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5 Things You Should Never Do In The Bedroom

There are tons of things that we should and shouldn’t be doing in the bedroom. Like many important things, we often learn this through mistakes and experience. I thought it may be helpful to give you a short list of definite things you should never do during sexual activities. These things are big no-nos during the forbidden dance. Sadly people do them often. If you’re doing any of these, I implore you to stop.

Playing dead is something animals do when in fear of a predator. Often this is a predator they cannot defeat with their strengths, so they play dead and outwit their foe. Your sex partner is not your enemy. In fact they are more like your dance partner. If you were at a hot party, dancing, moving, touching, sweating, you wouldn’t want them to just stand still. Sexual activity requires movement, participation. Participate. Don’t just lay there like a log. Join in by using all of the available parts of your body to make your partner feel good.

Sex should be mutually beneficial. Sometimes your partner may treat you and make you the focus of the session. That’s great, and fun. Unless that’s the aim for the current session, you shouldn’t be hoarding the pleasure. You shouldn’t be keeping it all for you and storing up as much as possible, to save for a rainy day. As opposed to making it about you, and only you (and your needs), make it about the two of you. Share the moment, share the pleasure. Realize that the more you please them, the more they want to please you. Sharing is caring, and there is no “i” in team (or in sex).

We all know the famous saying about what happens when you assume. Yet so many people assume during sexual activities. You assume they want this. You assume they don’t want that. You assume they want to be in this position. You assume they don’t want to be in that position. Stop that! You have no right to decide what they want or don’t want. Or what they will or won’t do. Stop assuming and speak. Ask questions, make suggestions, give hints, do something. But DO NOT ASSUME! For when you do so, you strip your partner of the choice, and that’s never okay.

People love to hold back during sex. They hold back everything they can. Climaxing, moaning, screaming, and whatever else they can imagine. Yes its true that build up helps an orgasm feel more intense. But if your partner is doing their job, and aiming to please you, allow them to do so. If you feel the urge to moan, do it. Want to scream, let it out. Sex should be flowing, natural, and fun. Putting constraints and restrictions on it doesn’t help either of you.

I had to save the trickiest one for last … Being impatient. Too many of us are like little kids at a store screaming out, “I want it! I want it!” But good things come to those who wait. Rushing through things, making demands, having no patience at all, will completely ruin a sexual activity. If she’s not wet enough, help her get there. If he’s not hard, give him a second to stretch out. Allowing your impatience to frustrate you often does the same to your partner. Now you’re both upset and no one got what they wanted. Better to be proactive than reactive. Take a breath, and give it a second. Know that you’re desires will be satisfied if you give your partner some time.

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How To Prep For A Sex Session

We don’t always know when sex is going to happen. But when you know beforehand, it gives you the opportunity to prepare. There are a few different ways you can prepare. Especially if you have advanced notice (24 hours or more). I’ve decided to break it down into sections. Because each of these plays a part in preparing for the fun. Its always better to be prepared. It can avoid problems and keep the party flowing smoothly.

Diet:

What we eat directly affects our bowls, our stomachs, our scents, and more. For example, if you consume lots of cheese and dairy there’s a high chance that you’ll feel bloated. There are foods that make us gassy, and others that affect our breath or can seep our of your pours. One easy example is alcohol. Another is garlic. These are all things that aren’t very welcoming to a partner and can also divert your mood or sex drive. So, be mindful of what you eat leading upto a sex session.

Mental:

Mental preparation is probably one of the most slept on parts of sex. People often dive in, have no plan and didn’t prepare themselves for what’s about to go down. This is just as important with reoccurring partners as it is with brand new ones. Being ready, not being nervous, or overly anxious are helpful for both parties. You want to go in with a clear mind, a focused mind. A mind ready to embrace the fun, and bring positive vibes into the bedroom.

