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How To Bring Sex Toys Into Your Sex Life

Sex toys can be lots of fun. They can elevate bedroom sessions to a whole new level. Knowing you want to use them is one thing. Knowing how to bring them into your sex life is a another thing all together. The process of introducing sex toys into your bedroom antics can be tricky. So I’m hoping to offer some assistance.

Step 1: Have the conversation

Speak with your partner. Let them know that you’d like to try bringing a toy into the bedroom. This is a delicate topic and you want to approach it with care. But it all begins with speaking to your partner. Seeing where their mind is, what they are open to. Once they are down to have the conversation, you can start the process.

Step 2: Tell them the goal

Let them know that this isn’t about them lacking in any way. This is about having even more fun. Its about the two of you coming closer together, being more intimate. Because thats what’s its all about. Learning more about each other, trying new things together, doing new things together, and using all of those experiences to grow closer together. Make the suggestion and see how they feel. If they agree, then you can bring a toy into the bedroom and move forward with the process.

Step 3: Setting the scene

You’re going to need to set things up. I don’t mean prepping for a party. I mean choosing a toy and getting your partner mentally ready to use it. Their comfort is the extremely important. They need to feel comfortable and safe. They need to feel like they can do this, and that it will be a fun experience. You’re going to start with a small amount of time. You don’t want to use the toy for an extended period of time. Give them a sample. Use the toy with them for a little bit, and then put it away. If it goes well, they’ll probably request it again in the near future. If it doesn’t go well , that’s okay too. Because there are plenty of other toys out there.

During play time you want to make sure that they are okay. Trying new things can be scary. Walk them through it. Ask if they’re ready, ask how it feels, and start off small. If they toy has different levels, you should probably start low and increase slowly over time. You don’t want to do too much too soon. It could scare them off.

You also need to be mentally ready for this experience. It requires patience on your end. You may have to take baby steps with them. You may not be able dive right into it. They may need more time than you’d like. They may say stop (or the safe word), sooner than you anticipated. You want to be ready for everything. The more comfortable you make them, the more calm you are, the better the outcome.

Its important that you allow things to flow organically, make your partner comfortable, and be patient if you want to being toys into the bedroom. Even if your partner has used toys before, it doesn’t mean that they’re ready to do so with you. Being a good leader means understanding the situation and your squad. Read the room, and do what you can to make it as smooth and fun of an experience as possible. Hopefully following these steps will help you do so. Hopefully these steps will help you bring toys into your sex life.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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5 Things You Should Never Do In The Bedroom

There are tons of things that we should and shouldn’t be doing in the bedroom. Like many important things, we often learn this through mistakes and experience. I thought it may be helpful to give you a short list of definite things you should never do during sexual activities. These things are big no-nos during the forbidden dance. Sadly people do them often. If you’re doing any of these, I implore you to stop.

Playing dead is something animals do when in fear of a predator. Often this is a predator they cannot defeat with their strengths, so they play dead and outwit their foe. Your sex partner is not your enemy. In fact they are more like your dance partner. If you were at a hot party, dancing, moving, touching, sweating, you wouldn’t want them to just stand still. Sexual activity requires movement, participation. Participate. Don’t just lay there like a log. Join in by using all of the available parts of your body to make your partner feel good.

Sex should be mutually beneficial. Sometimes your partner may treat you and make you the focus of the session. That’s great, and fun. Unless that’s the aim for the current session, you shouldn’t be hoarding the pleasure. You shouldn’t be keeping it all for you and storing up as much as possible, to save for a rainy day. As opposed to making it about you, and only you (and your needs), make it about the two of you. Share the moment, share the pleasure. Realize that the more you please them, the more they want to please you. Sharing is caring, and there is no “i” in team (or in sex).

We all know the famous saying about what happens when you assume. Yet so many people assume during sexual activities. You assume they want this. You assume they don’t want that. You assume they want to be in this position. You assume they don’t want to be in that position. Stop that! You have no right to decide what they want or don’t want. Or what they will or won’t do. Stop assuming and speak. Ask questions, make suggestions, give hints, do something. But DO NOT ASSUME! For when you do so, you strip your partner of the choice, and that’s never okay.

People love to hold back during sex. They hold back everything they can. Climaxing, moaning, screaming, and whatever else they can imagine. Yes its true that build up helps an orgasm feel more intense. But if your partner is doing their job, and aiming to please you, allow them to do so. If you feel the urge to moan, do it. Want to scream, let it out. Sex should be flowing, natural, and fun. Putting constraints and restrictions on it doesn’t help either of you.

