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Sex Talk Pt. 20 – Learn How To Turn Your Partner On Before Sex

Sex can be great. It can be fun, hot and heavy, and it can overwhelm your senses in a good way. But have you ever been in the opposite position? When someone just tries to get sex to happen without doing anything to turn you on? Like they just expected you to be “hot n ready” like a Lil Ceasars pizza? Have you ever been the person expecting your partner to be ready to go, just cause?

Its true that in some situations you’d assume your partner knew what time it was. But even in booty call or pre-planned moments you shouldn’t assume. Its best to never assume. Because when you assume you skip stuff, answer for the other person, and force the two of you into awkward moments. Which could all be avoided if you took the time to turn them on.

Now, if you’ve been with more than one partner in your life, you know that everyone has different needs, wants and desires. So its imperative that you learn your partner. You need to learn their likes and dislikes, but you also need to learn how to turn them on. Its not just a flick of a switch for everyone. And even wanting to have sex, doesn’t mean they’re turned on. Remember, arousal is physical and mental.

In order to best serve your partner, in order to have great sex, you need to know how to turn them on. You need to know what buttons to push, at what times. What sends them into high gear with the least amount of efforts? What’s their favorite thing that turns them on little by little? Do you know those things? You should. It would benefit the both of you.

In closing, you want to speak to them, study them, and learn how to get them from not in the mood, to “take me now”. The answer isn’t always oral sex or intercourse. Once you’ve found those things out you can take things to new levels. It could be something visual, audible, or physical. It could be a mix of all of them. Maybe they want their ass rubbed, while you choke them, and call them gorgeous. Who knows? Its your job to find out, and its not their job to just be a green light for you to go whenever you want.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor: Part 1

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Sex Talk Pt. 9 – Positions

When it comes to positions there are some fan favorites and some very popular ones. Missionary is the default and many are fans of “doggy style”. But there are many other positions that are available to us. Some positions are better for clitoral exposure and others are better for hitting G-Spot. But which are better? And why are they better?

Well, as always you should be asking questions and speaking with your partner. Everyone likes different positions for different reasons. If you’re good with multitasking, then posotions that give more exlosure to the clitoris may be better for you. Perhaps you want to stimulate the clitoris during penatration. Or, if you are more focused on the G-Spot then you want to look into some other ones.

You can find different positions to try and to master in karma sutra books, online with a quick Google search, and even in porn. My advice is that you try a bunch of positions and see which ones you like. Make note of the ones you’re fond of even if your partner isn’t. This isn’t to be greedy, but partner’s change over time, and you should also know what you like. Just remember to also make note of which ones your partner did and did not enjoy as well. Then discuss those positions and see which ones you two would like to continue doing and which you should cease doing.

I remember years ago I was in a book store with my best friend. On one of the display cases was a book about karma sutra. I was a young adult (I think 20) and never heard of that. So I bought the book and began to learn and try different things. There’s still a few positions I’ve yet to try from the book. But I’ve tried many of them and with different partners. Sometimes I’ll pass my partner the book and ask them to choose one they’re interested in. Then we talk about it and try it in the near future.

Here’s a few of the positions from that book that you may want to try:

Quick Links:

Off The Rebound

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Sex Talk Pt. 6 – Grooming

Grooming has many definitions. However, if you want to know how it applies to sex that narrows things down a bit. Having a tidy appearance is the definition of grooming we want to focus on. The question you’re probably asking yourself is, “What does that have to do with sex?” Well, it has lots to do with sex and I’m going to dive into it and explain.

Regardless of you preferences, we all agree that some type of upkeep has to be done on various parts of the body. Nails, hair, and more all play a part in our appearance. Each of those things are also part of the show when sex happens. If your nails aren’t filed, or if they are too long, they can cause issues. If you have hair so long and untidy that it’s giving people hairballs that’s an issue. These things each have the ability to cause conflict and disrupt the flow of things during sexual activities.

