and its not working as well as you’d like? Or, what if you just came out of the gym and are all sweaty? Sweaty can be sexy, but not if it taste like, “oh no”. 🤢
Years ago I was seeing a woman who was so concerned with personal hygiene that she washed twice every shower. She used two diferent soaps, and then put a scented lotion all over her body. She smelled just as irresistible as she looked. Especially after she was done moisturizing. However, after a few months I asked her why she never skipped the “kitty” when she did this. She said she wanted to make sure there was never a reason for a man to turn away from oral sex. I totally understood. I asked her could she skip that area next time. I told her that I appreciated her methods and reasoning, but I also wanted to fully taste her. She obliged, and I made sure we both enjoyed ourselves.
On another occasion I had just got home from work, and got a booty call. I said yes, without knowing how soon they’d arrive. When they said they’d be at my place in just a handful of minutes I panicked a bit. I’d showered just before going to work, and work wasn’t very busy. But I prefer to be fresh for my partners. There wasn’t enough time for a bird bath or a quick wash up. So I used a pack of wipes that a friend gave me. They were scented and “for men”, but I’d never used them before. I gave my areas a quick wipe down and finished as they called saying they’d arrived. Things got heavy quick and she started giving me oral sex. Almost immediately she stopped and asked me what I’d done or used to make “him” taste so bad. I was embarrassed to say the least.
To conclude I’ll say this. We all have different styles and scents we use. We all have different natural smells and odors. Your partner has to smell and taste whatever is going on with your body, “private parts”, mouth, etc. Be curtious and think of your partner. Have a conversation with them and see what they like and don’t like. Then you should be able to discuss their routine, scents, etc as well. Keep things mutual, keep things light, and tread softly. Increasing the communication, and the cleanliness are always a good thing. You may not have to change anything, but if you did, it would be for both party’s benefits. Remember, when people enjoy things more, they do them more often.
Today we’re going to discuss two things which go hand in hand. When both of these things are in place, sex flows smoothly, foreplay is fun, and all parties involved will have a blast – pun intended. The first thing is being open minded. That means that you are willing to try new things and more specifically, new things with your partner. The other thing is that you two will set boundaries. This is when you explain to each other what the, “deal breakers”, are. You are setting limits that feel safe and healthy to you. If each person is open minded, but sets healthy boundaries. the sex can reach a whole new level. This won’t always be the case right off of the bat, but it definitely can happen that way too.
Trying new things can be scary, nerve wrecking, and foreign territory for many. However, if you’re not open to trying new things, then the sex can become, very repetitive, boring and eventually, monotonousness. Even doing your favorite position every night will get boring at some point. We all like a little change, a switch up, some spontaneous fun that we didn’t expect. But in order for that sort of thing to happen you have to be open minded. Maybe something that your partner is into is cool and different. Maybe they know how to put a twist on something that will excite you. If you don’t try it, you won’t know. This can be anything from role playing, to a sexual position, bringing sex toys into the bedroom, the list goes on.
The reason I say that you should also be willing to try things with your partner is because different people do things differently. Everyone doesn’t two step the same way. Some people add a dip to it, or a spin move. Everyone doesn’t tongue kiss the same way either. The same way that you have preferences, they do as well. And the same way you have skills, they do as well. They’ll most likely do something you like, and they probably have more up their sleeves. However, if you aren’t willing to explore these things with them, it will only limit the sex for you both.
For example, if you had a terrible experience trying anal sex, its natural to not want to do it again. However, if it’s not 100% off limits, and you trust your partner, then give it a shot. Clearly anal sex is an example, but there are many examples we could use. Don’t let your past dictate your future. Don’t let one bad experience ruin your sex life. You never know what you’ll like or not like if you don’t try it. And if you don’t try it with different people, you may stay stuck avoiding something you could possibly love. Grandma’s food doesn’t taste identical to your aunts, even if that is her daughter. Maybe auntie has a great dish you refuse to try because grandma sucks at making it. Same concept. If it’s not completely off limits to you, try that shit. Remember, trying doesn’t mean diving into the deep end You can always start by dipping your toes in the water, or even just having a discussion about doing it in the near future. Your comfort is what’s most important.
