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Why Faking Has To Stop

There’s an entire culture around faking orgasms. Women may be famous for doing it, but even men are known to fake an orgasm on occasion. Most women who are faking, are doing it to make their partner feel good. The idea is that their partner feels accomplished and successful. However, this actually does more damage than good.

A 2019 study found that 57% of the women they surveyed (via the internet) faked an orgasm to make their partner feel good. These ladies are with partners who are falling short. Instead of being honest these ladies are lying. Perhaps they think they are doing a good deed. I’m not 100% sure what drives them to do this. What I can say is, these numbers are alarming. In fact, each lie is contributing to a culture I disapproved of.

Male centered, misogynistic sex is legit and pretty dominant. Its the reason why for years in movies you only saw the man “finish”. Its the same reason why for far too long women were told to be submissive and satisfy their man in the bedroom. The misogyny continues in the bedroom, and lying to stroke that man’s ego reinforces (in his mind and others) that he should be the focus. That he’s “the man” and he should beat his chest after conquering another lady.

The male ego is fragile and perhaps that’s why these women are lying. But these fraudulent orgasms are only boosting the egos of men who are greedy and self centered. The reality is that sex should be mutually beneficial. Both people should strive to please each other and make every session as pleasurable as possible. The reality is, enforcing these lies is hurting women not helping them. You’re telling that partner they’ve done well, when in reality they haven’t done well enough.

There will be times when you don’t reach orgasm during sex. That isn’t a crime, however unfortunate it may be. Whay should happen when your climax isn’t reached is where the game changes. This is where I offer a solution. My solution is communication (yes again). Speaking to your partner allows them the room for growth, and the time to focus on your needs. If they came, and feel good, great. Now they can catch their breath and do whatever they must to return the favor. They have a mouth, hands, and more.

If this time is taken to learn your likes, and focus on you, it will also show them how to make you cum. It will help them step their game up, which in turn helps you. If they too are dedicated to making the pleasure mutual, and making you feel good, then this really isn’t a difficult ask. Even if they view it as a task, they should be willing to deliver. If not, they may not be worth your time. That decision is yours and yours alone. But please stop the faking.

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How To Give A Clitoral Orgasm

People with a clitoris can have different types of orgasms. Many of us know of the vaginal orgasm. This is often seen in movies, shows and adult films. In those scenes a woman reaches ecstasy while being penetrated. An orgasm is great, and the vaginal orgasm has been the spotlight in public and in Hollywood. People worship them and yearn for them. However many studies have shown that women struggle to reach their climax during vaginal sex for a number of reasons.

While many women may struggle to reach a vaginal orgasm, the cliroral orgasm shows other results. Women who have clitoral orgasms during sex have also said (in studies), that it made it easier for them to reach a vaginal orgasm. But what is a clitoral orgasm? A clitoral orgasm is when the clitoris is stimulated to the point where it brings a woman to orgasm. The climax comes from the clitoris being stimulated.

A clitoris is full of nerve endings. In fact is has twice as many as the tip of the penis. That means it’s twice as sentive. What you need to do is communicate with your partner and see what there preferred type of clitoral stimulation is. Studies have shown that some women like an up and down motion, while others like a circular motion. A few in the study says they prefer not to have direct stimulation. Meaning, they don’t want direct action on the clitoris. You can stimulate the clitoris by lickkng, sucking, rubbing, and even kissing it.

In conclusion, you want to help a woman achieve orgasm(s). The cliroral orgasm is achievable if you stimulate the clitoris. Speak with your partner and see what type of stimulation they like, and give them plenty of it. Because studies have also shown that 7/10 women have an easier time achieving a vaginal orgasm after having a cliroral orgasm. This can be the assist that you need, or just another way of making your partner cum, and feel great. Either way, the cliroral orgasm is a great thing and now you know how to help her have one.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Why Marathon Sex Is Important

Sex is something we all need and crave. But how much sex? One and done? Three rounds? These answers may vary based on timing, partners, mood and more. One thing is for sure, there’s nothing like an all day/night sex session.