I had to save the trickiest one for last … Being impatient. Too many of us are like little kids at a store screaming out, “I want it! I want it!” But good things come to those who wait. Rushing through things, making demands, having no patience at all, will completely ruin a sexual activity. If she’s not wet enough, help her get there. If he’s not hard, give him a second to stretch out. Allowing your impatience to frustrate you often does the same to your partner. Now you’re both upset and no one got what they wanted. Better to be proactive than reactive. Take a breath, and give it a second. Know that you’re desires will be satisfied if you give your partner some time.

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How To Prep For A Sex Session

We don’t always know when sex is going to happen. But when you know beforehand, it gives you the opportunity to prepare. There are a few different ways you can prepare. Especially if you have advanced notice (24 hours or more). I’ve decided to break it down into sections. Because each of these plays a part in preparing for the fun. Its always better to be prepared. It can avoid problems and keep the party flowing smoothly.

Diet:

What we eat directly affects our bowls, our stomachs, our scents, and more. For example, if you consume lots of cheese and dairy there’s a high chance that you’ll feel bloated. There are foods that make us gassy, and others that affect our breath or can seep our of your pours. One easy example is alcohol. Another is garlic. These are all things that aren’t very welcoming to a partner and can also divert your mood or sex drive. So, be mindful of what you eat leading upto a sex session.

Mental:

Mental preparation is probably one of the most slept on parts of sex. People often dive in, have no plan and didn’t prepare themselves for what’s about to go down. This is just as important with reoccurring partners as it is with brand new ones. Being ready, not being nervous, or overly anxious are helpful for both parties. You want to go in with a clear mind, a focused mind. A mind ready to embrace the fun, and bring positive vibes into the bedroom.

Hygiene:

Whether this is a long-term sex partner or a brand new one, it’s important to present yourself clean and ready. Both parties should be clean and ready to go. Whether your partner has tasted you hundreds of times, or never before, you want them to enjoy your tastes and smells. It’s true that some people may not want you fresh out the shower every time. We all have different preferences. But very few want you to come to a sex session salty and smelly. Show up ready to be sucked and fucked.

Communication:

Something I mention too often is communication. Speaking with your partner is always important and helpful. There are often so many things assumed and left unsaid before sex or meet ups. These things later cause tension, confusion and other problems. Ask whatever questions you may have, and give them the room to do the same. I’m not talking about planning the entire night. I’m talking about clearing the air and making sure that you’re both on the same page. A quick conversation prior can make a world of a difference.

Tools (condoms, toys, etc):

Every situation calls for different things. You may not need condoms, or Plan B pills, but perhaps you need a slew of other things for your fun. Make sure you have the handcuffs, whipped cream, strawberries, balls gag, zip ties, or whatever else available. If you need contraceptives make sure you have them or know who is responsible for bringing them. If you left the wand at their place, make sure they bring it back this time. This is part of communication, but is often its own piece of the puzzle. Its better to make sure you have these things before hand. You don’t want to show up without something that may have been a big part of the plan for the night.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Why You Should Always Be Stepping Your Sex Game Up

As I said in a previous blog, “Even your favorite position, every day, gets boring”. Staying stagnate is dangerous. Especially with sex partners. More so, when you are with that partner frequently. Long term sex partners are often entangled and intimate. This means they are having sex for a long period of time. No one wants to be doing the same exact thing(s) for years and years.

If you started having sex ten or twenty years ago, then I’d hope that you have learned, and evolved sexually over the years. Many people have knowledge and experience. But, when they find a partner they like, they become complacent. Whether your partner is your significant other, or a long term sex partner of another kind, you’ve probably had a lot of sex over the years. That’s great. But even great sex can become boring when its repetitive.

The same way that we should be striving to be better and evolve in life, we should be doing the same in the bedroom. The problem with being stagnant or complacent with sex is that the flame of your relationship (both in and out of the bedroom) can be affected by it. Simply put, people get bored with sameness. We all have fantasies, unfulfilled desires, and things we’d like to do one day. We also have short attention spans in 2021.

You can’t expect anyone to be okay with a copy and paste method month in and month out, year in and year out. We have got to level up. And that journey is different for everyone. You have to be honest about where you’re at, and what your partner’s expectations are. I advise discussing it with your partner and also doing a self audit. Ask yourself where you’re lacking and then see how you can improve that. Also, speak to your partner and see how you can better accommodate them and their needs. Idealistically they will be doing the same. Then the two of you can learn and grow together.

