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Why Giving Your Partner Some Tips Can Improve Your Sex Life

Sex Talk Topic 5/25/21

There’s a theme going around where people feel that their partners should be able to do everything and anything to please them in the bedroom. They feel that their partner should come fully equipped and know everything they need and want. They believe that their partner(s) should know it all and be able to do it all. Some of the people who believe this feel so adamantly about it, that they refuse to teach their partners anything that they know. Even if that means that they won’t be fully pleased. After all, why should I have to teach them how to _______?

I’d like to pose a question to those who believe they shouldn’t teach their partner anything. My question is this: Did you know that giving your partner a few tips could be the difference between you reaching your “O” and not reaching it? Allow me to ask one more. If giving your partner a few tips, can take your sex life from good to great, is it not worth it? Can is the keyword here. If your partner is in the right neighborhood, but not at the right address, you can simply point them in the right direction. If your partner is in the right city, but in the wrong neighborhood, and far from the delivery address, why not give them directions? It can make a big difference. Plus you may not have to guide them too often. Especially if they’re willing to learn.

Here’s an example that may paint a better picture. Let’s say that your partner is going down on you. They are doing a good job, but they aren’t doing so well that you’re ready to burst. They aren’t doing so well that you are squirming and moaning uncontrollably. That definitely sucks, but things don’t have to stay that way. You don’t have to relive that subpar moment over and over again. You could give them a few tips to reach the goals you both aim to accomplish and those quick tips could make a huge difference. This is especially true if they are what I like to call a long-term sex partner.

If you’re going to be intimate with this person on a regular basis, then why not help them, help you? If they are willing to learn, and aiming to please you, then what do you lose teaching them a thing or two? I’d argue that you can benefit a great deal from teaching them a few quick things. Granted, everyone doesn’t learn at the same pace, nor do they come with the same level of experience. However, if you simply need to tell them to lick a little to the left and you’ll explode in half the time, isn’t it worth it?

Honestly, it’s not rocket science. We all have different preferences, likes, and dislikes. If your partner is lacking in a certain area, or you know how to help them step their game up, then help them. It benefits you and them. Teaching them a thing they don’t know, or helping them understand how to please you better is a good strategy. It allows them to learn, and it allows you to be pleased better, quicker, more efficiently, etc. This makes things more pleasurable for both parties and it can lead to lots of great times. If they are willing to learn, and you’re seeing them regularly, then it behooves you to do so. If they aren’t learning how to please you, or if they aren’t trying to be better, or if they don’t want to appease you, then maybe you don’t need them around. But if they’re down to learn, then show them, and watch how fast things improve and how much more explosive things become.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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5 Things You Should Never Do In The Bedroom

There are tons of things that we should and shouldn’t be doing in the bedroom. Like many important things, we often learn this through mistakes and experience. I thought it may be helpful to give you a short list of definite things you should never do during sexual activities. These things are big no-nos during the forbidden dance. Sadly people do them often. If you’re doing any of these, I implore you to stop.

Playing dead is something animals do when in fear of a predator. Often this is a predator they cannot defeat with their strengths, so they play dead and outwit their foe. Your sex partner is not your enemy. In fact they are more like your dance partner. If you were at a hot party, dancing, moving, touching, sweating, you wouldn’t want them to just stand still. Sexual activity requires movement, participation. Participate. Don’t just lay there like a log. Join in by using all of the available parts of your body to make your partner feel good.

Sex should be mutually beneficial. Sometimes your partner may treat you and make you the focus of the session. That’s great, and fun. Unless that’s the aim for the current session, you shouldn’t be hoarding the pleasure. You shouldn’t be keeping it all for you and storing up as much as possible, to save for a rainy day. As opposed to making it about you, and only you (and your needs), make it about the two of you. Share the moment, share the pleasure. Realize that the more you please them, the more they want to please you. Sharing is caring, and there is no “i” in team (or in sex).

We all know the famous saying about what happens when you assume. Yet so many people assume during sexual activities. You assume they want this. You assume they don’t want that. You assume they want to be in this position. You assume they don’t want to be in that position. Stop that! You have no right to decide what they want or don’t want. Or what they will or won’t do. Stop assuming and speak. Ask questions, make suggestions, give hints, do something. But DO NOT ASSUME! For when you do so, you strip your partner of the choice, and that’s never okay.

People love to hold back during sex. They hold back everything they can. Climaxing, moaning, screaming, and whatever else they can imagine. Yes its true that build up helps an orgasm feel more intense. But if your partner is doing their job, and aiming to please you, allow them to do so. If you feel the urge to moan, do it. Want to scream, let it out. Sex should be flowing, natural, and fun. Putting constraints and restrictions on it doesn’t help either of you.