We all need a good bang out session every now and then. I’m talking about the type of sex that happens for hours and hours and when its over you’re both drained, and the memory is etched in your brains. Both of you have released many times, and you’ll probably never forget it. Laying there, your soul floating above you, your energy in the negative, a few body parts sore, and a grin on your face.

Having sex all night is mentioned often in songs, movies, and shows. But its not something we do regularly. And if you’re in a lengthy relationship its probably been a while since you’ve done it. Which is sad, because it’s great and serves a great purpose in my opinion. Besides it leaving a long lasting impression on both parties, it does something else that’s pretty fantastic.

Long, extended sex sessions aka marathons are great for resetting out mind, body, and desires. Just think, in one long session you can release as many times as you can take, pass out for a bit, and release some more. On top of that, you can do a bunch of things you’ve been craving or wanting to try. The best part is, this can be done for a special occasion, a three day weekend, or that vacation time you had to take before you lost it. Its a good idea anytime. Most of all, if done correctly neither of you will forget it for a long time.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 23 – How And When To Have Selfless Sex

Selfless sex? Like forget about myself? Completely forget about myself? Yes. Sometimes you have to do this. But when? And why?

I’m a big believer in sex being mutually beneficial. I believe pleasure should be mutual. Too often people only care about themselves and their own needs during sex. However, there are also times when you need to completely forget about yourself and your needs. That’s right, nothing for you and everything for them.

I’m not saying that every time should be completely about them, and your needs should be neglected. Definitely not. But, there’s nothing wrong with putting your needs in your back pocket and completely making it about them for a day. Hit all of their spots, do all of their favorite things, and let them know you want them, and appreciate them. Even if you’re not a fan of talking during sex, let them know before or after. Vocalize that this session is all about them, and showing your appreciation for them.

When: Once in a while. Maybe once a month, or once every three months. It depends on how often y’all get down, and how things are flowing with the two of you. A great time to do this is if you see they are feeling down, or need a little bit of a “pick me up”.

How: Forget about you. Forget about the things you yearn for. Focus on them, and them alone. Do all the things that they like, all of the things that they crave, put them in their favorite positions, and most importantly, tell them that this session is all about them. Tell them you appreciate them, and desire to please them.

To conclude, we all like feeling special. There’s nothing like being the complete focus of a sex session. One episode about a different character won’t ruin the show. In fact, it often helps. Who doesn’t like being told nice things, while all of their favorite things are being done to them, while all of their needs and wants are being met? Whispering nice things to them as you do all of the things that they like, will definitely get you extra points. It’s a gift, that keeps on giving. A gift that won’t be forgotten, and perhaps they’ll return the favor in the near future. But even if they don’t, you will given them a memorable moment, and that’s a win for you too.

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The Coding of a Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 22 – How to Make a Bedroom Playlist

Bedroom Playlist like any other playlists are focused on vibes. You want to keep a few things in mind when creating one. The mood you want to focus on, the tempo you’re trying to set, and your partner. Remember that this playlist will be something you listen to together. So you want to make it enjoyable for the both of you. Keep that in mind when choosing the genre, tone, and tracks.

Step 1:

Open your preferred DSP (Digital Streaming Platform) like Tidal, Spotify, Apple Music, etc.

Step 2:

Decide what genre(s) you think are best for you and your partner.

Step 3:

If you know some artists for that genre then search their names and choose a track or two that fit the tone/tempo you want the playlist to have.

If you don’t know anyone in the genre you can search the genre itself and songs, artists and other playlists will pop up. Choose from the search results.

Step 4:

Once you have a song you want to choose press options and add to playlist. Then you’re going to press “Create New Playlist”. Add a name and the track will upload to the playlist.

Step 5:

Continue to add songs to the playlist that match your criteria. Once you have at least 15 songs you’re ready to go.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 20 – Learn How To Turn Your Partner On Before Sex

Sex can be great. It can be fun, hot and heavy, and it can overwhelm your senses in a good way. But have you ever been in the opposite position? When someone just tries to get sex to happen without doing anything to turn you on? Like they just expected you to be “hot n ready” like a Lil Ceasars pizza? Have you ever been the person expecting your partner to be ready to go, just cause?

