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How To Bring Sex Toys Into Your Sex Life

Sex toys can be lots of fun. They can elevate bedroom sessions to a whole new level. Knowing you want to use them is one thing. Knowing how to bring them into your sex life is a another thing all together. The process of introducing sex toys into your bedroom antics can be tricky. So I’m hoping to offer some assistance.

Step 1: Have the conversation

Speak with your partner. Let them know that you’d like to try bringing a toy into the bedroom. This is a delicate topic and you want to approach it with care. But it all begins with speaking to your partner. Seeing where their mind is, what they are open to. Once they are down to have the conversation, you can start the process.

Step 2: Tell them the goal

Let them know that this isn’t about them lacking in any way. This is about having even more fun. Its about the two of you coming closer together, being more intimate. Because thats what’s its all about. Learning more about each other, trying new things together, doing new things together, and using all of those experiences to grow closer together. Make the suggestion and see how they feel. If they agree, then you can bring a toy into the bedroom and move forward with the process.

Step 3: Setting the scene

You’re going to need to set things up. I don’t mean prepping for a party. I mean choosing a toy and getting your partner mentally ready to use it. Their comfort is the extremely important. They need to feel comfortable and safe. They need to feel like they can do this, and that it will be a fun experience. You’re going to start with a small amount of time. You don’t want to use the toy for an extended period of time. Give them a sample. Use the toy with them for a little bit, and then put it away. If it goes well, they’ll probably request it again in the near future. If it doesn’t go well , that’s okay too. Because there are plenty of other toys out there.

During play time you want to make sure that they are okay. Trying new things can be scary. Walk them through it. Ask if they’re ready, ask how it feels, and start off small. If they toy has different levels, you should probably start low and increase slowly over time. You don’t want to do too much too soon. It could scare them off.

You also need to be mentally ready for this experience. It requires patience on your end. You may have to take baby steps with them. You may not be able dive right into it. They may need more time than you’d like. They may say stop (or the safe word), sooner than you anticipated. You want to be ready for everything. The more comfortable you make them, the more calm you are, the better the outcome.

Its important that you allow things to flow organically, make your partner comfortable, and be patient if you want to being toys into the bedroom. Even if your partner has used toys before, it doesn’t mean that they’re ready to do so with you. Being a good leader means understanding the situation and your squad. Read the room, and do what you can to make it as smooth and fun of an experience as possible. Hopefully following these steps will help you do so. Hopefully these steps will help you bring toys into your sex life.

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How To Prep For A Sex Session

We don’t always know when sex is going to happen. But when you know beforehand, it gives you the opportunity to prepare. There are a few different ways you can prepare. Especially if you have advanced notice (24 hours or more). I’ve decided to break it down into sections. Because each of these plays a part in preparing for the fun. Its always better to be prepared. It can avoid problems and keep the party flowing smoothly.

Diet:

What we eat directly affects our bowls, our stomachs, our scents, and more. For example, if you consume lots of cheese and dairy there’s a high chance that you’ll feel bloated. There are foods that make us gassy, and others that affect our breath or can seep our of your pours. One easy example is alcohol. Another is garlic. These are all things that aren’t very welcoming to a partner and can also divert your mood or sex drive. So, be mindful of what you eat leading upto a sex session.

Mental:

Mental preparation is probably one of the most slept on parts of sex. People often dive in, have no plan and didn’t prepare themselves for what’s about to go down. This is just as important with reoccurring partners as it is with brand new ones. Being ready, not being nervous, or overly anxious are helpful for both parties. You want to go in with a clear mind, a focused mind. A mind ready to embrace the fun, and bring positive vibes into the bedroom.

Hygiene:

Whether this is a long-term sex partner or a brand new one, it’s important to present yourself clean and ready. Both parties should be clean and ready to go. Whether your partner has tasted you hundreds of times, or never before, you want them to enjoy your tastes and smells. It’s true that some people may not want you fresh out the shower every time. We all have different preferences. But very few want you to come to a sex session salty and smelly. Show up ready to be sucked and fucked.