I had to save the trickiest one for last … Being impatient. Too many of us are like little kids at a store screaming out, “I want it! I want it!” But good things come to those who wait. Rushing through things, making demands, having no patience at all, will completely ruin a sexual activity. If she’s not wet enough, help her get there. If he’s not hard, give him a second to stretch out. Allowing your impatience to frustrate you often does the same to your partner. Now you’re both upset and no one got what they wanted. Better to be proactive than reactive. Take a breath, and give it a second. Know that you’re desires will be satisfied if you give your partner some time.

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How To Give A Clitoral Orgasm

People with a clitoris can have different types of orgasms. Many of us know of the vaginal orgasm. This is often seen in movies, shows and adult films. In those scenes a woman reaches ecstasy while being penetrated. An orgasm is great, and the vaginal orgasm has been the spotlight in public and in Hollywood. People worship them and yearn for them. However many studies have shown that women struggle to reach their climax during vaginal sex for a number of reasons.

While many women may struggle to reach a vaginal orgasm, the cliroral orgasm shows other results. Women who have clitoral orgasms during sex have also said (in studies), that it made it easier for them to reach a vaginal orgasm. But what is a clitoral orgasm? A clitoral orgasm is when the clitoris is stimulated to the point where it brings a woman to orgasm. The climax comes from the clitoris being stimulated.

A clitoris is full of nerve endings. In fact is has twice as many as the tip of the penis. That means it’s twice as sentive. What you need to do is communicate with your partner and see what there preferred type of clitoral stimulation is. Studies have shown that some women like an up and down motion, while others like a circular motion. A few in the study says they prefer not to have direct stimulation. Meaning, they don’t want direct action on the clitoris. You can stimulate the clitoris by lickkng, sucking, rubbing, and even kissing it.

In conclusion, you want to help a woman achieve orgasm(s). The cliroral orgasm is achievable if you stimulate the clitoris. Speak with your partner and see what type of stimulation they like, and give them plenty of it. Because studies have also shown that 7/10 women have an easier time achieving a vaginal orgasm after having a cliroral orgasm. This can be the assist that you need, or just another way of making your partner cum, and feel great. Either way, the cliroral orgasm is a great thing and now you know how to help her have one.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Isn’t A Valentine’s Day Gift

February 14th is a day where we are “supposed” to show love to those we care for. Adoration is on full display with flowers, chocolates, wine, and more. People of all ages go on dates, do special things for the people they care for. Usually this is a partner or significant other. It’s an annual thing for those in relationships or those dating and celebrating. Exquisite dinner plans and hopefully a night filled with lust comes afterwards. For some, the purpose of the night is to get to the lusty evening. For others they want to offer all they can to their partner to show their love.

In America this is often one sided affair. It’s a day dedicated to women. A day where they are showered in gifts and expensive dinners. But believe me, there are women who do the same for their man. There are women who go all out! They cook special meals, buy thoughtful gifts and wear special, enticing things. The saddest part is that both of this great, thoughtful types of people are often given only one thing in return. Sex.

Let me be the first to tell you … sex is NOT a Valentine’s day gift. Its not a Christmas gift, an Easter gift, or any other holiday gift. What it is, is an insult. Its an insult for one person to go above and beyond to make you feel special and in return they are given sex as the one gift you give them. This other person has spent their time thinking of stuff to do, their time making those things come to forwishing, and then they spent money. It likely wasn’t five dollars either. In return you say thank you with sex …

Sex … just sex. Nope … that isn’t enough. Its not enough if its a marathon. Its not enough if its extra nasty. Nope. Its a slap in the face. Shame on you if that’s all you’re giving to the person who spent time and their hard earned money. Put yourself in their shoes. After weeks of planning, paying attention to details, to take them where they’d love to eat, to get them a gift they’d really like, or cook them their favorite meal, and spent money each step of the way, they not only show up empty handed … they say their going to let you have sex with them as your gift. What?

Shame on you for thinking sex was an equitable gift. And shame on those who are thirsty enough to accept sex as a gift after they’ve done so much for the other person. Especially if you were already having sex with that person. That’s nasty. Like disgusting. Not nasty like sexual and titillating. It’s gross. The thirst has to really be real for you to be cool with just getting sex as a gift. Nah, give me several hundred dollars back so we can be even. 😝

Gifts, presents, are supposed to be meaningful, nice gestures. Sex isn’t that. Sex is a cop out. The same way you want cool gifts or great meals at cool restaurants, so does that person. They’ve put work in, put time in, and even if you’re sex is Only Fans worthy, and extra nasty, its not a gift. Do be lame, don’t be selfish, give them something thats not your body and not the body they’ve already came in, on, etc. Do something special. Google and Pinterest have loads of ideas. Don’t be lazy and insulting.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Why Marathon Sex Is Important

Sex is something we all need and crave. But how much sex? One and done? Three rounds? These answers may vary based on timing, partners, mood and more. One thing is for sure, there’s nothing like an all day/night sex session.

