Posted on

Why Enthusiasm Matters

According to Webster’s dictionary enthusiasm is a strong excitement of feeling. It’s synonymous with exciting sensations. That being said, if you’re excited about the bedroom antics you’re about to participate in, then it should come naturally. If you’re ready, willing, able, and participating you are showing enthusiasm. If you’re anxious, excited, giddy, and ready to go, you’re on the right track. Ideally, both you and your partner are showing enthusiasm at that moment.

If you’re uninterested, and have no interest in participating then you should say so and things should end. If you choose not to be physical that’s always your choice, and that choice is always okay. My advice is to be vocal about it and things can stop. But if you are interested I advise you to show it. If your partner initiated things and playtime has begun, then show them that you also desire them and the playtime they started.

Showing disinterest, behaving indifferent, are not welcoming behaviors. Nor are they enticing behaviors. Your partner will likely be turned off by those behavior if they are trying to be intimate with you. Because a lack of enthusiasm will give off a signal of uninterest. People want things to flow, and go well. That’s hard to accomplish when the other party doesn’t seem like they want to be involved, or are just lying there uninterested.

In conclusion, enthusiasm matters because it can seay the vibe and your partners moral. If you’re excited you should show it. It helps both you and your partner. If uninterested, say that and move on to something else. There are plenty of non-sexual things you can do with your partner. When you’re into it, show it. It helps things flow, it increases the vibe and can bring you both more pleasure. The last thing you want to do is seem indifferent when you’re partner is hot and trying to get things going. Help turn each other on, not off.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

Pleasure vs Greed

When it comes to sex, there’s a thin line between pleasure and greed. When the session is going well, things are flowing, you’re having a great time, you don’t want it to stop. You’re enjoying every hot, sweaty, moan filled moment. If you could, you’d freeze this moment in time and relive this moment over and over again. You’re enjoying the pleasure so much, you’re enjoying the moment so much, that you want to keep feeling that pleasure. But this is usually the moment when you forget all about your partner and their pleasure.

These moments happen often, and we’re all guilty of them. That moment when you feel like maybe your partner had enough pleasure and you say to yourself, “Time to get mine”. Or, maybe you just slip into deep pleasure, you feel ecstasy coming – literally – and you sacrifice your partners pleasure to reach that feeling. It’s a great moment. But its a great moment for you. You’ve crossed the bridge into greedy town.

Once you’ve made the decision to focus on yourself you’ve made a nasty decision. Once you’ve focused on pleasing yourself you’ve begun to neglect your partner. Which should probably never be the case during intimacy. It doesn’t matter what sexual act is happening, we should be focusing on pleasure being mutual. When both parties are focused on each other the sex flows and both are satisfied. When we focus on ourselves we often leave our partners less satisfied.

There’s a fine line between enjoying the moment, basking in it, and completely hogging the moment. Especially if you are doing so consciously. Being greedy during sex is something that happens often. However, if you can sacrifice a little bit of your own pleasure at that moment there’s usually a greater moment waiting for you. That moment of unified pleasure is where long lasting memories are. That’s where the story book endings are.

Imagine that this is the last time you will be intimate with this partner. Which it very well could be. Do you want their last memory of you to be one of greed? Do you want the last sec session you have with them to end with them feeling unsatisfied? How do you think that would look on your resume? Wouldn’t you want that last session to be a great memory for you both? This is why we have to remind ourselves to focus on our partner and not ourselves. This is why we have to remind ourselves not to be greedy.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

5 Things You Should Never Do In The Bedroom

There are tons of things that we should and shouldn’t be doing in the bedroom. Like many important things, we often learn this through mistakes and experience. I thought it may be helpful to give you a short list of definite things you should never do during sexual activities. These things are big no-nos during the forbidden dance. Sadly people do them often. If you’re doing any of these, I implore you to stop.

