Sex is something we all need and crave. But how much sex? One and done? Three rounds? These answers may vary based on timing, partners, mood and more. One thing is for sure, there’s nothing like an all day/night sex session.
We all need a good bang out session every now and then. I’m talking about the type of sex that happens for hours and hours and when its over you’re both drained, and the memory is etched in your brains. Both of you have released many times, and you’ll probably never forget it. Laying there, your soul floating above you, your energy in the negative, a few body parts sore, and a grin on your face.
Having sex all night is mentioned often in songs, movies, and shows. But its not something we do regularly. And if you’re in a lengthy relationship its probably been a while since you’ve done it. Which is sad, because it’s great and serves a great purpose in my opinion. Besides it leaving a long lasting impression on both parties, it does something else that’s pretty fantastic.
Long, extended sex sessions aka marathons are great for resetting out mind, body, and desires. Just think, in one long session you can release as many times as you can take, pass out for a bit, and release some more. On top of that, you can do a bunch of things you’ve been craving or wanting to try. The best part is, this can be done for a special occasion, a three day weekend, or that vacation time you had to take before you lost it. Its a good idea anytime. Most of all, if done correctly neither of you will forget it for a long time.
We all have cravings and desires. I’m not only talking about cake and ice cream either. Your partner may have amazing tongue skills and more. They may know your body well too. But if you’re not expressing your cravings, the things you desire, then it will be challenging to get them fulfilled.
Knowing what you want is hard enough. Then comes the inner debate about expressing or not expressing those things to your partner. You may think that what you’re craving is too much for your partner. Or perhaps its something small, but too wild for your partner’s taste. If you’re leaving it to chance, or hoping your parner is Professor X, there’s a low probability of you getting what you want.
So how do you get what you want? How do you get your cravings fulfilled? By expressing them. Which can be scary and difficult. However, often, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. It also means that if you don’t express, you won’t receive. Embracing your desires, expressing your cravings, and empowering yourself can all be synonyms.
Speaking up is powerful. Asking for what you want isn’t wrong. I think we should embrace it. I think our partners should too. I think more of us should speak to our partners about what we want and crave. I think if we did, it would make things easier, and may even let your partner learn more about you and the kinks you’re into. Pushing away your desires, pocketing your cravings, only stops you from gaining maximum satisfaction. Express it, embrace it, do it.
Do you want sex to be one sided? Are you cool with just one person achieving maximum stimulation? I’m not just talking about coming. I’m talking about cravings and desires being fulfilled. Should only one person feel fully satisfied mentally (yes, sex is also mental), and physically when sex is over? If both parties aren’t being satisfied then the sex wasn’t truly fulfilling. Even if both parties came, that doesn’t mean they are both walking away a hundred percent satisfied.
Some may think that if a person made their partner cum, that the mission of maximum stimulation was achieved. But what about the other person involved? If I came but you didn’t, is the job done? Have your cravings been fulfilled? Probably not. Sex is often said to be an exchange. But there are plenty of statistics showing that it isn’t an exchange. Sadly studies have shown for decades that women come less often than men.
There’s an easy way to change these statistics and an easy way to ensure that everyone has a blast – pun intended. Focus on each other. Focus on making your partner happy. Focus on pleasing them. You can do plenty of small things to boost pleasure. The more you get to know your partner, the easier this becomes. But even if you laid with someone for the first time, as soon as you finished reading this, focusing on their pleasure will separate you from others.
People are often greedy and selfish. Everyone is trying to focus on coming, not coming, focusing on the momemt, attempting not to focus on the many things going through their minds. I understand all of those things and the reasoning behind them. However, if we focus on making the experience great for both parties, we can take things to a higher level of intimacy and pleasure.
In closing, it’s wise to focus on your partner’s pleasure. If both parties are doing this then it is easier to reach the goal of mutual pleasure. It’s easier to be satiated when the session is over. Ensuring your partner’s check list of wants is cleared, can also ensure great sex for two. And for men this can prove as a helpful way of taking your mind off of you reaching the finishline. Keep your partner’s pleasure, cravings and desires in mind at all times.
Sex can be great. Especially when the chemistry is right and you’ve gotten to know your partner well. When you know exactly what buttons to press, it’s a blast. But that can change rather quickly if you don’t keep things exciting. Which can prove to be challenging for partners who have been together for a while. So, here’s a way to help keep things fun.