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How To Give A Clitoral Orgasm

People with a clitoris can have different types of orgasms. Many of us know of the vaginal orgasm. This is often seen in movies, shows and adult films. In those scenes a woman reaches ecstasy while being penetrated. An orgasm is great, and the vaginal orgasm has been the spotlight in public and in Hollywood. People worship them and yearn for them. However many studies have shown that women struggle to reach their climax during vaginal sex for a number of reasons.

While many women may struggle to reach a vaginal orgasm, the cliroral orgasm shows other results. Women who have clitoral orgasms during sex have also said (in studies), that it made it easier for them to reach a vaginal orgasm. But what is a clitoral orgasm? A clitoral orgasm is when the clitoris is stimulated to the point where it brings a woman to orgasm. The climax comes from the clitoris being stimulated.

A clitoris is full of nerve endings. In fact is has twice as many as the tip of the penis. That means it’s twice as sentive. What you need to do is communicate with your partner and see what there preferred type of clitoral stimulation is. Studies have shown that some women like an up and down motion, while others like a circular motion. A few in the study says they prefer not to have direct stimulation. Meaning, they don’t want direct action on the clitoris. You can stimulate the clitoris by lickkng, sucking, rubbing, and even kissing it.

In conclusion, you want to help a woman achieve orgasm(s). The cliroral orgasm is achievable if you stimulate the clitoris. Speak with your partner and see what type of stimulation they like, and give them plenty of it. Because studies have also shown that 7/10 women have an easier time achieving a vaginal orgasm after having a cliroral orgasm. This can be the assist that you need, or just another way of making your partner cum, and feel great. Either way, the cliroral orgasm is a great thing and now you know how to help her have one.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Why Marathon Sex Is Important

Sex is something we all need and crave. But how much sex? One and done? Three rounds? These answers may vary based on timing, partners, mood and more. One thing is for sure, there’s nothing like an all day/night sex session.

We all need a good bang out session every now and then. I’m talking about the type of sex that happens for hours and hours and when its over you’re both drained, and the memory is etched in your brains. Both of you have released many times, and you’ll probably never forget it. Laying there, your soul floating above you, your energy in the negative, a few body parts sore, and a grin on your face.

Having sex all night is mentioned often in songs, movies, and shows. But its not something we do regularly. And if you’re in a lengthy relationship its probably been a while since you’ve done it. Which is sad, because it’s great and serves a great purpose in my opinion. Besides it leaving a long lasting impression on both parties, it does something else that’s pretty fantastic.

Long, extended sex sessions aka marathons are great for resetting out mind, body, and desires. Just think, in one long session you can release as many times as you can take, pass out for a bit, and release some more. On top of that, you can do a bunch of things you’ve been craving or wanting to try. The best part is, this can be done for a special occasion, a three day weekend, or that vacation time you had to take before you lost it. Its a good idea anytime. Most of all, if done correctly neither of you will forget it for a long time.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 24 – Why Anal Sex Shouldn’t Be A Nightmare

Many times a woman’s first time exploring anal sex is often not an exploration at all. Its damn near an attack. To hear these ladies tell it, it’s almost always the same, horrible, traumatizing experience. And for the record, I believe them. It’s sad that I can guess why most women don’t like anal sex. Its even more sad, that the men who scarred them, often don’t know the damage they’ve caused.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that all men are innocent and ignorant to this. Definitely not. But, if they knew, what I knew, they’d probably take a different path when trying to give their partner their first anal experience. To be clear, what I know is nerves, and pleasure. Most of the nerves, and pleasure zones in the lower region of our bodies are connected. What does that mean? It means that your anus, has pleasure zones, and is connected to a network of nerves that your other “private parts” are part of.

Once you know that the anus is part of the same group of nerves as the other “pleasure parts”, then you know that the anus can, and does feel pleasure. Meaning, anal sex can feel good. This is true for all humans. Its part of our anatomy. That’s also why studies have shown for years that men (yes, even straight men), enjoy oral action or penatration of the asshole.

But regardless of your sexual preference, whenever you’re trying anal sex, it shouldn’t just be rammed and plowed. In fact, those are the very actions that many do take, and those are the same actions that have left many women hurt physically, and scarred mentally. Men who aren’t putting enough lube, aren’t preparing ladies for anal sex, and are just doing the bare minimum are messing it up for all of us.