That being said, we all have things that are off limits. These are things that to us -individually – are completely off the table. That is one hundred percent fine and we all have them. Some have many, some have very few. Either way, expressing them helps greatly. If I know what’s off the table then I know what not to do, and how to proceed with everything else. Knowledge is power, especially in the age where data has more value than dollars. When both parties let each other know what’s off the table then you know what your limits are, and theirs, and you can have a good time by skipping those things. It also brings clarity to what is negotiable, available, and what you’re willing to try. If i thought you were against me pouring hot candle wax on you, but it’s not off the table, then maybe that will encourage me to set up a lovely candlelight dinner at my place which ends with you blowing out the candles, just after the wax is poured all over you. Maybe that will turn into a lovely series of photos we’ll both save and cherish along with the experience we had. Communication is key, and when we know what’s going on, we can plan better, flow better, blow better. Okay, maybe not that last one, but who knows …
Exploration is the name of the game. Whether you are in a relationship, single, having a one night, stand, or an orgy you want to explore. Explore your partner’s body. I cannot stress how important, informative, and fun this can be. Whether you enjoy learning, enjoy pleasing your partner or are just looking to have a fun time, this will be beneficial to you. Today’s tip is all about exploration.
When you go on vacation you usually go to a cool place you heard about, a place you were really curious about, or maybe a place that just caught your attention and sparked some curiosity. How you discovered the place you are traveling to isn’t the focus. What happens once you book the flight, cruise, or whatever, is that anticipation begins to build. You begin getting excited and your curiosity grows even more. You wonder what kind of food they have, or where the cool places to go are. You may be going to relax, you may be going to turn up, but either way you plan on checking out a few spots to see what places leave a mark on your mind and make the experience memorable.
If you’re like me and many others, food is one of the things on the top of that list when you go somewhere. You’ve probably got a whole list of places you want to go to taste and sample things. You plan to do some sight seeing, maybe some bar hopping, and eating is usually close to the top of the priority list. Well, I advise that you treat sexual experiences similarly. Approach them with a curious mind, an eager mind, and a mind prepared for adventure.
Take some time to really check out everything that your sex partner has to offer. Survey the land, check out a few hot and cold spots, and taste a few things. There are tons of ways to do this. You could ask the person to lay naked and you could kiss every curve and crevice. Or you could begin with a pat down. Roaming their body with your hands while they are clothed and maybe step it up to a strip search after a few minutes. Another tactic is to mix it up. A little touching, a little tasting, and see how they react to each of those sensations in different places.
It may be true that certain “hot spots” are universal for the most part. But you will have more fun discovering their secret spots, and the spots that you didn’t expect to turn them on. You may just find a spot that makes them laugh, because it’s sensitive or tickles. But even that discovery can be kept in your back pocket for a later time. No discovery is a waste of time in my opinion. You may also be unintentionally helping your partner learn things about their body, likes, and dislikes, as well. Perhaps they never knew that their knee cap was a sensitive spot for them. Until you kissed and licked on it they never knew how much of a turn on it was for them.
Another reason to take some time out to explore is that this helps build anticipation for what’s coming next. And no, that doesn’t mean intercourse. Just because I’m telling you that I’m going to explore your body, that doesn’t mean that I’m going to go directly from head to toe. Maybe I’ll start at the feet and work my way up, maybe I’ll start at the head and work my way down, maybe I’ll jump around a bit just to throw you off. You keep the person guessing, and excited simply by bringing a bit of mystery to the game.
Check it ALL out. Anything that you and your partner are okay with. IF you are both comfortable with it, then try it. Taste it, feel it, and see what happens. If you’re not aiming for a quickie then this is the perfect way to add time to the clock, make things a bit more fun, and build anticipation. While they lay there happy and guessing, their body is building up, getting tense or loose, and the mind is running wild trying to guess what’s next and how it’s going to feel.
In closing, you will literally see the benefits of this activity. More so, you can take your sweet time, or do a quick version. You can do as much or as little as you like. I find that the more thorough you are the more fun it is for you both. However, that is up to you. As long as you are both comfortable and enjoying the experience that’s what matters most. The goal should be to have fun, and learn something new about either yourself or your partner. Explore the front of their body, the back of their body, and just make sure that you both know what’s off limits. You’ll be surprised how much fun you could have. And, when it’s all over, if you’ve got a good partner they’ll say, “My turn”, and then they’ll explore your body.
There are tons of songs, with catchy lines that say let’s have sex. There are entire apps dedicated to dating with the intent of sex, and “Hook up” apps like Tinder. Some of my friends are having lots of sex, some aren’t having any. But, we all think about, and talk about sex in some form or fashion pretty regularly. So, let’s talk sex.
