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Why Giving Your Partner Some Tips Can Improve Your Sex Life

Sex Talk Topic 5/25/21

There’s a theme going around where people feel that their partners should be able to do everything and anything to please them in the bedroom. They feel that their partner should come fully equipped and know everything they need and want. They believe that their partner(s) should know it all and be able to do it all. Some of the people who believe this feel so adamantly about it, that they refuse to teach their partners anything that they know. Even if that means that they won’t be fully pleased. After all, why should I have to teach them how to _______?

I’d like to pose a question to those who believe they shouldn’t teach their partner anything. My question is this: Did you know that giving your partner a few tips could be the difference between you reaching your “O” and not reaching it? Allow me to ask one more. If giving your partner a few tips, can take your sex life from good to great, is it not worth it? Can is the keyword here. If your partner is in the right neighborhood, but not at the right address, you can simply point them in the right direction. If your partner is in the right city, but in the wrong neighborhood, and far from the delivery address, why not give them directions? It can make a big difference. Plus you may not have to guide them too often. Especially if they’re willing to learn.

Here’s an example that may paint a better picture. Let’s say that your partner is going down on you. They are doing a good job, but they aren’t doing so well that you’re ready to burst. They aren’t doing so well that you are squirming and moaning uncontrollably. That definitely sucks, but things don’t have to stay that way. You don’t have to relive that subpar moment over and over again. You could give them a few tips to reach the goals you both aim to accomplish and those quick tips could make a huge difference. This is especially true if they are what I like to call a long-term sex partner.

If you’re going to be intimate with this person on a regular basis, then why not help them, help you? If they are willing to learn, and aiming to please you, then what do you lose teaching them a thing or two? I’d argue that you can benefit a great deal from teaching them a few quick things. Granted, everyone doesn’t learn at the same pace, nor do they come with the same level of experience. However, if you simply need to tell them to lick a little to the left and you’ll explode in half the time, isn’t it worth it?

Honestly, it’s not rocket science. We all have different preferences, likes, and dislikes. If your partner is lacking in a certain area, or you know how to help them step their game up, then help them. It benefits you and them. Teaching them a thing they don’t know, or helping them understand how to please you better is a good strategy. It allows them to learn, and it allows you to be pleased better, quicker, more efficiently, etc. This makes things more pleasurable for both parties and it can lead to lots of great times. If they are willing to learn, and you’re seeing them regularly, then it behooves you to do so. If they aren’t learning how to please you, or if they aren’t trying to be better, or if they don’t want to appease you, then maybe you don’t need them around. But if they’re down to learn, then show them, and watch how fast things improve and how much more explosive things become.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Why Faking Has To Stop

There’s an entire culture around faking orgasms. Women may be famous for doing it, but even men are known to fake an orgasm on occasion. Most women who are faking, are doing it to make their partner feel good. The idea is that their partner feels accomplished and successful. However, this actually does more damage than good.

A 2019 study found that 57% of the women they surveyed (via the internet) faked an orgasm to make their partner feel good. These ladies are with partners who are falling short. Instead of being honest these ladies are lying. Perhaps they think they are doing a good deed. I’m not 100% sure what drives them to do this. What I can say is, these numbers are alarming. In fact, each lie is contributing to a culture I disapproved of.

Male centered, misogynistic sex is legit and pretty dominant. Its the reason why for years in movies you only saw the man “finish”. Its the same reason why for far too long women were told to be submissive and satisfy their man in the bedroom. The misogyny continues in the bedroom, and lying to stroke that man’s ego reinforces (in his mind and others) that he should be the focus. That he’s “the man” and he should beat his chest after conquering another lady.

The male ego is fragile and perhaps that’s why these women are lying. But these fraudulent orgasms are only boosting the egos of men who are greedy and self centered. The reality is that sex should be mutually beneficial. Both people should strive to please each other and make every session as pleasurable as possible. The reality is, enforcing these lies is hurting women not helping them. You’re telling that partner they’ve done well, when in reality they haven’t done well enough.

There will be times when you don’t reach orgasm during sex. That isn’t a crime, however unfortunate it may be. Whay should happen when your climax isn’t reached is where the game changes. This is where I offer a solution. My solution is communication (yes again). Speaking to your partner allows them the room for growth, and the time to focus on your needs. If they came, and feel good, great. Now they can catch their breath and do whatever they must to return the favor. They have a mouth, hands, and more.