Its true that in some situations you’d assume your partner knew what time it was. But even in booty call or pre-planned moments you shouldn’t assume. Its best to never assume. Because when you assume you skip stuff, answer for the other person, and force the two of you into awkward moments. Which could all be avoided if you took the time to turn them on.

Now, if you’ve been with more than one partner in your life, you know that everyone has different needs, wants and desires. So its imperative that you learn your partner. You need to learn their likes and dislikes, but you also need to learn how to turn them on. Its not just a flick of a switch for everyone. And even wanting to have sex, doesn’t mean they’re turned on. Remember, arousal is physical and mental.

In order to best serve your partner, in order to have great sex, you need to know how to turn them on. You need to know what buttons to push, at what times. What sends them into high gear with the least amount of efforts? What’s their favorite thing that turns them on little by little? Do you know those things? You should. It would benefit the both of you.

In closing, you want to speak to them, study them, and learn how to get them from not in the mood, to “take me now”. The answer isn’t always oral sex or intercourse. Once you’ve found those things out you can take things to new levels. It could be something visual, audible, or physical. It could be a mix of all of them. Maybe they want their ass rubbed, while you choke them, and call them gorgeous. Who knows? Its your job to find out, and its not their job to just be a green light for you to go whenever you want.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor: Part 1

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Sex Talk Pt. 19 – Why You Shouldn’t Rush Oral Sex

Often oral sex is looked at as a task. Something that people expect or request. They look at it as a way of warming up the engine. But they try to skim through it. Racing through oral sex, hoping to turn their partner on just enough to move on to the next thing. The reality is, rushing oral sex is a terrible idea, that should never be done.

When you rush oral sex the other person can often tell. Especially if they have received good oral sex in the past. If its a partner you’ve been with before, they know your style and can probably tell that you’re rushing it. That alone could be destroying the very vibes you’re trying to create. Oral sex is a journey, not a quick sprint.

When you try to just dash to the finish line and move on, it takes away from the process. It truly is a process. Its getting a person from one place to another. But don’t think of it as taking them to the corner store. Instead, think of it as taking them to the next town. I’m not saying that it needs to be a three state road trip, but it should be worthwhile. You should focus on the process and enjoy taking them through every step of it.

If you focus on them, and the process, it will become an experience. It will become something that they enjoy. Let them take a ride with you, and drive them to the land of climax. This is something they’ll remember, think back on, and probably reward you for. But the moment is where you should be. Zoning in on what you’re doing and the goal at hand. And that goal is their pleasure, not yours. So keep that in mind.

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The Coding of a Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 18 – Taking Notes Will Improve Your Sex Life

You’ve got a million little things to do. One of them is your partner. If you care about pleasing them, or simply having a good time, then this tip will be helpful. Getting to know your partner takes time. As time passes, what people like and dislike will change. In the moment, many things can happen. You probably won’t remember every detail of every sex session.

If you want to pass the class, you have to take good notes. That doesn’t just apply to college courses. You can be good at sex, you can pay attention to details, but if you don’t take notes, you’re going to miss out on a lot. You could also just forget stuff. Being busy, and having lots on your mind, can make you forget vital information.

Do you need to have a physical notebook? No. Do you need to jot things down in your phone? No. Whichever you choose is fine. If you think your memory is good enough, you can use that. But these bookmarks, or sticky notes, will make a big difference.

Simply put, there are things that stand out in a good and a bad way during sexual moments. Foreplay, oral sex, intercourse, and after sex cuddles, all provide you with information. What you do with that information is up to you. Seeing those things is one skill, knowing what to do with that information is another. And, that information could be about them or about you. Either way, its good to be able to look back at those notes later on.

Taking notes will give you a slew of things to look back on, reflect on, use, or improve on. If your notes say your partner likes “Thing A”, you can do it more often. If your partner says they love when you wear blue underwear, you can make sure to have that color on next time you see them. Or, if you have a list of things they don’t like, you can skip that on focus on what they do like. You can also take notes on things you like and don’t like. Data collection is step 1. Reviewing and using that data is step 2.

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The Coding of a Bachelor: Part 1

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Sex Talk Pt. 15 – Chemistry

Sometimes sex feels like it’s just flowing. It feels like it’s effortless, easy and fun. Other times sex feels like you’ve got to put in a lot of work mentally to even make it happen. One of the reasons this could be happening is because of chemistry. Chemistry isn’t just a science class where you learn how to combine elements. Breaking Bad was cool, but this is about another topic. Simply put, chemistry can take sex to levels you didn’t imagine. It can be with someone you have been with for eons, or a person you just met.

When things seem to click between you and another person, that’s chemistry. When things seem to just be seamless, that’s chemistry. When there’s a special, undeniable connection, that’s chemistry. Chemistry isn’t just about relationships, it has lots to do with physicality. It trumps looks, body types, and more. Because that spark, that connection, will leave you yearning for that person or even that feeling. It can be great, or dangerous at times. Especially when that undeniable feeling is with someone who you have great sex with, but not a great relationship with. I’ve seen chemistry keep people around for a long time, that probably should have been cut off decades ago.

Sometimes chemistry can take on a life of it’s own and make people do things that had no intention of doing. Sometimes it strengthens a bond, other times, it takes things to a more personal level, and other times it brings the “freak” out of you. When the chemistry is right you’re turned on, open minded, and yearning for the other person. You can be enthralled with the idea of being intimate with this person. Because it feels so good, you feel as if the connection you have physically is beyond that of thought. Since little to no thought is needed when you’re with this person, its a joyful experience each time.

I think that many of us in 2020 are skipping chemistry. I think that many of us seek out sex, or a goal of intimacy, without seeing if there’s a true spark, a deeper connection. I’m not talking about love, or feelings for a person, I’m speaking about a vibe. A vibe that has nothing to do with their lips, their outfit or your attraction to that person. I also think that if we truly valued what chemistry brings to sexual experiences, we would cherish and appreciate chemistry when we do find it. My advice is that you seek out chemistry with your partners. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have sex if there isn’t chemistry. That’s up to you. However, if you seek out those vibes and get them, you will have a greater, more memorable experience.

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Off The Rebound: A Sex Memoir

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Sex Talk Pt. 13 – Kinks

Kinks are things that are usually not acceptable in traditional sex. Plain “vanilla” sex deems these things unorthodox or even taboo. To some, that only makes it more enticing. To others that means those things are off limits and even weird. But being kinky or embracing the kinks you’re into can greatly enhance sex.

We are all into different things. Society often tells us that those things are weird, gross, or should only be fantasies. But a kink is not a fantasy. A kink is something you want to do or are doing. Where a fantasy is usually something we glamorize and imagine and maybe hope to do it one day. Some argue that a true fantasy never comes true. However, a kink, a non-traditional sexual activity can and I’d say should be happening.

Personally, I believe that all kinks are okay. As long you aren’t harming animals, and your kinks do NOT involve children, I encourage it. Because the reality is that we all like different things, done different ways. Who am to judge if you only have sex upside-down? Or if you like to turn your partner into a PB&J sandwich. If you have a room in your house that’s dedicated to BDSM and full of whips I’m rooting for you.

However, knowing what you like can be challenging and being vulnerable enough to show these things to your partner is a whole other ball game. First, don’t shame yourself or allow others to do so. You like what you like and there’s nothing wrong with that. Im sure there’s a community of people who love that too. Embrace your kinks. Telling and showing your partner the things you’re into is challenging. It takes courage and trust. It also takes a willing partner.

If your partner aims to please you then this won’t be an issue. If you’re building trust with your partner this should be a lot easier. But just as it takes work on your end to be brave and share these things it also takes work on your partner’s end. They have to be open minded and willing to try stuff. Unfortunately, if they are not, then they probably aren’t the patner for you. You’ll find out when you share and explore with them.

In closing, we should work to embrace our kinks and the kinks of our partners. When your partner comes to you and says that they like _____ be sure to thank them for their bravery in sharing, and to speak with them about it. Allow them the space to explain what they like and why, and if its not something that goes against the boundaries you two have set, give it a try. After all, you ll want the same thing when you divulge your kinks to them. Build trust and remember to share your kinks. You never know how much they may be into it too.

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