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Sex Talk Pt. 5 – Hygiene

Personal hygiene is how you care for your body. This practice includes bathing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth, and more.

Healthline.com

Personal hygiene is our topic this week. It may seem like a no brainer, but it’s not something we should assume that our partner just has mastered. Also, in part two of my dating tips, I spoke about asking questions. You and your partner may view hygiene differently. For example, rag vs no rag (or loofah) when washing. Whichever your choice is may vary from your partner’s. The difference in opinion and cleaning styles can make a big difference.

Hygiene is a weird topic to talk about. People are finicky and this is a sensitive topic to talk about. Especially in 2020 when people “ghost” others for the slightest thing(s). However, the way we take care of our bodies varies from person to person and can affect the bedroom if you’re not careful. I encourage you to talk about this topic. Just tread softly.

There are definitely days when you want to please your partner and see what they taste like after a full day of being up and about. But what if it’s not one of the days you feel that way? What if you’re trying a new natural deodorant and its not working as well as you’d like? Or, what if you just came out of the gym and are all sweaty? Sweaty can be sexy, but not if it taste like, “oh no”. 🤢

Years ago I was seeing a woman who was so concerned with personal hygiene that she washed twice every shower. She used two diferent soaps, and then put a scented lotion all over her body. She smelled just as irresistible as she looked. Especially after she was done moisturizing. However, after a few months I asked her why she never skipped the “kitty” when she did this. She said she wanted to make sure there was never a reason for a man to turn away from oral sex. I totally understood. I asked her could she skip that area next time. I told her that I appreciated her methods and reasoning, but I also wanted to fully taste her. She obliged, and I made sure we both enjoyed ourselves.

On another occasion I had just got home from work, and got a booty call. I said yes, without knowing how soon they’d arrive. When they said they’d be at my place in just a handful of minutes I panicked a bit. I’d showered just before going to work, and work wasn’t very busy. But I prefer to be fresh for my partners. There wasn’t enough time for a bird bath or a quick wash up. So I used a pack of wipes that a friend gave me. They were scented and “for men”, but I’d never used them before. I gave my areas a quick wipe down and finished as they called saying they’d arrived. Things got heavy quick and she started giving me oral sex. Almost immediately she stopped and asked me what I’d done or used to make “him” taste so bad. I was embarrassed to say the least.

To conclude I’ll say this. We all have different styles and scents we use. We all have different natural smells and odors. Your partner has to smell and taste whatever is going on with your body, “private parts”, mouth, etc. Be curtious and think of your partner. Have a conversation with them and see what they like and don’t like. Then you should be able to discuss their routine, scents, etc as well. Keep things mutual, keep things light, and tread softly. Increasing the communication, and the cleanliness are always a good thing. You may not have to change anything, but if you did, it would be for both party’s benefits. Remember, when people enjoy things more, they do them more often.

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Dating Someone New Pt. 3

Recently I discussed the importance of asking questions. Gaining information, learning, creating solutions and gaining insight all come from asking questions. That segways into our next topic. Which is really just the larger picture. Although this term is often looked at as basic, it is vital in any relationship. And it couldn’t be more important when dating someone new.

in the era of ghosting, dating apps, and short attention spans communication is probably more important than ever. Especially with lockdowns, restrictions, and social distancing complicating the dating scene even more. The layers of complication seem to be mounting against the single crowd. Without communication and a few other tools I don’t see how you’d get through it all. So, let’s speak a bit about communication.

It seems that in 2020 basic communication is almost a foreign notion. There are all types of assumptions and expectations that seem to come out of thin air. Covid19 hasn’t helped that one bit. In fact it’s over complicated some things and simplified others. The first date may just be a video chat now. But even if that is so, you’d have to communicate to set that up.

You’d need to know when the other person’s free, what’s the best time or date for them, and a slew of other things. Doing things spontaneously or off the whim is fine and can be exciting. However, without clear communication things may fall apart rather quickly. One of the keys to any relationship is clearly communicating. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, spouse or best friend. You need to speak and be clear about things.

For example, I am against smoking cigarettes. Better said, I prefer not to deal with anyone on an intimate level if they smoke cigarettes. However, I am obligated to express that to anyone I talk to. If we are exploring things, trying to establish a bond, or even if we have chemistry, a simple cig can tarnish the evening. I’ve made exceptions before and they were respectful. However, even then, I needed to express my limitations.