If this time is taken to learn your likes, and focus on you, it will also show them how to make you cum. It will help them step their game up, which in turn helps you. If they too are dedicated to making the pleasure mutual, and making you feel good, then this really isn’t a difficult ask. Even if they view it as a task, they should be willing to deliver. If not, they may not be worth your time. That decision is yours and yours alone. But please stop the faking.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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How To Prep For A Sex Session

We don’t always know when sex is going to happen. But when you know beforehand, it gives you the opportunity to prepare. There are a few different ways you can prepare. Especially if you have advanced notice (24 hours or more). I’ve decided to break it down into sections. Because each of these plays a part in preparing for the fun. Its always better to be prepared. It can avoid problems and keep the party flowing smoothly.

Diet:

What we eat directly affects our bowls, our stomachs, our scents, and more. For example, if you consume lots of cheese and dairy there’s a high chance that you’ll feel bloated. There are foods that make us gassy, and others that affect our breath or can seep our of your pours. One easy example is alcohol. Another is garlic. These are all things that aren’t very welcoming to a partner and can also divert your mood or sex drive. So, be mindful of what you eat leading upto a sex session.

Mental:

Mental preparation is probably one of the most slept on parts of sex. People often dive in, have no plan and didn’t prepare themselves for what’s about to go down. This is just as important with reoccurring partners as it is with brand new ones. Being ready, not being nervous, or overly anxious are helpful for both parties. You want to go in with a clear mind, a focused mind. A mind ready to embrace the fun, and bring positive vibes into the bedroom.

Hygiene:

Whether this is a long-term sex partner or a brand new one, it’s important to present yourself clean and ready. Both parties should be clean and ready to go. Whether your partner has tasted you hundreds of times, or never before, you want them to enjoy your tastes and smells. It’s true that some people may not want you fresh out the shower every time. We all have different preferences. But very few want you to come to a sex session salty and smelly. Show up ready to be sucked and fucked.

Communication:

Something I mention too often is communication. Speaking with your partner is always important and helpful. There are often so many things assumed and left unsaid before sex or meet ups. These things later cause tension, confusion and other problems. Ask whatever questions you may have, and give them the room to do the same. I’m not talking about planning the entire night. I’m talking about clearing the air and making sure that you’re both on the same page. A quick conversation prior can make a world of a difference.

Tools (condoms, toys, etc):

Every situation calls for different things. You may not need condoms, or Plan B pills, but perhaps you need a slew of other things for your fun. Make sure you have the handcuffs, whipped cream, strawberries, balls gag, zip ties, or whatever else available. If you need contraceptives make sure you have them or know who is responsible for bringing them. If you left the wand at their place, make sure they bring it back this time. This is part of communication, but is often its own piece of the puzzle. Its better to make sure you have these things before hand. You don’t want to show up without something that may have been a big part of the plan for the night.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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The Pros & Cons of a One Night Stand

Sometimes you meet a person and things are just flowing. The chemistry is right, the setting is adding to the mood. There’s a good vibe and whether its the dancing, the booze, or the conversation, something is connecting you and this other person. You start thinking about taking things outside of this place (bar, lounge, brunch, etc). You start thinking about being in a more private setting. You start thinking about a one night stand.

A one night stand is typically when you have a singular sex session with a person you either just met, or a one night affair with someone you already know. The premise is that you’re going to “sleep” with this person one time. They get one night and nothing else. That one night can be anywhere. But the general concept is that you’re going to have a wild time with them, and then never be intimate with this person again. Or as a friend of mine says, “Have fun with it, and be done with it”.

I’ve heard horror stories and epic stories about one night stands. In this day and age they are often labeled as casual sex and nothing more. But its not just casual sex. Especially when this is done with a stranger. Casusal sex usually alludes to sex without a commitment. That’s true here, but this is a bit more specific. This also isn’t a regular thing with someone you’re already sleeping with.

There are some good things about one night stands. There are also some bad things. Let’s dive into each category.

Pros:

– No strings attached

– The risks and thrill of it are intoxicating

– You don’t have to wait to become physical/intimate. You dive right into it

– A fun time with someone who you probably didn’t know, or didn’t know very well

– Hopefully a great time/great memories

– The possibility to make it more than a one night stand. Rare, but possible.

– Sometimes this is a great way to investigate how things are with someone you’ve been curious about.

– If nothing else, its sex and a distraction from the world

Cons:

– A wasted night (if it’s a bad experience)

– If you sleep with someone you have to see regularly (coworker or friend), this can lead to lots of awkward moments or other issues.

– The risk of embarrassment if/when you see them again

– Pregnancy (if you don’t use protection, or didn’t use it properly).