Playing dead is something animals do when in fear of a predator. Often this is a predator they cannot defeat with their strengths, so they play dead and outwit their foe. Your sex partner is not your enemy. In fact they are more like your dance partner. If you were at a hot party, dancing, moving, touching, sweating, you wouldn’t want them to just stand still. Sexual activity requires movement, participation. Participate. Don’t just lay there like a log. Join in by using all of the available parts of your body to make your partner feel good.

Sex should be mutually beneficial. Sometimes your partner may treat you and make you the focus of the session. That’s great, and fun. Unless that’s the aim for the current session, you shouldn’t be hoarding the pleasure. You shouldn’t be keeping it all for you and storing up as much as possible, to save for a rainy day. As opposed to making it about you, and only you (and your needs), make it about the two of you. Share the moment, share the pleasure. Realize that the more you please them, the more they want to please you. Sharing is caring, and there is no “i” in team (or in sex).

We all know the famous saying about what happens when you assume. Yet so many people assume during sexual activities. You assume they want this. You assume they don’t want that. You assume they want to be in this position. You assume they don’t want to be in that position. Stop that! You have no right to decide what they want or don’t want. Or what they will or won’t do. Stop assuming and speak. Ask questions, make suggestions, give hints, do something. But DO NOT ASSUME! For when you do so, you strip your partner of the choice, and that’s never okay.

People love to hold back during sex. They hold back everything they can. Climaxing, moaning, screaming, and whatever else they can imagine. Yes its true that build up helps an orgasm feel more intense. But if your partner is doing their job, and aiming to please you, allow them to do so. If you feel the urge to moan, do it. Want to scream, let it out. Sex should be flowing, natural, and fun. Putting constraints and restrictions on it doesn’t help either of you.

I had to save the trickiest one for last … Being impatient. Too many of us are like little kids at a store screaming out, “I want it! I want it!” But good things come to those who wait. Rushing through things, making demands, having no patience at all, will completely ruin a sexual activity. If she’s not wet enough, help her get there. If he’s not hard, give him a second to stretch out. Allowing your impatience to frustrate you often does the same to your partner. Now you’re both upset and no one got what they wanted. Better to be proactive than reactive. Take a breath, and give it a second. Know that you’re desires will be satisfied if you give your partner some time.

Quick Links:

Posted on

Why Faking Has To Stop

There’s an entire culture around faking orgasms. Women may be famous for doing it, but even men are known to fake an orgasm on occasion. Most women who are faking, are doing it to make their partner feel good. The idea is that their partner feels accomplished and successful. However, this actually does more damage than good.

A 2019 study found that 57% of the women they surveyed (via the internet) faked an orgasm to make their partner feel good. These ladies are with partners who are falling short. Instead of being honest these ladies are lying. Perhaps they think they are doing a good deed. I’m not 100% sure what drives them to do this. What I can say is, these numbers are alarming. In fact, each lie is contributing to a culture I disapproved of.

Male centered, misogynistic sex is legit and pretty dominant. Its the reason why for years in movies you only saw the man “finish”. Its the same reason why for far too long women were told to be submissive and satisfy their man in the bedroom. The misogyny continues in the bedroom, and lying to stroke that man’s ego reinforces (in his mind and others) that he should be the focus. That he’s “the man” and he should beat his chest after conquering another lady.

The male ego is fragile and perhaps that’s why these women are lying. But these fraudulent orgasms are only boosting the egos of men who are greedy and self centered. The reality is that sex should be mutually beneficial. Both people should strive to please each other and make every session as pleasurable as possible. The reality is, enforcing these lies is hurting women not helping them. You’re telling that partner they’ve done well, when in reality they haven’t done well enough.

There will be times when you don’t reach orgasm during sex. That isn’t a crime, however unfortunate it may be. Whay should happen when your climax isn’t reached is where the game changes. This is where I offer a solution. My solution is communication (yes again). Speaking to your partner allows them the room for growth, and the time to focus on your needs. If they came, and feel good, great. Now they can catch their breath and do whatever they must to return the favor. They have a mouth, hands, and more.