Communication:

Something I mention too often is communication. Speaking with your partner is always important and helpful. There are often so many things assumed and left unsaid before sex or meet ups. These things later cause tension, confusion and other problems. Ask whatever questions you may have, and give them the room to do the same. I’m not talking about planning the entire night. I’m talking about clearing the air and making sure that you’re both on the same page. A quick conversation prior can make a world of a difference.

Tools (condoms, toys, etc):

Every situation calls for different things. You may not need condoms, or Plan B pills, but perhaps you need a slew of other things for your fun. Make sure you have the handcuffs, whipped cream, strawberries, balls gag, zip ties, or whatever else available. If you need contraceptives make sure you have them or know who is responsible for bringing them. If you left the wand at their place, make sure they bring it back this time. This is part of communication, but is often its own piece of the puzzle. Its better to make sure you have these things before hand. You don’t want to show up without something that may have been a big part of the plan for the night.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 18 – Taking Notes Will Improve Your Sex Life

You’ve got a million little things to do. One of them is your partner. If you care about pleasing them, or simply having a good time, then this tip will be helpful. Getting to know your partner takes time. As time passes, what people like and dislike will change. In the moment, many things can happen. You probably won’t remember every detail of every sex session.

If you want to pass the class, you have to take good notes. That doesn’t just apply to college courses. You can be good at sex, you can pay attention to details, but if you don’t take notes, you’re going to miss out on a lot. You could also just forget stuff. Being busy, and having lots on your mind, can make you forget vital information.

Do you need to have a physical notebook? No. Do you need to jot things down in your phone? No. Whichever you choose is fine. If you think your memory is good enough, you can use that. But these bookmarks, or sticky notes, will make a big difference.

Simply put, there are things that stand out in a good and a bad way during sexual moments. Foreplay, oral sex, intercourse, and after sex cuddles, all provide you with information. What you do with that information is up to you. Seeing those things is one skill, knowing what to do with that information is another. And, that information could be about them or about you. Either way, its good to be able to look back at those notes later on.

Taking notes will give you a slew of things to look back on, reflect on, use, or improve on. If your notes say your partner likes “Thing A”, you can do it more often. If your partner says they love when you wear blue underwear, you can make sure to have that color on next time you see them. Or, if you have a list of things they don’t like, you can skip that on focus on what they do like. You can also take notes on things you like and don’t like. Data collection is step 1. Reviewing and using that data is step 2.

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The Coding of a Bachelor: Part 1

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Sex talk 12 – Expressing Desires & Cravings

We all have cravings and desires. I’m not only talking about cake and ice cream either. Your partner may have amazing tongue skills and more. They may know your body well too. But if you’re not expressing your cravings, the things you desire, then it will be challenging to get them fulfilled.

Knowing what you want is hard enough. Then comes the inner debate about expressing or not expressing those things to your partner. You may think that what you’re craving is too much for your partner. Or perhaps its something small, but too wild for your partner’s taste. If you’re leaving it to chance, or hoping your parner is Professor X, there’s a low probability of you getting what you want.

So how do you get what you want? How do you get your cravings fulfilled? By expressing them. Which can be scary and difficult. However, often, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. It also means that if you don’t express, you won’t receive. Embracing your desires, expressing your cravings, and empowering yourself can all be synonyms.

Speaking up is powerful. Asking for what you want isn’t wrong. I think we should embrace it. I think our partners should too. I think more of us should speak to our partners about what we want and crave. I think if we did, it would make things easier, and may even let your partner learn more about you and the kinks you’re into. Pushing away your desires, pocketing your cravings, only stops you from gaining maximum satisfaction. Express it, embrace it, do it.

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Sex Memoir

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Sex Talk Pt. 11 – Mutual Pleasure

Do you want sex to be one sided? Are you cool with just one person achieving maximum stimulation? I’m not just talking about coming. I’m talking about cravings and desires being fulfilled. Should only one person feel fully satisfied mentally (yes, sex is also mental), and physically when sex is over? If both parties aren’t being satisfied then the sex wasn’t truly fulfilling. Even if both parties came, that doesn’t mean they are both walking away a hundred percent satisfied.