We all need a good bang out session every now and then. I’m talking about the type of sex that happens for hours and hours and when its over you’re both drained, and the memory is etched in your brains. Both of you have released many times, and you’ll probably never forget it. Laying there, your soul floating above you, your energy in the negative, a few body parts sore, and a grin on your face.

Having sex all night is mentioned often in songs, movies, and shows. But its not something we do regularly. And if you’re in a lengthy relationship its probably been a while since you’ve done it. Which is sad, because it’s great and serves a great purpose in my opinion. Besides it leaving a long lasting impression on both parties, it does something else that’s pretty fantastic.

Long, extended sex sessions aka marathons are great for resetting out mind, body, and desires. Just think, in one long session you can release as many times as you can take, pass out for a bit, and release some more. On top of that, you can do a bunch of things you’ve been craving or wanting to try. The best part is, this can be done for a special occasion, a three day weekend, or that vacation time you had to take before you lost it. Its a good idea anytime. Most of all, if done correctly neither of you will forget it for a long time.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 21 – Why You Need A Bedroom Playlist

Music soothes the soul. Music has the power to change moods. Music has the power to spark emotions. Who doesn’t love a good song? Or a few …

As good as it is to hear each other, there’s nothing like hearing great music to help set the mood, or the tone. They say all super heros need theme music. I think memorable sex does too. Whether you’re using the music to drown out background noise from the apartment or neighborhood you’re in, or using it to stay in rhythm, a good playlist is helpful either way. And they don’t need to be 30 hours long either.

A good playlist can start the night off for you. You can have it playing when they walk in the room and it will grab their attention. It may even get the no-pants party started for you. Your partner could hear a song that sends them into heat, and begin stripping right then and there. Or, perhaps it snaps them back to a time when the two of you had a great intimate moment. Perhaps they’d like to recreate that moment.

A good playlist can also serve as a distraction. It could be a way of muting the loud neighbor, or roommate. It can also let those people know not to distrub the two of you. It can also be very helpful when trying new things in the bedroom. Sometimes you need a distraction so you’re not focusing on the pain or the super sensitive area they are kissing on. It can even help calm your nervousness during anxious moments. A little Luther goes a long way.

A playlist can be as short as 15 songs. The average song is 3.5 mins. That puts your playlist just under an hour. You can put that playlist on repeat mode and have a great night. When curating it – putting it together – you want to keep your partner in mind. Make sure the playlist is going to entice them. Create a vibe.

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Sex Talk Pt. 18 – Taking Notes Will Improve Your Sex Life

You’ve got a million little things to do. One of them is your partner. If you care about pleasing them, or simply having a good time, then this tip will be helpful. Getting to know your partner takes time. As time passes, what people like and dislike will change. In the moment, many things can happen. You probably won’t remember every detail of every sex session.

If you want to pass the class, you have to take good notes. That doesn’t just apply to college courses. You can be good at sex, you can pay attention to details, but if you don’t take notes, you’re going to miss out on a lot. You could also just forget stuff. Being busy, and having lots on your mind, can make you forget vital information.

Do you need to have a physical notebook? No. Do you need to jot things down in your phone? No. Whichever you choose is fine. If you think your memory is good enough, you can use that. But these bookmarks, or sticky notes, will make a big difference.

Simply put, there are things that stand out in a good and a bad way during sexual moments. Foreplay, oral sex, intercourse, and after sex cuddles, all provide you with information. What you do with that information is up to you. Seeing those things is one skill, knowing what to do with that information is another. And, that information could be about them or about you. Either way, its good to be able to look back at those notes later on.

Taking notes will give you a slew of things to look back on, reflect on, use, or improve on. If your notes say your partner likes “Thing A”, you can do it more often. If your partner says they love when you wear blue underwear, you can make sure to have that color on next time you see them. Or, if you have a list of things they don’t like, you can skip that on focus on what they do like. You can also take notes on things you like and don’t like. Data collection is step 1. Reviewing and using that data is step 2.

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The Coding of a Bachelor: Part 1

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Sex Talk Pt. 15 – Chemistry

Sometimes sex feels like it’s just flowing. It feels like it’s effortless, easy and fun. Other times sex feels like you’ve got to put in a lot of work mentally to even make it happen. One of the reasons this could be happening is because of chemistry. Chemistry isn’t just a science class where you learn how to combine elements. Breaking Bad was cool, but this is about another topic. Simply put, chemistry can take sex to levels you didn’t imagine. It can be with someone you have been with for eons, or a person you just met.