Hygiene:

Whether this is a long-term sex partner or a brand new one, it’s important to present yourself clean and ready. Both parties should be clean and ready to go. Whether your partner has tasted you hundreds of times, or never before, you want them to enjoy your tastes and smells. It’s true that some people may not want you fresh out the shower every time. We all have different preferences. But very few want you to come to a sex session salty and smelly. Show up ready to be sucked and fucked.

Communication:

Something I mention too often is communication. Speaking with your partner is always important and helpful. There are often so many things assumed and left unsaid before sex or meet ups. These things later cause tension, confusion and other problems. Ask whatever questions you may have, and give them the room to do the same. I’m not talking about planning the entire night. I’m talking about clearing the air and making sure that you’re both on the same page. A quick conversation prior can make a world of a difference.

Tools (condoms, toys, etc):

Every situation calls for different things. You may not need condoms, or Plan B pills, but perhaps you need a slew of other things for your fun. Make sure you have the handcuffs, whipped cream, strawberries, balls gag, zip ties, or whatever else available. If you need contraceptives make sure you have them or know who is responsible for bringing them. If you left the wand at their place, make sure they bring it back this time. This is part of communication, but is often its own piece of the puzzle. Its better to make sure you have these things before hand. You don’t want to show up without something that may have been a big part of the plan for the night.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 18 – Taking Notes Will Improve Your Sex Life

You’ve got a million little things to do. One of them is your partner. If you care about pleasing them, or simply having a good time, then this tip will be helpful. Getting to know your partner takes time. As time passes, what people like and dislike will change. In the moment, many things can happen. You probably won’t remember every detail of every sex session.

If you want to pass the class, you have to take good notes. That doesn’t just apply to college courses. You can be good at sex, you can pay attention to details, but if you don’t take notes, you’re going to miss out on a lot. You could also just forget stuff. Being busy, and having lots on your mind, can make you forget vital information.

Do you need to have a physical notebook? No. Do you need to jot things down in your phone? No. Whichever you choose is fine. If you think your memory is good enough, you can use that. But these bookmarks, or sticky notes, will make a big difference.

Simply put, there are things that stand out in a good and a bad way during sexual moments. Foreplay, oral sex, intercourse, and after sex cuddles, all provide you with information. What you do with that information is up to you. Seeing those things is one skill, knowing what to do with that information is another. And, that information could be about them or about you. Either way, its good to be able to look back at those notes later on.

Taking notes will give you a slew of things to look back on, reflect on, use, or improve on. If your notes say your partner likes “Thing A”, you can do it more often. If your partner says they love when you wear blue underwear, you can make sure to have that color on next time you see them. Or, if you have a list of things they don’t like, you can skip that on focus on what they do like. You can also take notes on things you like and don’t like. Data collection is step 1. Reviewing and using that data is step 2.

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The Coding of a Bachelor: Part 1

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Sex talk 12 – Expressing Desires & Cravings

We all have cravings and desires. I’m not only talking about cake and ice cream either. Your partner may have amazing tongue skills and more. They may know your body well too. But if you’re not expressing your cravings, the things you desire, then it will be challenging to get them fulfilled.

Knowing what you want is hard enough. Then comes the inner debate about expressing or not expressing those things to your partner. You may think that what you’re craving is too much for your partner. Or perhaps its something small, but too wild for your partner’s taste. If you’re leaving it to chance, or hoping your parner is Professor X, there’s a low probability of you getting what you want.

So how do you get what you want? How do you get your cravings fulfilled? By expressing them. Which can be scary and difficult. However, often, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. It also means that if you don’t express, you won’t receive. Embracing your desires, expressing your cravings, and empowering yourself can all be synonyms.

Speaking up is powerful. Asking for what you want isn’t wrong. I think we should embrace it. I think our partners should too. I think more of us should speak to our partners about what we want and crave. I think if we did, it would make things easier, and may even let your partner learn more about you and the kinks you’re into. Pushing away your desires, pocketing your cravings, only stops you from gaining maximum satisfaction. Express it, embrace it, do it.

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Sex Memoir