In 2020, especially after society has been allowed to come outside again in most states, it seems like everyone is ready to jump into sex. Many have been stuck at home for months and weren’t able to get any. Others were home with a significant other and were getting it in as often as possible. Regardless which situation you were in, it’s summer, and masks probably aren’t the only thing you want people to take off. .
Sex is great, right? Wrong. Sex CAN be great. And you have to ask yourself what the difference is. Sex has the potential to be Earth shaking, pregnancy scaring, and even life changing. But let’s be real, that’s not what happens on a regular basis. At least not for everyone. Some people are out there having horrible sex, and settling for it. There are others having a great experience time in and time out. There are a ton of things that contribute to either experience. Lighting, mood, music, smells, tastes, the partner, your feelings towards them and more.
The question I pose is what can YOU do to enhance your sexual encounters? Well, here is my answer. It is the first and most important of many answers. It will be our focus today. I believe that this is similar to happiness. Hear me out. Many of us were taught that you need certain things to be happy. But that default list of things, that template is not true for everyone. The same goes with sex. I may need to tie someone up, and blind fold them to feel satisfied. You may need lots of oral sex, followed by intercourse. A third person may need lots of foreplay and then to be held afterwards to be good. Truth be told I’ve been all three of these scenarios at different times.
If the sexual needs are different, then the path to satisfaction must be different too right? Wrong. I believe that happiness comes from within. I also believe that sexual happiness starts from within. Your mental is the core of your being. The mind gives out messages to every system in the body. It’s the control center. This is true for sex as well. Mind over matter, is quoted often and is constantly relevant. The reason remains true, it starts within you.
Start by seeking sexual happiness. Ask yourself some questions and allow yourself to answer those questions. The answers may be extremely helpful.
What is it that makes you cum? What is it that turns you on? Are you having sex to cum? What are you looking for out of sex? Is sex just about you? How open are you to having sex? How open are you to trying new things?
If you start with yourself, then you can move forward. But going into sex no knowing what you want, what you aim to do, what your needs are, or how much you want to focus or not focus on your own pleasure, can make all the difference.
Here’s a quick example before I go.
Years ago, I dated a woman who loved anal sex. She was crazy about it. That was a huge turn on for me. But even though she loved anal sex, and we were both anticipating it, I remember one night when it wouldn’t work out no matter what we tried. Oral sex and making her cum before doing anal didn’t work. Fingering her asshole before trying to insert myself, didn’t work. Using lots of lube and a toy, didn’t work. And using a ton of lube, and trying to get inside of her raw didn’t work either.
Finally I asked what’s wrong. I asked if she changed her mind or felt pressured. I told her that we could do it another time. She expressed that she did want it, and was really frustrated that it wasn’t working out. We decided to take a break, listen to music, and just cuddle for a bit. A little while later we gave it a try, and it was a smooth and successful session. Her frustration was making her body reject things. Her mind and lack of patience interrupted things. Once she was calm and ready to receive, things went smoothly.
Sometimes you have to clear your mind, and simply embrace what’s going on right now. But first you have to be ready to do so. Talk with yourself, and figure out what your wants and needs are. Figure out what you are here for.
Hey Intellectuals! This this week we are going to dive into the next and very important piece of the puzzle of dating someone new. It actually doesn’t matter if you are deep into dating or just met someone on an app and are trying to build interest and see what the chemistry is like. Today’s dating tip, is on a very simple, forgotten word. Today’s dating tip is all about consistency. Consistency is major, vital, important, necessary, and all of the other synonyms you can think of. Put a gold star on this one, its really important.
Being there, showing up, coming to class daily, is work. Think about perfect attendance. That is when a person shows up every day no matter what. There are even jobs that reward employees who never call out sick. Why is that? Why should a person who shows up be rewarded? Just because they showed up? NO! They are being rewarded because showing up daily, being there every day is work. And that work should be appreciated and rewarded. In dating this also remains true.
We often sweep this under the rug. Some even say that if someone hits you up daily they are thirsty and its a turn off. Well that may vary and be a perspective that changes on a person by person basis. However, when people are seeking a connection, when people are building with someone, one of the things that matter and make you stand out from the pack (believe me, there are usually others seeking their attention too), is that consistency. Being the person who checks in regularly, who sends a text, who makes a call, who sends a DM, makes you stand out. It also boosts your stock.