Some may think that if a person made their partner cum, that the mission of maximum stimulation was achieved. But what about the other person involved? If I came but you didn’t, is the job done? Have your cravings been fulfilled? Probably not. Sex is often said to be an exchange. But there are plenty of statistics showing that it isn’t an exchange. Sadly studies have shown for decades that women come less often than men.

There’s an easy way to change these statistics and an easy way to ensure that everyone has a blast – pun intended. Focus on each other. Focus on making your partner happy. Focus on pleasing them. You can do plenty of small things to boost pleasure. The more you get to know your partner, the easier this becomes. But even if you laid with someone for the first time, as soon as you finished reading this, focusing on their pleasure will separate you from others.

People are often greedy and selfish. Everyone is trying to focus on coming, not coming, focusing on the momemt, attempting not to focus on the many things going through their minds. I understand all of those things and the reasoning behind them. However, if we focus on making the experience great for both parties, we can take things to a higher level of intimacy and pleasure.

In closing, it’s wise to focus on your partner’s pleasure. If both parties are doing this then it is easier to reach the goal of mutual pleasure. It’s easier to be satiated when the session is over. Ensuring your partner’s check list of wants is cleared, can also ensure great sex for two. And for men this can prove as a helpful way of taking your mind off of you reaching the finishline. Keep your partner’s pleasure, cravings and desires in mind at all times.

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Sex Memoir

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Sex Talk Pt. 10 – Being Spontaneous

Sex can be great. Especially when the chemistry is right and you’ve gotten to know your partner well. When you know exactly what buttons to press, it’s a blast. But that can change rather quickly if you don’t keep things exciting. Which can prove to be challenging for partners who have been together for a while. So, here’s a way to help keep things fun.

Being spontaneous means doing things differently, possibly randomly, but definitely not routinely. Its very easy to slip into a routine when you’re with the same partner for a while. You might hit a few of your favorite positions, or a few of theirs and that’s it. Or maybe you mix it up, but there just too much sameness overall. Well, then it’s time to think outside of the box. Getting creative and adding some spice to your sex life can be both fun and rewarding.

When you’re stuck in a routine or just not having fun anymore, it’s best to switch it up. Taking a second to think about what may be fun, or what you haven’t done with this partner can change the game. In fact, you can even do something that the two you haven’t done in a long time. Building anticipation can be fun in itself. But catching your partner off guard is even more fun. There are tons of ways to make it happen, but the point is, fun begets fun. Even throwing the routine away for a night (or day) can be a blast.

Making things different, thinking outside the box, or simply being creative is its own reward. Now, when your partner sees that you’re trying to do new or different stuff to spice things up, they’ll greatly appreciate it. They’ll reward you as well. They’ll express their appreciation one way or another. And the experience will be rewarding for you both. Everyone wins when you switch things up.

Being spontaneous means being willing to do something different. Being on your toes and ready to do something beyond the norm (whatever that is for you and your partner). You could take the kids to a sitter and surprise them with an empty house where only candles provide light. That’s different. That works. You could also surprise your partner for lunch break, and give them oral sex in the car and then buy them a meal right after. It all works. You just have to be creative and think about what’s fun for the two of you.

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Off The Rebound

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Sex Talk Pt. 9 – Positions

When it comes to positions there are some fan favorites and some very popular ones. Missionary is the default and many are fans of “doggy style”. But there are many other positions that are available to us. Some positions are better for clitoral exposure and others are better for hitting G-Spot. But which are better? And why are they better?

Well, as always you should be asking questions and speaking with your partner. Everyone likes different positions for different reasons. If you’re good with multitasking, then posotions that give more exlosure to the clitoris may be better for you. Perhaps you want to stimulate the clitoris during penatration. Or, if you are more focused on the G-Spot then you want to look into some other ones.