Being spontaneous means doing things differently, possibly randomly, but definitely not routinely. Its very easy to slip into a routine when you’re with the same partner for a while. You might hit a few of your favorite positions, or a few of theirs and that’s it. Or maybe you mix it up, but there just too much sameness overall. Well, then it’s time to think outside of the box. Getting creative and adding some spice to your sex life can be both fun and rewarding.
When you’re stuck in a routine or just not having fun anymore, it’s best to switch it up. Taking a second to think about what may be fun, or what you haven’t done with this partner can change the game. In fact, you can even do something that the two you haven’t done in a long time. Building anticipation can be fun in itself. But catching your partner off guard is even more fun. There are tons of ways to make it happen, but the point is, fun begets fun. Even throwing the routine away for a night (or day) can be a blast.
Making things different, thinking outside the box, or simply being creative is its own reward. Now, when your partner sees that you’re trying to do new or different stuff to spice things up, they’ll greatly appreciate it. They’ll reward you as well. They’ll express their appreciation one way or another. And the experience will be rewarding for you both. Everyone wins when you switch things up.
Being spontaneous means being willing to do something different. Being on your toes and ready to do something beyond the norm (whatever that is for you and your partner). You could take the kids to a sitter and surprise them with an empty house where only candles provide light. That’s different. That works. You could also surprise your partner for lunch break, and give them oral sex in the car and then buy them a meal right after. It all works. You just have to be creative and think about what’s fun for the two of you.
There are plenty of horror stories of people not being able to climax because their partner didn’t know they had to do something specific, or their partner switched what they were doing and it altered the course of their climax. There are also stories of people feeling like they needed to put forth tons of effort to get their partner to the finish line. What if both of these could be avoided? What if a simple tool could help everyone win in all situations? What would we call this tool? Communication is the tool. Let’s talk about the act, of communicating.
Communicating is vital in all relationships. Both sexual and non sexual relationships can thrive or fall apart completely if there isn’t affective communication. Talking with your partner isn’t only important, it can be the key to climaxing, connecting more, and building better chemistry. For example, I’ve been in situations where I was on the reviving end of some A-Class oral sex. It was amazing, I was nearing the finish line, and then she stopped. We had vaginal sex afterwards and I was beside starting over. The sense was gone. Later on, I told the woman that I was nearing my climax when she stopped, and she angrily asked, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”
See she, like me – whenever I’ve been the giver and not the receiver – would have continued for another moment or so to make that climax cum to forwishing (pun intended). Yet without the knowledge of it being near, and a jaw on the verge of “locking”, she felt it best to throw in the towel. I can’t blame her. I’m guilty of stopping in a similar situation or two. But if you tell me you’re about to cum, as 112 once said, “Baby I ain’t go nowhere”.
When we communicated with our partner it provides information, it can alleviate stress, and even bring excitement to a situation. Keeping your partner in the dark is foolish, a waste of time and effort. Being assertive, expressing what you need and want, are more effective and more helpful. Help those who are trying to help you. Once we are transparent about these things, the path ahead will be a much smoother ride. And you’d be surprised how willing they are to reward you for communicating that to them.
Personal hygiene is how you care for your body. This practice includes bathing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth, and more.
Healthline.com
Personal hygiene is our topic this week. It may seem like a no brainer, but it’s not something we should assume that our partner just has mastered. Also, in part two of my dating tips, I spoke about asking questions. You and your partner may view hygiene differently. For example, rag vs no rag (or loofah) when washing. Whichever your choice is may vary from your partner’s. The difference in opinion and cleaning styles can make a big difference.
Hygiene is a weird topic to talk about. People are finicky and this is a sensitive topic to talk about. Especially in 2020 when people “ghost” others for the slightest thing(s). However, the way we take care of our bodies varies from person to person and can affect the bedroom if you’re not careful. I encourage you to talk about this topic. Just tread softly.
There are definitely days when you want to please your partner and see what they taste like after a full day of being up and about. But what if it’s not one of the days you feel that way? What if you’re trying a new natural deodorant and its not working as well as you’d like? Or, what if you just came out of the gym and are all sweaty? Sweaty can be sexy, but not if it taste like, “oh no”. 🤢
Years ago I was seeing a woman who was so concerned with personal hygiene that she washed twice every shower. She used two diferent soaps, and then put a scented lotion all over her body. She smelled just as irresistible as she looked. Especially after she was done moisturizing. However, after a few months I asked her why she never skipped the “kitty” when she did this. She said she wanted to make sure there was never a reason for a man to turn away from oral sex. I totally understood. I asked her could she skip that area next time. I told her that I appreciated her methods and reasoning, but I also wanted to fully taste her. She obliged, and I made sure we both enjoyed ourselves.
On another occasion I had just got home from work, and got a booty call. I said yes, without knowing how soon they’d arrive. When they said they’d be at my place in just a handful of minutes I panicked a bit. I’d showered just before going to work, and work wasn’t very busy. But I prefer to be fresh for my partners. There wasn’t enough time for a bird bath or a quick wash up. So I used a pack of wipes that a friend gave me. They were scented and “for men”, but I’d never used them before. I gave my areas a quick wipe down and finished as they called saying they’d arrived. Things got heavy quick and she started giving me oral sex. Almost immediately she stopped and asked me what I’d done or used to make “him” taste so bad. I was embarrassed to say the least.
To conclude I’ll say this. We all have different styles and scents we use. We all have different natural smells and odors. Your partner has to smell and taste whatever is going on with your body, “private parts”, mouth, etc. Be curtious and think of your partner. Have a conversation with them and see what they like and don’t like. Then you should be able to discuss their routine, scents, etc as well. Keep things mutual, keep things light, and tread softly. Increasing the communication, and the cleanliness are always a good thing. You may not have to change anything, but if you did, it would be for both party’s benefits. Remember, when people enjoy things more, they do them more often.
The word of the day, better yet, the word of the week is foreplay. Foreplay is often slept on. It’s often skipped, ignored and neglected. Things get hot and heavy, they are flowing and you just want to get right to sex. You can’t think of anything more than penetration and the great feelings it gives each of you. You skip all of the pleasantries and next thing you know you’re in a full on sex session. Now you’re off to the races! But you never warmed up the car … you just drove off and went from zero to a hundred.
You may not hear about it in the barber shop or the local salon, but awesome foreplay does happen. It’s often skipped in stories as well. People seem to focus on the main stage when it comes to sexual activities. I’d like to gear the focus away from that today. Which is probably an unpopular thing to do in today’s instant world. But when we slow down and focus on the details, we get a better story. Just ask yourself, which of these two examples sounds better.
Example 1:
He made me cum so much! Girl, I came like three times back to back then a few minutes later I came again. The sex was great!
Example 2:
He played with my pussy while he kissed me. Then he put his mouth on every part of my body. After I came twice we went to have sex and he teased me some before putting it in. And girl, don’t get me started on the sex! He went slow and then picked up speed. That shit was intense.
Details. The devil is in the details. Make those details matter. Don’t skip them. You wouldn’t jump in your car and floor it. You warm that car up, make sure you have everything you need for yourself and that car, and then you check the mirrors before you start your trip. Well this should be no different.
No matter your sexual preference, how long you’ve been intimate with this partner, how long you’ve known this person, foreplay will make a difference. I don’t mean two kisses and then you fuck either. Take some time, and make it fun for the both of you. Warm that body up. Do the things that they like. Kiss, lick, nibble, bite, and suck on their body. Hit their spots, tease them, and make them want you more.
Good foreplay leads to great sex. You warm the person up, get them all hot and bothered and then provide good sex. That’s a memorable session. I’m not saying you have to perform oral sex on them for an hour straight. But on the flip side of the coin, if you did i’m sure they’d be very thankful and more than willing to show their appreciation in more ways than one.
Foreplay is supposed to be the pregame, the precursor to sex. Don’t skip it. Despite what TV shows, movies and the streets will have you believe, people enjoy foreplay. Good foreplay gets you turned on, in sync with each other, and can even make you cum. And that is all good. You want foreplay to be good. Get good at foreplay and you’ll see your sex life improve.
Lastly, remember that the same way you enjoy foreplay, so do they. Men and women both like foreplay. Never forget that. Foreplay is something everyone enjoys. There will definitely be times when you both want intercourse to happen and want it to happen right now. Thats fine. I’m not saying be a slave to foreplay. But please remember that both of you enjoy it. Do it to them, let them do it to you. Take a few minutes and let the good times happen. Everything in life doesn’t have to be instant or immediate.
Exploration is the name of the game. Whether you are in a relationship, single, having a one night, stand, or an orgy you want to explore. Explore your partner’s body. I cannot stress how important, informative, and fun this can be. Whether you enjoy learning, enjoy pleasing your partner or are just looking to have a fun time, this will be beneficial to you. Today’s tip is all about exploration.
When you go on vacation you usually go to a cool place you heard about, a place you were really curious about, or maybe a place that just caught your attention and sparked some curiosity. How you discovered the place you are traveling to isn’t the focus. What happens once you book the flight, cruise, or whatever, is that anticipation begins to build. You begin getting excited and your curiosity grows even more. You wonder what kind of food they have, or where the cool places to go are. You may be going to relax, you may be going to turn up, but either way you plan on checking out a few spots to see what places leave a mark on your mind and make the experience memorable.
If you’re like me and many others, food is one of the things on the top of that list when you go somewhere. You’ve probably got a whole list of places you want to go to taste and sample things. You plan to do some sight seeing, maybe some bar hopping, and eating is usually close to the top of the priority list. Well, I advise that you treat sexual experiences similarly. Approach them with a curious mind, an eager mind, and a mind prepared for adventure.
Take some time to really check out everything that your sex partner has to offer. Survey the land, check out a few hot and cold spots, and taste a few things. There are tons of ways to do this. You could ask the person to lay naked and you could kiss every curve and crevice. Or you could begin with a pat down. Roaming their body with your hands while they are clothed and maybe step it up to a strip search after a few minutes. Another tactic is to mix it up. A little touching, a little tasting, and see how they react to each of those sensations in different places.
It may be true that certain “hot spots” are universal for the most part. But you will have more fun discovering their secret spots, and the spots that you didn’t expect to turn them on. You may just find a spot that makes them laugh, because it’s sensitive or tickles. But even that discovery can be kept in your back pocket for a later time. No discovery is a waste of time in my opinion. You may also be unintentionally helping your partner learn things about their body, likes, and dislikes, as well. Perhaps they never knew that their knee cap was a sensitive spot for them. Until you kissed and licked on it they never knew how much of a turn on it was for them.
Another reason to take some time out to explore is that this helps build anticipation for what’s coming next. And no, that doesn’t mean intercourse. Just because I’m telling you that I’m going to explore your body, that doesn’t mean that I’m going to go directly from head to toe. Maybe I’ll start at the feet and work my way up, maybe I’ll start at the head and work my way down, maybe I’ll jump around a bit just to throw you off. You keep the person guessing, and excited simply by bringing a bit of mystery to the game.
Check it ALL out. Anything that you and your partner are okay with. IF you are both comfortable with it, then try it. Taste it, feel it, and see what happens. If you’re not aiming for a quickie then this is the perfect way to add time to the clock, make things a bit more fun, and build anticipation. While they lay there happy and guessing, their body is building up, getting tense or loose, and the mind is running wild trying to guess what’s next and how it’s going to feel.
In closing, you will literally see the benefits of this activity. More so, you can take your sweet time, or do a quick version. You can do as much or as little as you like. I find that the more thorough you are the more fun it is for you both. However, that is up to you. As long as you are both comfortable and enjoying the experience that’s what matters most. The goal should be to have fun, and learn something new about either yourself or your partner. Explore the front of their body, the back of their body, and just make sure that you both know what’s off limits. You’ll be surprised how much fun you could have. And, when it’s all over, if you’ve got a good partner they’ll say, “My turn”, and then they’ll explore your body.
Hey Intellectuals! This this week we are going to dive into the next and very important piece of the puzzle of dating someone new. It actually doesn’t matter if you are deep into dating or just met someone on an app and are trying to build interest and see what the chemistry is like. Today’s dating tip, is on a very simple, forgotten word. Today’s dating tip is all about consistency. Consistency is major, vital, important, necessary, and all of the other synonyms you can think of. Put a gold star on this one, its really important.