It is true that asking questions is vital and brings important information out. However, we cannot assume that the other person will ask us a laundry list of questions. We must take responsibility and communicate. At minimum people need to know your intentions, your limitations, your expectations, and so on. Even if we are talking about a, “hook up”.

If you and someone else have established that you’re attracted to one another, everyone got tested (for STIs and Coronavirus), and is ready for fun, great. What next? Consent obviously, but what else? They may just be coming over every Wednesday night at 9pm for a smash and dash, and then jumping in an uber. Sounds great. But not if you’re not communicating properly.

They would need to know when arrive, when to go, can they stay over, do you have roommates, and much more. Again, we cannot assume that they will ask questions or know everything. Letting them know what’s going on prior will make for a smoother time. “I have a roommate, a cat, and after 9pm I’m free all night. If you want to stay over you can, but I have to leave home at 8am to do _____”. That is informative, helpful, and clear.

If you want less mess, communicate more. I’m not saying tell them your deep dark secrets. I wouldn’t go that route. But decide what you need to express, and so in a calm and clear way. I am pretty sure that both parties will benefit from it.

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Dating Someone New Pt 2.

“Question, tell me what you think about me” – Beyonce

Questions are important. When dating someone new they are vital. There are so many things you want to ask, should ask, and need to ask. Today we talk about questions and there importance when dating someone new. Hopefully this will help you ask the right questions, more questions, and more importantly, help you get to know that new person a little better.

In 2020 a lot of our world has been has been changed. However, one of the things that hasn’t changed is the importance of asking questions when getting to know someone. Whether you’re on date number 1, just came out of a movie, or are trying to figure out when to set up your next date, questions are important. Here’s an example of why. If you want to do something nice for the other person, like take them to their favorite place to eat, you’re going to need to know a few things. First you need to know where that place is, and then are they open right now, and if they aren’t where can you and your date go to actually consume that food.

Questions bring answers, solutions and information. All of which are helpful when you’re getting to know a new person. So, make sure you ask questions. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I’d go as far as to say that when you’re dating someone new, there are no dumb questions to ask. Perhaps that is your fear. Perhaps you think that you’ll ask a question and they’ll think you’re a blundering idiot. Next they will dismiss you and then ghost you. Perhaps. But if you don’t try, you’ll never know.

I find that asking questions opens up the floor for all types of interesting conversations. One conversation can lead to another. You can share your thoughts on the same subject. Next thing you know a bunch of time has passed, you’re both having a blast, and a good conversation. Furthermore, if you’re intrigued by something they respond with, it may lead to another question. Maybe it’ll lead to a deep dive and if you’re a sapiosexual you may be turned on by what they teach you.

When dating someone new I ask all types of questions. I ask questions just out of curiosity, I ask questions to see what views and perspectives we share, i ask questions to see what they like and what their reasoning for it is. I ask about core beliefs, politics, sex (once we are both comfortable discussing those topics), and all types of different preferences. Simply because if you don’t ask, you probably won’t know. Especially in the beginning of dating someone. I also believe that the more you know now, the better things will be later. The knowledge you gain leaves you with less to assume.

If you’re dating someone new or just want to pick your boo’s brain, here are a few questions you can ask – in no specific order or level of importance:

1, What’s your favorite type of food to eat? Example: Soul food, Cajun food, Italian Food.

2. What type of things do you like to do on your free time? Do you have a favorite thing to do on your spare time?

3. What’s the last book you read? Was it a physical book, or something you read on a device?

4. Do you have siblings? If so, how many? Are y’all close?

5. Do you believe in the 2 party system and democracy? To keep this simpler you can ask which party they side with. Or even simpler, “Are you a Democrat or Republican?”

6. What’s your favorite Disney Movie?

7. What made you take the current job you have? Is this the career you truly want to be in? You’d be surprised how many people are not in the career they want to be in, and why that is.

8. Are you looking to be in a relationship in the near future or just dating and having fun?

9. Are you looking to be married at some point?

10. Where’s one place in the world where you would love to visit?

11. Where is one place you’d never want to visit?

12. What’s your favorite ice cream?