You can find different positions to try and to master in karma sutra books, online with a quick Google search, and even in porn. My advice is that you try a bunch of positions and see which ones you like. Make note of the ones you’re fond of even if your partner isn’t. This isn’t to be greedy, but partner’s change over time, and you should also know what you like. Just remember to also make note of which ones your partner did and did not enjoy as well. Then discuss those positions and see which ones you two would like to continue doing and which you should cease doing.

I remember years ago I was in a book store with my best friend. On one of the display cases was a book about karma sutra. I was a young adult (I think 20) and never heard of that. So I bought the book and began to learn and try different things. There’s still a few positions I’ve yet to try from the book. But I’ve tried many of them and with different partners. Sometimes I’ll pass my partner the book and ask them to choose one they’re interested in. Then we talk about it and try it in the near future.

Here’s a few of the positions from that book that you may want to try:

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Off The Rebound

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Sex Talk Pt. 8 – Communicating

There are plenty of horror stories of people not being able to climax because their partner didn’t know they had to do something specific, or their partner switched what they were doing and it altered the course of their climax. There are also stories of people feeling like they needed to put forth tons of effort to get their partner to the finish line. What if both of these could be avoided? What if a simple tool could help everyone win in all situations? What would we call this tool? Communication is the tool. Let’s talk about the act, of communicating.

Communicating is vital in all relationships. Both sexual and non sexual relationships can thrive or fall apart completely if there isn’t affective communication. Talking with your partner isn’t only important, it can be the key to climaxing, connecting more, and building better chemistry. For example, I’ve been in situations where I was on the reviving end of some A-Class oral sex. It was amazing, I was nearing the finish line, and then she stopped. We had vaginal sex afterwards and I was beside starting over. The sense was gone. Later on, I told the woman that I was nearing my climax when she stopped, and she angrily asked, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”

See she, like me – whenever I’ve been the giver and not the receiver – would have continued for another moment or so to make that climax cum to forwishing (pun intended). Yet without the knowledge of it being near, and a jaw on the verge of “locking”, she felt it best to throw in the towel. I can’t blame her. I’m guilty of stopping in a similar situation or two. But if you tell me you’re about to cum, as 112 once said, “Baby I ain’t go nowhere”.

When we communicated with our partner it provides information, it can alleviate stress, and even bring excitement to a situation. Keeping your partner in the dark is foolish, a waste of time and effort. Being assertive, expressing what you need and want, are more effective and more helpful. Help those who are trying to help you. Once we are transparent about these things, the path ahead will be a much smoother ride. And you’d be surprised how willing they are to reward you for communicating that to them.

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Sex Talk Pt. 7 – Planning

A lot of times we “go with the flow” or “freestyle” in the bedroom. Personally I’m a big fan of doing things that feel natural and letting things happen organically. Especially when you and your partner have good chemistry. It’s also nice to plan things at times. It sets a different tone and let’s things flow a bit differently.

When you come with a plan there’s less to be unsure about. You can also be more assertive. You can plan based on cravings or desires as well. For example, if you want to make a mess and get wild you could use whipped cream. Its soft, fluffy and doesn’t stick to body parts well. Mostly because we are warm and it melts. But it doesn’t have to be food or “toppings”.

You can plan a romantic night. You can plan a night full of great foreplay. You can set up a session that’s just based on wild oral sex. You can even do a theme like BDSM night or role play day. There are tons of options here. Each of them takes pressure off of you if you take a second to plan things out. This is even easier when you know your patner well or really listen to them when they talk about sex or sexual desires.

Another reason to put a plan together is to build excitement. It’s not to receive a call or text saying, “Tomorrow you just come through and be ready. I’ve got things planned out and you’re gonna cum a lot and have fun.” That’s a great text/call/email to receive. To just show up and have a blast. Zero pressure or expectations? Who doesn’t like that every once in a while?

To conclude, there is nothing wrong with “freestyling” sex or sexual activities. Its also helpful to switch things up every now and then. Remember that we want to keep sex fun and memorable. Planning ahead of time also gives us a clear path and saves time. Lastly, its easier to do this when you have great communication with your partner. The more you understand them, the easier it is to plan something fun for you both.

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