– STD Infection (Because 9/10 times you didn’t get any test results from them prior)

It’s important that we stop those lust filled moments on the dance floor, at the bar, or in the bathroom, to assess the risks we are about to take. You may be getting a rush of lustful thoughts and feelings, but you have to ask yourself is it worth it to move forward. Your answer may vary situation by situation. My answer today may be different than it was ten years ago, and it may depend who I’m locked in the bathroom with. The excitement can overwhelm you, but you have to take a deep breath and think about all of the things involved. Risk assessment is vital. Clear headed thoughts are usually better ones. Plus you’ve got to live with this later on, regardless of the outcome.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Why You Should Always Be Stepping Your Sex Game Up

As I said in a previous blog, “Even your favorite position, every day, gets boring”. Staying stagnate is dangerous. Especially with sex partners. More so, when you are with that partner frequently. Long term sex partners are often entangled and intimate. This means they are having sex for a long period of time. No one wants to be doing the same exact thing(s) for years and years.

If you started having sex ten or twenty years ago, then I’d hope that you have learned, and evolved sexually over the years. Many people have knowledge and experience. But, when they find a partner they like, they become complacent. Whether your partner is your significant other, or a long term sex partner of another kind, you’ve probably had a lot of sex over the years. That’s great. But even great sex can become boring when its repetitive.

The same way that we should be striving to be better and evolve in life, we should be doing the same in the bedroom. The problem with being stagnant or complacent with sex is that the flame of your relationship (both in and out of the bedroom) can be affected by it. Simply put, people get bored with sameness. We all have fantasies, unfulfilled desires, and things we’d like to do one day. We also have short attention spans in 2021.

You can’t expect anyone to be okay with a copy and paste method month in and month out, year in and year out. We have got to level up. And that journey is different for everyone. You have to be honest about where you’re at, and what your partner’s expectations are. I advise discussing it with your partner and also doing a self audit. Ask yourself where you’re lacking and then see how you can improve that. Also, speak to your partner and see how you can better accommodate them and their needs. Idealistically they will be doing the same. Then the two of you can learn and grow together.

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Why Marathon Sex Is Important

Sex is something we all need and crave. But how much sex? One and done? Three rounds? These answers may vary based on timing, partners, mood and more. One thing is for sure, there’s nothing like an all day/night sex session.

We all need a good bang out session every now and then. I’m talking about the type of sex that happens for hours and hours and when its over you’re both drained, and the memory is etched in your brains. Both of you have released many times, and you’ll probably never forget it. Laying there, your soul floating above you, your energy in the negative, a few body parts sore, and a grin on your face.

Having sex all night is mentioned often in songs, movies, and shows. But its not something we do regularly. And if you’re in a lengthy relationship its probably been a while since you’ve done it. Which is sad, because it’s great and serves a great purpose in my opinion. Besides it leaving a long lasting impression on both parties, it does something else that’s pretty fantastic.

Long, extended sex sessions aka marathons are great for resetting out mind, body, and desires. Just think, in one long session you can release as many times as you can take, pass out for a bit, and release some more. On top of that, you can do a bunch of things you’ve been craving or wanting to try. The best part is, this can be done for a special occasion, a three day weekend, or that vacation time you had to take before you lost it. Its a good idea anytime. Most of all, if done correctly neither of you will forget it for a long time.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 23 – How And When To Have Selfless Sex

Selfless sex? Like forget about myself? Completely forget about myself? Yes. Sometimes you have to do this. But when? And why?

I’m a big believer in sex being mutually beneficial. I believe pleasure should be mutual. Too often people only care about themselves and their own needs during sex. However, there are also times when you need to completely forget about yourself and your needs. That’s right, nothing for you and everything for them.

I’m not saying that every time should be completely about them, and your needs should be neglected. Definitely not. But, there’s nothing wrong with putting your needs in your back pocket and completely making it about them for a day. Hit all of their spots, do all of their favorite things, and let them know you want them, and appreciate them. Even if you’re not a fan of talking during sex, let them know before or after. Vocalize that this session is all about them, and showing your appreciation for them.

When: Once in a while. Maybe once a month, or once every three months. It depends on how often y’all get down, and how things are flowing with the two of you. A great time to do this is if you see they are feeling down, or need a little bit of a “pick me up”.

How: Forget about you. Forget about the things you yearn for. Focus on them, and them alone. Do all the things that they like, all of the things that they crave, put them in their favorite positions, and most importantly, tell them that this session is all about them. Tell them you appreciate them, and desire to please them.