Does that mean you have to do this on a daily basis? No. Does it mean that at 6am every day you have to send a text as soon as your eyes open? No. What it means is that you should be showing your interest regularly. Everyone likes attention. Everyone likes being checked on. You enjoy it, and so does the other person. So show them you like them. Show them you are INTERESTED. It takes a few seconds to send a text, to press call, or to send a DM or even an email. And doing so regularly, consistently, will help. It lets the person know that you want to see what’s going on with them, that you are interested and that you are TRYING!
I’m not saying that you have to blow up their phone with texts, calls, and emails. I’m saying that we should be showing interest and trying REGULARLY. That’s all. It’s really simple and can make a big difference. Especially during Covid19, lockdowns, etc. It shows that you took a second to reach out and say hi, or how are you feeling, during all the current chaos and confusion going on. Its a clear sign of showing that you want to stay connected. And, lets be real, plenty of people are pushed forward simply because they show up. When you’re always around, it’s also hard to ignore you.
So, go be consistent. Go show up. Go show interest. Go try.
Recently I discussed the importance of asking questions. Gaining information, learning, creating solutions and gaining insight all come from asking questions. That segways into our next topic. Which is really just the larger picture. Although this term is often looked at as basic, it is vital in any relationship. And it couldn’t be more important when dating someone new.
in the era of ghosting, dating apps, and short attention spans communication is probably more important than ever. Especially with lockdowns, restrictions, and social distancing complicating the dating scene even more. The layers of complication seem to be mounting against the single crowd. Without communication and a few other tools I don’t see how you’d get through it all. So, let’s speak a bit about communication.
It seems that in 2020 basic communication is almost a foreign notion. There are all types of assumptions and expectations that seem to come out of thin air. Covid19 hasn’t helped that one bit. In fact it’s over complicated some things and simplified others. The first date may just be a video chat now. But even if that is so, you’d have to communicate to set that up.
You’d need to know when the other person’s free, what’s the best time or date for them, and a slew of other things. Doing things spontaneously or off the whim is fine and can be exciting. However, without clear communication things may fall apart rather quickly. One of the keys to any relationship is clearly communicating. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, spouse or best friend. You need to speak and be clear about things.
For example, I am against smoking cigarettes. Better said, I prefer not to deal with anyone on an intimate level if they smoke cigarettes. However, I am obligated to express that to anyone I talk to. If we are exploring things, trying to establish a bond, or even if we have chemistry, a simple cig can tarnish the evening. I’ve made exceptions before and they were respectful. However, even then, I needed to express my limitations.
It is true that asking questions is vital and brings important information out. However, we cannot assume that the other person will ask us a laundry list of questions. We must take responsibility and communicate. At minimum people need to know your intentions, your limitations, your expectations, and so on. Even if we are talking about a, “hook up”.
If you and someone else have established that you’re attracted to one another, everyone got tested (for STIs and Coronavirus), and is ready for fun, great. What next? Consent obviously, but what else? They may just be coming over every Wednesday night at 9pm for a smash and dash, and then jumping in an uber. Sounds great. But not if you’re not communicating properly.
They would need to know when arrive, when to go, can they stay over, do you have roommates, and much more. Again, we cannot assume that they will ask questions or know everything. Letting them know what’s going on prior will make for a smoother time. “I have a roommate, a cat, and after 9pm I’m free all night. If you want to stay over you can, but I have to leave home at 8am to do _____”. That is informative, helpful, and clear.
If you want less mess, communicate more. I’m not saying tell them your deep dark secrets. I wouldn’t go that route. But decide what you need to express, and so in a calm and clear way. I am pretty sure that both parties will benefit from it.
Being an adult requires you to juggle multiple things at once. Your focus has to be laser sharp to make sure that you’re doing everything you need to do, and you’re where you need to be at all times. You’ve got to worry about laundry, dishes, work, possibly kids, and …
Sometimes you have amazing sex and feel like you’ve gotten a taste of heaven. Everything from the first kiss, to the last thrust, went great. You and your partner both feel great! Now what? Get up, clean up, give them a high five, and get dressed? I’m sure you know …
Summer is well on its way. Some people are going to be having summer flings. Others are going to be turning up with their partner. But everyone loves to have a good time during the summer. Here are a few ways to turn the heat up with your partner. 1. …
