Sex Talk Pt. 9 – Positions

When it comes to positions there are some fan favorites and some very popular ones. Missionary is the default and many are fans of “doggy style”. But there are many other positions that are available to us. Some positions are better for clitoral exposure and others are better for hitting G-Spot. But which are better? And why are they better?

Well, as always you should be asking questions and speaking with your partner. Everyone likes different positions for different reasons. If you’re good with multitasking, then posotions that give more exlosure to the clitoris may be better for you. Perhaps you want to stimulate the clitoris during penatration. Or, if you are more focused on the G-Spot then you want to look into some other ones.

You can find different positions to try and to master in karma sutra books, online with a quick Google search, and even in porn. My advice is that you try a bunch of positions and see which ones you like. Make note of the ones you’re fond of even if your partner isn’t. This isn’t to be greedy, but partner’s change over time, and you should also know what you like. Just remember to also make note of which ones your partner did and did not enjoy as well. Then discuss those positions and see which ones you two would like to continue doing and which you should cease doing.

I remember years ago I was in a book store with my best friend. On one of the display cases was a book about karma sutra. I was a young adult (I think 20) and never heard of that. So I bought the book and began to learn and try different things. There’s still a few positions I’ve yet to try from the book. But I’ve tried many of them and with different partners. Sometimes I’ll pass my partner the book and ask them to choose one they’re interested in. Then we talk about it and try it in the near future.

Here’s a few of the positions from that book that you may want to try:

Quick Links:

Off The Rebound

Sex Talk Pt. 1 – Mental Preparation

“Lets talk about sex.” – Salt-N-Pepa

There are tons of songs, with catchy lines that say let’s have sex. There are entire apps dedicated to dating with the intent of sex, and “Hook up” apps like Tinder. Some of my friends are having lots of sex, some aren’t having any. But, we all think about, and talk about sex in some form or fashion pretty regularly. So, let’s talk sex.

In 2020, especially after society has been allowed to come outside again in most states, it seems like everyone is ready to jump into sex. Many have been stuck at home for months and weren’t able to get any. Others were home with a significant other and were getting it in as often as possible. Regardless which situation you were in, it’s summer, and masks probably aren’t the only thing you want people to take off. .

Sex is great, right? Wrong. Sex CAN be great. And you have to ask yourself what the difference is. Sex has the potential to be Earth shaking, pregnancy scaring, and even life changing. But let’s be real, that’s not what happens on a regular basis. At least not for everyone. Some people are out there having horrible sex, and settling for it. There are others having a great experience time in and time out. There are a ton of things that contribute to either experience. Lighting, mood, music, smells, tastes, the partner, your feelings towards them and more.

The question I pose is what can YOU do to enhance your sexual encounters? Well, here is my answer. It is the first and most important of many answers. It will be our focus today. I believe that this is similar to happiness. Hear me out. Many of us were taught that you need certain things to be happy. But that default list of things, that template is not true for everyone. The same goes with sex. I may need to tie someone up, and blind fold them to feel satisfied. You may need lots of oral sex, followed by intercourse. A third person may need lots of foreplay and then to be held afterwards to be good. Truth be told I’ve been all three of these scenarios at different times.

If the sexual needs are different, then the path to satisfaction must be different too right? Wrong. I believe that happiness comes from within. I also believe that sexual happiness starts from within. Your mental is the core of your being. The mind gives out messages to every system in the body. It’s the control center. This is true for sex as well. Mind over matter, is quoted often and is constantly relevant. The reason remains true, it starts within you.

Start by seeking sexual happiness. Ask yourself some questions and allow yourself to answer those questions. The answers may be extremely helpful.

What is it that makes you cum? What is it that turns you on? Are you having sex to cum? What are you looking for out of sex? Is sex just about you? How open are you to having sex? How open are you to trying new things?

If you start with yourself, then you can move forward. But going into sex no knowing what you want, what you aim to do, what your needs are, or how much you want to focus or not focus on your own pleasure, can make all the difference.

Here’s a quick example before I go.

Years ago, I dated a woman who loved anal sex. She was crazy about it. That was a huge turn on for me. But even though she loved anal sex, and we were both anticipating it, I remember one night when it wouldn’t work out no matter what we tried. Oral sex and making her cum before doing anal didn’t work. Fingering her asshole before trying to insert myself, didn’t work. Using lots of lube and a toy, didn’t work. And using a ton of lube, and trying to get inside of her raw didn’t work either.

Finally I asked what’s wrong. I asked if she changed her mind or felt pressured. I told her that we could do it another time. She expressed that she did want it, and was really frustrated that it wasn’t working out. We decided to take a break, listen to music, and just cuddle for a bit. A little while later we gave it a try, and it was a smooth and successful session. Her frustration was making her body reject things. Her mind and lack of patience interrupted things. Once she was calm and ready to receive, things went smoothly.

Sometimes you have to clear your mind, and simply embrace what’s going on right now. But first you have to be ready to do so. Talk with yourself, and figure out what your wants and needs are. Figure out what you are here for.

Quick Links:

Off The Rebound: A Sex Memoir

Sexual Intellectual Playlist

Dating Someone New Pt. 3

Recently I discussed the importance of asking questions. Gaining information, learning, creating solutions and gaining insight all come from asking questions. That segways into our next topic. Which is really just the larger picture. Although this term is often looked at as basic, it is vital in any relationship. And it couldn’t be more important when dating someone new.

in the era of ghosting, dating apps, and short attention spans communication is probably more important than ever. Especially with lockdowns, restrictions, and social distancing complicating the dating scene even more. The layers of complication seem to be mounting against the single crowd. Without communication and a few other tools I don’t see how you’d get through it all. So, let’s speak a bit about communication.