My suggestion, is that you do some research of your own, learn anatomy, and speak with your partner. Ask your patner about past experiences, what felt good and bad, and maybe even do some research together. Then maybe the two of you can figure out how to move forward together. Because without trust, proper communication and preparation, you’ll only create problems. Problems aren’t the word we want, we want pleasure. Pleasurable, memorable, experiences for everyone.

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The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 23 – How And When To Have Selfless Sex

Selfless sex? Like forget about myself? Completely forget about myself? Yes. Sometimes you have to do this. But when? And why?

I’m a big believer in sex being mutually beneficial. I believe pleasure should be mutual. Too often people only care about themselves and their own needs during sex. However, there are also times when you need to completely forget about yourself and your needs. That’s right, nothing for you and everything for them.

I’m not saying that every time should be completely about them, and your needs should be neglected. Definitely not. But, there’s nothing wrong with putting your needs in your back pocket and completely making it about them for a day. Hit all of their spots, do all of their favorite things, and let them know you want them, and appreciate them. Even if you’re not a fan of talking during sex, let them know before or after. Vocalize that this session is all about them, and showing your appreciation for them.

When: Once in a while. Maybe once a month, or once every three months. It depends on how often y’all get down, and how things are flowing with the two of you. A great time to do this is if you see they are feeling down, or need a little bit of a “pick me up”.

How: Forget about you. Forget about the things you yearn for. Focus on them, and them alone. Do all the things that they like, all of the things that they crave, put them in their favorite positions, and most importantly, tell them that this session is all about them. Tell them you appreciate them, and desire to please them.

To conclude, we all like feeling special. There’s nothing like being the complete focus of a sex session. One episode about a different character won’t ruin the show. In fact, it often helps. Who doesn’t like being told nice things, while all of their favorite things are being done to them, while all of their needs and wants are being met? Whispering nice things to them as you do all of the things that they like, will definitely get you extra points. It’s a gift, that keeps on giving. A gift that won’t be forgotten, and perhaps they’ll return the favor in the near future. But even if they don’t, you will given them a memorable moment, and that’s a win for you too.

Quick Links:

The Coding of a Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 22 – How to Make a Bedroom Playlist

Bedroom Playlist like any other playlists are focused on vibes. You want to keep a few things in mind when creating one. The mood you want to focus on, the tempo you’re trying to set, and your partner. Remember that this playlist will be something you listen to together. So you want to make it enjoyable for the both of you. Keep that in mind when choosing the genre, tone, and tracks.

Step 1:

Open your preferred DSP (Digital Streaming Platform) like Tidal, Spotify, Apple Music, etc.

Step 2:

Decide what genre(s) you think are best for you and your partner.

Step 3:

If you know some artists for that genre then search their names and choose a track or two that fit the tone/tempo you want the playlist to have.

If you don’t know anyone in the genre you can search the genre itself and songs, artists and other playlists will pop up. Choose from the search results.

Step 4:

Once you have a song you want to choose press options and add to playlist. Then you’re going to press “Create New Playlist”. Add a name and the track will upload to the playlist.

Step 5:

Continue to add songs to the playlist that match your criteria. Once you have at least 15 songs you’re ready to go.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor

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Sex Talk Pt. 21 – Why You Need A Bedroom Playlist

Music soothes the soul. Music has the power to change moods. Music has the power to spark emotions. Who doesn’t love a good song? Or a few …

As good as it is to hear each other, there’s nothing like hearing great music to help set the mood, or the tone. They say all super heros need theme music. I think memorable sex does too. Whether you’re using the music to drown out background noise from the apartment or neighborhood you’re in, or using it to stay in rhythm, a good playlist is helpful either way. And they don’t need to be 30 hours long either.

A good playlist can start the night off for you. You can have it playing when they walk in the room and it will grab their attention. It may even get the no-pants party started for you. Your partner could hear a song that sends them into heat, and begin stripping right then and there. Or, perhaps it snaps them back to a time when the two of you had a great intimate moment. Perhaps they’d like to recreate that moment.

A good playlist can also serve as a distraction. It could be a way of muting the loud neighbor, or roommate. It can also let those people know not to distrub the two of you. It can also be very helpful when trying new things in the bedroom. Sometimes you need a distraction so you’re not focusing on the pain or the super sensitive area they are kissing on. It can even help calm your nervousness during anxious moments. A little Luther goes a long way.

A playlist can be as short as 15 songs. The average song is 3.5 mins. That puts your playlist just under an hour. You can put that playlist on repeat mode and have a great night. When curating it – putting it together – you want to keep your partner in mind. Make sure the playlist is going to entice them. Create a vibe.