If this time is taken to learn your likes, and focus on you, it will also show them how to make you cum. It will help them step their game up, which in turn helps you. If they too are dedicated to making the pleasure mutual, and making you feel good, then this really isn’t a difficult ask. Even if they view it as a task, they should be willing to deliver. If not, they may not be worth your time. That decision is yours and yours alone. But please stop the faking.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

How To Prep For A Sex Session

We don’t always know when sex is going to happen. But when you know beforehand, it gives you the opportunity to prepare. There are a few different ways you can prepare. Especially if you have advanced notice (24 hours or more). I’ve decided to break it down into sections. Because each of these plays a part in preparing for the fun. Its always better to be prepared. It can avoid problems and keep the party flowing smoothly.

Diet:

What we eat directly affects our bowls, our stomachs, our scents, and more. For example, if you consume lots of cheese and dairy there’s a high chance that you’ll feel bloated. There are foods that make us gassy, and others that affect our breath or can seep our of your pours. One easy example is alcohol. Another is garlic. These are all things that aren’t very welcoming to a partner and can also divert your mood or sex drive. So, be mindful of what you eat leading upto a sex session.

Mental:

Mental preparation is probably one of the most slept on parts of sex. People often dive in, have no plan and didn’t prepare themselves for what’s about to go down. This is just as important with reoccurring partners as it is with brand new ones. Being ready, not being nervous, or overly anxious are helpful for both parties. You want to go in with a clear mind, a focused mind. A mind ready to embrace the fun, and bring positive vibes into the bedroom.

Hygiene:

Whether this is a long-term sex partner or a brand new one, it’s important to present yourself clean and ready. Both parties should be clean and ready to go. Whether your partner has tasted you hundreds of times, or never before, you want them to enjoy your tastes and smells. It’s true that some people may not want you fresh out the shower every time. We all have different preferences. But very few want you to come to a sex session salty and smelly. Show up ready to be sucked and fucked.

Communication:

Something I mention too often is communication. Speaking with your partner is always important and helpful. There are often so many things assumed and left unsaid before sex or meet ups. These things later cause tension, confusion and other problems. Ask whatever questions you may have, and give them the room to do the same. I’m not talking about planning the entire night. I’m talking about clearing the air and making sure that you’re both on the same page. A quick conversation prior can make a world of a difference.

Tools (condoms, toys, etc):

Every situation calls for different things. You may not need condoms, or Plan B pills, but perhaps you need a slew of other things for your fun. Make sure you have the handcuffs, whipped cream, strawberries, balls gag, zip ties, or whatever else available. If you need contraceptives make sure you have them or know who is responsible for bringing them. If you left the wand at their place, make sure they bring it back this time. This is part of communication, but is often its own piece of the puzzle. Its better to make sure you have these things before hand. You don’t want to show up without something that may have been a big part of the plan for the night.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

The Pros & Cons of a One Night Stand

Sometimes you meet a person and things are just flowing. The chemistry is right, the setting is adding to the mood. There’s a good vibe and whether its the dancing, the booze, or the conversation, something is connecting you and this other person. You start thinking about taking things outside of this place (bar, lounge, brunch, etc). You start thinking about being in a more private setting. You start thinking about a one night stand.

A one night stand is typically when you have a singular sex session with a person you either just met, or a one night affair with someone you already know. The premise is that you’re going to “sleep” with this person one time. They get one night and nothing else. That one night can be anywhere. But the general concept is that you’re going to have a wild time with them, and then never be intimate with this person again. Or as a friend of mine says, “Have fun with it, and be done with it”.

I’ve heard horror stories and epic stories about one night stands. In this day and age they are often labeled as casual sex and nothing more. But its not just casual sex. Especially when this is done with a stranger. Casusal sex usually alludes to sex without a commitment. That’s true here, but this is a bit more specific. This also isn’t a regular thing with someone you’re already sleeping with.

There are some good things about one night stands. There are also some bad things. Let’s dive into each category.

Pros:

– No strings attached

– The risks and thrill of it are intoxicating

– You don’t have to wait to become physical/intimate. You dive right into it

– A fun time with someone who you probably didn’t know, or didn’t know very well

– Hopefully a great time/great memories

– The possibility to make it more than a one night stand. Rare, but possible.