It seems that in 2020 basic communication is almost a foreign notion. There are all types of assumptions and expectations that seem to come out of thin air. Covid19 hasn’t helped that one bit. In fact it’s over complicated some things and simplified others. The first date may just be a video chat now. But even if that is so, you’d have to communicate to set that up.

You’d need to know when the other person’s free, what’s the best time or date for them, and a slew of other things. Doing things spontaneously or off the whim is fine and can be exciting. However, without clear communication things may fall apart rather quickly. One of the keys to any relationship is clearly communicating. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, spouse or best friend. You need to speak and be clear about things.

For example, I am against smoking cigarettes. Better said, I prefer not to deal with anyone on an intimate level if they smoke cigarettes. However, I am obligated to express that to anyone I talk to. If we are exploring things, trying to establish a bond, or even if we have chemistry, a simple cig can tarnish the evening. I’ve made exceptions before and they were respectful. However, even then, I needed to express my limitations.

It is true that asking questions is vital and brings important information out. However, we cannot assume that the other person will ask us a laundry list of questions. We must take responsibility and communicate. At minimum people need to know your intentions, your limitations, your expectations, and so on. Even if we are talking about a, “hook up”.

If you and someone else have established that you’re attracted to one another, everyone got tested (for STIs and Coronavirus), and is ready for fun, great. What next? Consent obviously, but what else? They may just be coming over every Wednesday night at 9pm for a smash and dash, and then jumping in an uber. Sounds great. But not if you’re not communicating properly.

They would need to know when arrive, when to go, can they stay over, do you have roommates, and much more. Again, we cannot assume that they will ask questions or know everything. Letting them know what’s going on prior will make for a smoother time. “I have a roommate, a cat, and after 9pm I’m free all night. If you want to stay over you can, but I have to leave home at 8am to do _____”. That is informative, helpful, and clear.

If you want less mess, communicate more. I’m not saying tell them your deep dark secrets. I wouldn’t go that route. But decide what you need to express, and so in a calm and clear way. I am pretty sure that both parties will benefit from it.

Quick Links:

Amazon Ebook


Dating Someone New Pt. 1

There were all types of dates you could go on before Coronavirus hit the U.S. and we have all been on our fair share of them. Dinner dates, brunch dates, dates to museums, concerts, and all types of interesting venues. I’m sure that of all the dates you’ve been on, you had a few favorites. Well, as I sit and reminisce about past dates, I wanted to share mine with you.

Prior to Coronavirus hitting the U.S. I was a huge fan of going to the movies. I enjoyed going to the movies and I did so regularly. I had a subscription where I could go to the movies three times a week and see it in any format. That means I could see a 3D movie, a 4D movie, a movie with enhanced sound, a movie in IMAX format, and I could do so three times a week without having to pay any extra charge. Let me tell y’all, I lived in the movies! I’d be there religiously. Alone, with friends, and even with my daughter.

Whenever I had the opportunity to do so with a lady I was getting to know, I would. Some of you may think that this is an insignificant, lazy date, and I can definitely see that perspective. However, I’d like to offer another perspective. I like to use the movies as a date for multiple reasons. And, I’ve got no problem letting you in on exactly why that’s the case. All I ask is that you hear me out …

One of the reasons I enjoy going to the movies, especially with someone you’re getting to know is … it helps you get to know them. You get to learn. Yes, learn. You get to see a bunch of stuff about this person that you would not have known. You also get to see how they react and act with both personal and general things. You probably read that and thought, “How Sway?” Lol. Well, first you learn what types of movies they like to watch.

Next, you get to learn what kind of snacks they like. If you love snacks like I do, this is fun because you get to see what stuff you both like and can share or not share. You also get to see how they react to things that happen in the film. Some of their reactions will come from a personal or intimate place. Others will come from their views on general topics. Both teach you things.

The second reason I like going to the movies is strictly selfish. I like snacking! I also feel that when you can share those snacks, make it a shared experience, its more fun. More snacks and more fun are always a good thing. I like it. I know, its a bit selfish, but I dig it lol.

The next reason is the movies sort of act as a bridge to the next date. Because once we walk out the movie we enter an inquisitive second half of the date. Curiosity has formed and interesting conversations should be flowing now. What did you think of the film? Word, you liked that part? Yo, remember when she fell? That was funny right? Noteworthy things are often mentioned in those conversations. “I thought it was messed up that the government didn’t work harder to stop the spread of the virus”. “It was really funny when she fell in front of the guy she liked, but I also felt really bad for her”. These may seem like simply reactionary comments but they are glimpses of the person’s thoughts and perhaps even their belief system.

This will vary on a person by person basis, what film you saw, and how well the conversations flow. But I find this to be a great took to see how me and this lady gel. It gives us both great insight and can make the time after the movies be both informative and enjoyable. I love picking lady’s brains and seeing what they think of things. The movies gives me a bunch of topics. It may do the same for her. This allows us both to quench our curiosity, share things about ourselves, get to know the person, and more.

To recap, one movie can give you a ton of info and help you get to know this other person. Whether the movie is good or bad, happy or sad, it still works. You can have snacks, good conversation and get to know the other person better. This even works with people you aren’t trying to get to know intimately. Snacks, entertainment, good conversation, and sharing all in one night. I don’t know about you, but this was a blast for me before Coronavirus. I aim to go to the movies again when all of this is over. Maybe I’ll see you there 😁