There is nothing wrong with having hair or long nails. To be clear, what I’m saying is that these and other areas require upkeep. They require for us to keep them in some type of order. Jagged nails are just one example. You can be caressing a partner and turning them on, and then be doing the total opposite because of your nails. The same is true of hair in all of the many places it grows. Hair can create different sensations and change appearances, tastes, and more.

. A helpful rule is to give yourself a once over – in the mirror is most helpful – and see what’s out of place. Some things may just need a quick adjustment, others may need a lawn mower – small joke. But remember that you and your partner have preferences and needs. You want to keep the both of you in mind. If you expect them to be bald in some places and have filed nails, what are they expecting of you?

As always you want to speak with your partner and see what works best for all parties involved. For example, I don’t have an issue with a woman having long nails if they are filed and kept. I also encourage women to have pubic hair if it is what they like. I just would like to be able to please them without needing a machete to do so. I think everyone likes a clean workspace and to be pleased. Speak with your partner, ask questions, be respectful and keep things looking good. Remember, the more aesthetically pleasing things are, the better.

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Sex Talk Pt. 5 – Hygiene

Personal hygiene is how you care for your body. This practice includes bathing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth, and more.

Healthline.com

Personal hygiene is our topic this week. It may seem like a no brainer, but it’s not something we should assume that our partner just has mastered. Also, in part two of my dating tips, I spoke about asking questions. You and your partner may view hygiene differently. For example, rag vs no rag (or loofah) when washing. Whichever your choice is may vary from your partner’s. The difference in opinion and cleaning styles can make a big difference.

Hygiene is a weird topic to talk about. People are finicky and this is a sensitive topic to talk about. Especially in 2020 when people “ghost” others for the slightest thing(s). However, the way we take care of our bodies varies from person to person and can affect the bedroom if you’re not careful. I encourage you to talk about this topic. Just tread softly.

There are definitely days when you want to please your partner and see what they taste like after a full day of being up and about. But what if it’s not one of the days you feel that way? What if you’re trying a new natural deodorant and its not working as well as you’d like? Or, what if you just came out of the gym and are all sweaty? Sweaty can be sexy, but not if it taste like, “oh no”. 🤢

Years ago I was seeing a woman who was so concerned with personal hygiene that she washed twice every shower. She used two diferent soaps, and then put a scented lotion all over her body. She smelled just as irresistible as she looked. Especially after she was done moisturizing. However, after a few months I asked her why she never skipped the “kitty” when she did this. She said she wanted to make sure there was never a reason for a man to turn away from oral sex. I totally understood. I asked her could she skip that area next time. I told her that I appreciated her methods and reasoning, but I also wanted to fully taste her. She obliged, and I made sure we both enjoyed ourselves.

On another occasion I had just got home from work, and got a booty call. I said yes, without knowing how soon they’d arrive. When they said they’d be at my place in just a handful of minutes I panicked a bit. I’d showered just before going to work, and work wasn’t very busy. But I prefer to be fresh for my partners. There wasn’t enough time for a bird bath or a quick wash up. So I used a pack of wipes that a friend gave me. They were scented and “for men”, but I’d never used them before. I gave my areas a quick wipe down and finished as they called saying they’d arrived. Things got heavy quick and she started giving me oral sex. Almost immediately she stopped and asked me what I’d done or used to make “him” taste so bad. I was embarrassed to say the least.

To conclude I’ll say this. We all have different styles and scents we use. We all have different natural smells and odors. Your partner has to smell and taste whatever is going on with your body, “private parts”, mouth, etc. Be curtious and think of your partner. Have a conversation with them and see what they like and don’t like. Then you should be able to discuss their routine, scents, etc as well. Keep things mutual, keep things light, and tread softly. Increasing the communication, and the cleanliness are always a good thing. You may not have to change anything, but if you did, it would be for both party’s benefits. Remember, when people enjoy things more, they do them more often.

Quick Links:

Sex Memoir