To conclude, we all like feeling special. There’s nothing like being the complete focus of a sex session. One episode about a different character won’t ruin the show. In fact, it often helps. Who doesn’t like being told nice things, while all of their favorite things are being done to them, while all of their needs and wants are being met? Whispering nice things to them as you do all of the things that they like, will definitely get you extra points. It’s a gift, that keeps on giving. A gift that won’t be forgotten, and perhaps they’ll return the favor in the near future. But even if they don’t, you will given them a memorable moment, and that’s a win for you too.

Quick Links:

The Coding of a Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 22 – How to Make a Bedroom Playlist

Bedroom Playlist like any other playlists are focused on vibes. You want to keep a few things in mind when creating one. The mood you want to focus on, the tempo you’re trying to set, and your partner. Remember that this playlist will be something you listen to together. So you want to make it enjoyable for the both of you. Keep that in mind when choosing the genre, tone, and tracks.

Step 1:

Open your preferred DSP (Digital Streaming Platform) like Tidal, Spotify, Apple Music, etc.

Step 2:

Decide what genre(s) you think are best for you and your partner.

Step 3:

If you know some artists for that genre then search their names and choose a track or two that fit the tone/tempo you want the playlist to have.

If you don’t know anyone in the genre you can search the genre itself and songs, artists and other playlists will pop up. Choose from the search results.

Step 4:

Once you have a song you want to choose press options and add to playlist. Then you’re going to press “Create New Playlist”. Add a name and the track will upload to the playlist.

Step 5:

Continue to add songs to the playlist that match your criteria. Once you have at least 15 songs you’re ready to go.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 21 – Why You Need A Bedroom Playlist

Music soothes the soul. Music has the power to change moods. Music has the power to spark emotions. Who doesn’t love a good song? Or a few …

As good as it is to hear each other, there’s nothing like hearing great music to help set the mood, or the tone. They say all super heros need theme music. I think memorable sex does too. Whether you’re using the music to drown out background noise from the apartment or neighborhood you’re in, or using it to stay in rhythm, a good playlist is helpful either way. And they don’t need to be 30 hours long either.

A good playlist can start the night off for you. You can have it playing when they walk in the room and it will grab their attention. It may even get the no-pants party started for you. Your partner could hear a song that sends them into heat, and begin stripping right then and there. Or, perhaps it snaps them back to a time when the two of you had a great intimate moment. Perhaps they’d like to recreate that moment.

A good playlist can also serve as a distraction. It could be a way of muting the loud neighbor, or roommate. It can also let those people know not to distrub the two of you. It can also be very helpful when trying new things in the bedroom. Sometimes you need a distraction so you’re not focusing on the pain or the super sensitive area they are kissing on. It can even help calm your nervousness during anxious moments. A little Luther goes a long way.

A playlist can be as short as 15 songs. The average song is 3.5 mins. That puts your playlist just under an hour. You can put that playlist on repeat mode and have a great night. When curating it – putting it together – you want to keep your partner in mind. Make sure the playlist is going to entice them. Create a vibe.

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Sex Talk Pt. 20 – Learn How To Turn Your Partner On Before Sex

Sex can be great. It can be fun, hot and heavy, and it can overwhelm your senses in a good way. But have you ever been in the opposite position? When someone just tries to get sex to happen without doing anything to turn you on? Like they just expected you to be “hot n ready” like a Lil Ceasars pizza? Have you ever been the person expecting your partner to be ready to go, just cause?

Its true that in some situations you’d assume your partner knew what time it was. But even in booty call or pre-planned moments you shouldn’t assume. Its best to never assume. Because when you assume you skip stuff, answer for the other person, and force the two of you into awkward moments. Which could all be avoided if you took the time to turn them on.

Now, if you’ve been with more than one partner in your life, you know that everyone has different needs, wants and desires. So its imperative that you learn your partner. You need to learn their likes and dislikes, but you also need to learn how to turn them on. Its not just a flick of a switch for everyone. And even wanting to have sex, doesn’t mean they’re turned on. Remember, arousal is physical and mental.

In order to best serve your partner, in order to have great sex, you need to know how to turn them on. You need to know what buttons to push, at what times. What sends them into high gear with the least amount of efforts? What’s their favorite thing that turns them on little by little? Do you know those things? You should. It would benefit the both of you.

In closing, you want to speak to them, study them, and learn how to get them from not in the mood, to “take me now”. The answer isn’t always oral sex or intercourse. Once you’ve found those things out you can take things to new levels. It could be something visual, audible, or physical. It could be a mix of all of them. Maybe they want their ass rubbed, while you choke them, and call them gorgeous. Who knows? Its your job to find out, and its not their job to just be a green light for you to go whenever you want.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor: Part 1