When things seem to click between you and another person, that’s chemistry. When things seem to just be seamless, that’s chemistry. When there’s a special, undeniable connection, that’s chemistry. Chemistry isn’t just about relationships, it has lots to do with physicality. It trumps looks, body types, and more. Because that spark, that connection, will leave you yearning for that person or even that feeling. It can be great, or dangerous at times. Especially when that undeniable feeling is with someone who you have great sex with, but not a great relationship with. I’ve seen chemistry keep people around for a long time, that probably should have been cut off decades ago.

Sometimes chemistry can take on a life of it’s own and make people do things that had no intention of doing. Sometimes it strengthens a bond, other times, it takes things to a more personal level, and other times it brings the “freak” out of you. When the chemistry is right you’re turned on, open minded, and yearning for the other person. You can be enthralled with the idea of being intimate with this person. Because it feels so good, you feel as if the connection you have physically is beyond that of thought. Since little to no thought is needed when you’re with this person, its a joyful experience each time.

I think that many of us in 2020 are skipping chemistry. I think that many of us seek out sex, or a goal of intimacy, without seeing if there’s a true spark, a deeper connection. I’m not talking about love, or feelings for a person, I’m speaking about a vibe. A vibe that has nothing to do with their lips, their outfit or your attraction to that person. I also think that if we truly valued what chemistry brings to sexual experiences, we would cherish and appreciate chemistry when we do find it. My advice is that you seek out chemistry with your partners. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have sex if there isn’t chemistry. That’s up to you. However, if you seek out those vibes and get them, you will have a greater, more memorable experience.

Quick Links:

Off The Rebound: A Sex Memoir

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Sex Talk Pt. 13 – Kinks

Kinks are things that are usually not acceptable in traditional sex. Plain “vanilla” sex deems these things unorthodox or even taboo. To some, that only makes it more enticing. To others that means those things are off limits and even weird. But being kinky or embracing the kinks you’re into can greatly enhance sex.

We are all into different things. Society often tells us that those things are weird, gross, or should only be fantasies. But a kink is not a fantasy. A kink is something you want to do or are doing. Where a fantasy is usually something we glamorize and imagine and maybe hope to do it one day. Some argue that a true fantasy never comes true. However, a kink, a non-traditional sexual activity can and I’d say should be happening.

Personally, I believe that all kinks are okay. As long you aren’t harming animals, and your kinks do NOT involve children, I encourage it. Because the reality is that we all like different things, done different ways. Who am to judge if you only have sex upside-down? Or if you like to turn your partner into a PB&J sandwich. If you have a room in your house that’s dedicated to BDSM and full of whips I’m rooting for you.

However, knowing what you like can be challenging and being vulnerable enough to show these things to your partner is a whole other ball game. First, don’t shame yourself or allow others to do so. You like what you like and there’s nothing wrong with that. Im sure there’s a community of people who love that too. Embrace your kinks. Telling and showing your partner the things you’re into is challenging. It takes courage and trust. It also takes a willing partner.

If your partner aims to please you then this won’t be an issue. If you’re building trust with your partner this should be a lot easier. But just as it takes work on your end to be brave and share these things it also takes work on your partner’s end. They have to be open minded and willing to try stuff. Unfortunately, if they are not, then they probably aren’t the patner for you. You’ll find out when you share and explore with them.

In closing, we should work to embrace our kinks and the kinks of our partners. When your partner comes to you and says that they like _____ be sure to thank them for their bravery in sharing, and to speak with them about it. Allow them the space to explain what they like and why, and if its not something that goes against the boundaries you two have set, give it a try. After all, you ll want the same thing when you divulge your kinks to them. Build trust and remember to share your kinks. You never know how much they may be into it too.

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Sex talk 12 – Expressing Desires & Cravings

We all have cravings and desires. I’m not only talking about cake and ice cream either. Your partner may have amazing tongue skills and more. They may know your body well too. But if you’re not expressing your cravings, the things you desire, then it will be challenging to get them fulfilled.

Knowing what you want is hard enough. Then comes the inner debate about expressing or not expressing those things to your partner. You may think that what you’re craving is too much for your partner. Or perhaps its something small, but too wild for your partner’s taste. If you’re leaving it to chance, or hoping your parner is Professor X, there’s a low probability of you getting what you want.

So how do you get what you want? How do you get your cravings fulfilled? By expressing them. Which can be scary and difficult. However, often, if you don’t ask, you won’t know. It also means that if you don’t express, you won’t receive. Embracing your desires, expressing your cravings, and empowering yourself can all be synonyms.

Speaking up is powerful. Asking for what you want isn’t wrong. I think we should embrace it. I think our partners should too. I think more of us should speak to our partners about what we want and crave. I think if we did, it would make things easier, and may even let your partner learn more about you and the kinks you’re into. Pushing away your desires, pocketing your cravings, only stops you from gaining maximum satisfaction. Express it, embrace it, do it.

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Sex Memoir