– Sometimes this is a great way to investigate how things are with someone you’ve been curious about.

– If nothing else, its sex and a distraction from the world

Cons:

– A wasted night (if it’s a bad experience)

– If you sleep with someone you have to see regularly (coworker or friend), this can lead to lots of awkward moments or other issues.

– The risk of embarrassment if/when you see them again

– Pregnancy (if you don’t use protection, or didn’t use it properly).

– STD Infection (Because 9/10 times you didn’t get any test results from them prior)

It’s important that we stop those lust filled moments on the dance floor, at the bar, or in the bathroom, to assess the risks we are about to take. You may be getting a rush of lustful thoughts and feelings, but you have to ask yourself is it worth it to move forward. Your answer may vary situation by situation. My answer today may be different than it was ten years ago, and it may depend who I’m locked in the bathroom with. The excitement can overwhelm you, but you have to take a deep breath and think about all of the things involved. Risk assessment is vital. Clear headed thoughts are usually better ones. Plus you’ve got to live with this later on, regardless of the outcome.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

Why You Should Always Be Stepping Your Sex Game Up

As I said in a previous blog, “Even your favorite position, every day, gets boring”. Staying stagnate is dangerous. Especially with sex partners. More so, when you are with that partner frequently. Long term sex partners are often entangled and intimate. This means they are having sex for a long period of time. No one wants to be doing the same exact thing(s) for years and years.

If you started having sex ten or twenty years ago, then I’d hope that you have learned, and evolved sexually over the years. Many people have knowledge and experience. But, when they find a partner they like, they become complacent. Whether your partner is your significant other, or a long term sex partner of another kind, you’ve probably had a lot of sex over the years. That’s great. But even great sex can become boring when its repetitive.

The same way that we should be striving to be better and evolve in life, we should be doing the same in the bedroom. The problem with being stagnant or complacent with sex is that the flame of your relationship (both in and out of the bedroom) can be affected by it. Simply put, people get bored with sameness. We all have fantasies, unfulfilled desires, and things we’d like to do one day. We also have short attention spans in 2021.

You can’t expect anyone to be okay with a copy and paste method month in and month out, year in and year out. We have got to level up. And that journey is different for everyone. You have to be honest about where you’re at, and what your partner’s expectations are. I advise discussing it with your partner and also doing a self audit. Ask yourself where you’re lacking and then see how you can improve that. Also, speak to your partner and see how you can better accommodate them and their needs. Idealistically they will be doing the same. Then the two of you can learn and grow together.

Posted on

How To Give A Clitoral Orgasm

People with a clitoris can have different types of orgasms. Many of us know of the vaginal orgasm. This is often seen in movies, shows and adult films. In those scenes a woman reaches ecstasy while being penetrated. An orgasm is great, and the vaginal orgasm has been the spotlight in public and in Hollywood. People worship them and yearn for them. However many studies have shown that women struggle to reach their climax during vaginal sex for a number of reasons.

While many women may struggle to reach a vaginal orgasm, the cliroral orgasm shows other results. Women who have clitoral orgasms during sex have also said (in studies), that it made it easier for them to reach a vaginal orgasm. But what is a clitoral orgasm? A clitoral orgasm is when the clitoris is stimulated to the point where it brings a woman to orgasm. The climax comes from the clitoris being stimulated.

A clitoris is full of nerve endings. In fact is has twice as many as the tip of the penis. That means it’s twice as sentive. What you need to do is communicate with your partner and see what there preferred type of clitoral stimulation is. Studies have shown that some women like an up and down motion, while others like a circular motion. A few in the study says they prefer not to have direct stimulation. Meaning, they don’t want direct action on the clitoris. You can stimulate the clitoris by lickkng, sucking, rubbing, and even kissing it.