Being there, showing up, coming to class daily, is work. Think about perfect attendance. That is when a person shows up every day no matter what. There are even jobs that reward employees who never call out sick. Why is that? Why should a person who shows up be rewarded? Just because they showed up? NO! They are being rewarded because showing up daily, being there every day is work. And that work should be appreciated and rewarded. In dating this also remains true.
We often sweep this under the rug. Some even say that if someone hits you up daily they are thirsty and its a turn off. Well that may vary and be a perspective that changes on a person by person basis. However, when people are seeking a connection, when people are building with someone, one of the things that matter and make you stand out from the pack (believe me, there are usually others seeking their attention too), is that consistency. Being the person who checks in regularly, who sends a text, who makes a call, who sends a DM, makes you stand out. It also boosts your stock.
Does that mean you have to do this on a daily basis? No. Does it mean that at 6am every day you have to send a text as soon as your eyes open? No. What it means is that you should be showing your interest regularly. Everyone likes attention. Everyone likes being checked on. You enjoy it, and so does the other person. So show them you like them. Show them you are INTERESTED. It takes a few seconds to send a text, to press call, or to send a DM or even an email. And doing so regularly, consistently, will help. It lets the person know that you want to see what’s going on with them, that you are interested and that you are TRYING!
I’m not saying that you have to blow up their phone with texts, calls, and emails. I’m saying that we should be showing interest and trying REGULARLY. That’s all. It’s really simple and can make a big difference. Especially during Covid19, lockdowns, etc. It shows that you took a second to reach out and say hi, or how are you feeling, during all the current chaos and confusion going on. Its a clear sign of showing that you want to stay connected. And, lets be real, plenty of people are pushed forward simply because they show up. When you’re always around, it’s also hard to ignore you.
So, go be consistent. Go show up. Go show interest. Go try.
Recently I discussed the importance of asking questions. Gaining information, learning, creating solutions and gaining insight all come from asking questions. That segways into our next topic. Which is really just the larger picture. Although this term is often looked at as basic, it is vital in any relationship. And it couldn’t be more important when dating someone new.
in the era of ghosting, dating apps, and short attention spans communication is probably more important than ever. Especially with lockdowns, restrictions, and social distancing complicating the dating scene even more. The layers of complication seem to be mounting against the single crowd. Without communication and a few other tools I don’t see how you’d get through it all. So, let’s speak a bit about communication.
It seems that in 2020 basic communication is almost a foreign notion. There are all types of assumptions and expectations that seem to come out of thin air. Covid19 hasn’t helped that one bit. In fact it’s over complicated some things and simplified others. The first date may just be a video chat now. But even if that is so, you’d have to communicate to set that up.
You’d need to know when the other person’s free, what’s the best time or date for them, and a slew of other things. Doing things spontaneously or off the whim is fine and can be exciting. However, without clear communication things may fall apart rather quickly. One of the keys to any relationship is clearly communicating. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, spouse or best friend. You need to speak and be clear about things.
For example, I am against smoking cigarettes. Better said, I prefer not to deal with anyone on an intimate level if they smoke cigarettes. However, I am obligated to express that to anyone I talk to. If we are exploring things, trying to establish a bond, or even if we have chemistry, a simple cig can tarnish the evening. I’ve made exceptions before and they were respectful. However, even then, I needed to express my limitations.
It is true that asking questions is vital and brings important information out. However, we cannot assume that the other person will ask us a laundry list of questions. We must take responsibility and communicate. At minimum people need to know your intentions, your limitations, your expectations, and so on. Even if we are talking about a, “hook up”.
If you and someone else have established that you’re attracted to one another, everyone got tested (for STIs and Coronavirus), and is ready for fun, great. What next? Consent obviously, but what else? They may just be coming over every Wednesday night at 9pm for a smash and dash, and then jumping in an uber. Sounds great. But not if you’re not communicating properly.
They would need to know when arrive, when to go, can they stay over, do you have roommates, and much more. Again, we cannot assume that they will ask questions or know everything. Letting them know what’s going on prior will make for a smoother time. “I have a roommate, a cat, and after 9pm I’m free all night. If you want to stay over you can, but I have to leave home at 8am to do _____”. That is informative, helpful, and clear.
If you want less mess, communicate more. I’m not saying tell them your deep dark secrets. I wouldn’t go that route. But decide what you need to express, and so in a calm and clear way. I am pretty sure that both parties will benefit from it.
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