In conclusion, you want to help a woman achieve orgasm(s). The cliroral orgasm is achievable if you stimulate the clitoris. Speak with your partner and see what type of stimulation they like, and give them plenty of it. Because studies have also shown that 7/10 women have an easier time achieving a vaginal orgasm after having a cliroral orgasm. This can be the assist that you need, or just another way of making your partner cum, and feel great. Either way, the cliroral orgasm is a great thing and now you know how to help her have one.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

Sex Isn’t A Valentine’s Day Gift

February 14th is a day where we are “supposed” to show love to those we care for. Adoration is on full display with flowers, chocolates, wine, and more. People of all ages go on dates, do special things for the people they care for. Usually this is a partner or significant other. It’s an annual thing for those in relationships or those dating and celebrating. Exquisite dinner plans and hopefully a night filled with lust comes afterwards. For some, the purpose of the night is to get to the lusty evening. For others they want to offer all they can to their partner to show their love.

In America this is often one sided affair. It’s a day dedicated to women. A day where they are showered in gifts and expensive dinners. But believe me, there are women who do the same for their man. There are women who go all out! They cook special meals, buy thoughtful gifts and wear special, enticing things. The saddest part is that both of this great, thoughtful types of people are often given only one thing in return. Sex.

Let me be the first to tell you … sex is NOT a Valentine’s day gift. Its not a Christmas gift, an Easter gift, or any other holiday gift. What it is, is an insult. Its an insult for one person to go above and beyond to make you feel special and in return they are given sex as the one gift you give them. This other person has spent their time thinking of stuff to do, their time making those things come to forwishing, and then they spent money. It likely wasn’t five dollars either. In return you say thank you with sex …

Sex … just sex. Nope … that isn’t enough. Its not enough if its a marathon. Its not enough if its extra nasty. Nope. Its a slap in the face. Shame on you if that’s all you’re giving to the person who spent time and their hard earned money. Put yourself in their shoes. After weeks of planning, paying attention to details, to take them where they’d love to eat, to get them a gift they’d really like, or cook them their favorite meal, and spent money each step of the way, they not only show up empty handed … they say their going to let you have sex with them as your gift. What?

Shame on you for thinking sex was an equitable gift. And shame on those who are thirsty enough to accept sex as a gift after they’ve done so much for the other person. Especially if you were already having sex with that person. That’s nasty. Like disgusting. Not nasty like sexual and titillating. It’s gross. The thirst has to really be real for you to be cool with just getting sex as a gift. Nah, give me several hundred dollars back so we can be even. 😝

Gifts, presents, are supposed to be meaningful, nice gestures. Sex isn’t that. Sex is a cop out. The same way you want cool gifts or great meals at cool restaurants, so does that person. They’ve put work in, put time in, and even if you’re sex is Only Fans worthy, and extra nasty, its not a gift. Do be lame, don’t be selfish, give them something thats not your body and not the body they’ve already came in, on, etc. Do something special. Google and Pinterest have loads of ideas. Don’t be lazy and insulting.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

Posted on

Why Marathon Sex Is Important

Sex is something we all need and crave. But how much sex? One and done? Three rounds? These answers may vary based on timing, partners, mood and more. One thing is for sure, there’s nothing like an all day/night sex session.

We all need a good bang out session every now and then. I’m talking about the type of sex that happens for hours and hours and when its over you’re both drained, and the memory is etched in your brains. Both of you have released many times, and you’ll probably never forget it. Laying there, your soul floating above you, your energy in the negative, a few body parts sore, and a grin on your face.

Having sex all night is mentioned often in songs, movies, and shows. But its not something we do regularly. And if you’re in a lengthy relationship its probably been a while since you’ve done it. Which is sad, because it’s great and serves a great purpose in my opinion. Besides it leaving a long lasting impression on both parties, it does something else that’s pretty fantastic.

Long, extended sex sessions aka marathons are great for resetting out mind, body, and desires. Just think, in one long session you can release as many times as you can take, pass out for a bit, and release some more. On top of that, you can do a bunch of things you’ve been craving or wanting to try. The best part is, this can be done for a special occasion, a three day weekend, or that vacation time you had to take before you lost it. Its a good idea anytime. Most of all, if done correctly neither of you will forget it for a long time.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor