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Dating Someone New Pt. 3

Recently I discussed the importance of asking questions. Gaining information, learning, creating solutions and gaining insight all come from asking questions. That segways into our next topic. Which is really just the larger picture. Although this term is often looked at as basic, it is vital in any relationship. And it couldn’t be more important when dating someone new.

in the era of ghosting, dating apps, and short attention spans communication is probably more important than ever. Especially with lockdowns, restrictions, and social distancing complicating the dating scene even more. The layers of complication seem to be mounting against the single crowd. Without communication and a few other tools I don’t see how you’d get through it all. So, let’s speak a bit about communication.

It seems that in 2020 basic communication is almost a foreign notion. There are all types of assumptions and expectations that seem to come out of thin air. Covid19 hasn’t helped that one bit. In fact it’s over complicated some things and simplified others. The first date may just be a video chat now. But even if that is so, you’d have to communicate to set that up.

You’d need to know when the other person’s free, what’s the best time or date for them, and a slew of other things. Doing things spontaneously or off the whim is fine and can be exciting. However, without clear communication things may fall apart rather quickly. One of the keys to any relationship is clearly communicating. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, spouse or best friend. You need to speak and be clear about things.

For example, I am against smoking cigarettes. Better said, I prefer not to deal with anyone on an intimate level if they smoke cigarettes. However, I am obligated to express that to anyone I talk to. If we are exploring things, trying to establish a bond, or even if we have chemistry, a simple cig can tarnish the evening. I’ve made exceptions before and they were respectful. However, even then, I needed to express my limitations.

It is true that asking questions is vital and brings important information out. However, we cannot assume that the other person will ask us a laundry list of questions. We must take responsibility and communicate. At minimum people need to know your intentions, your limitations, your expectations, and so on. Even if we are talking about a, “hook up”.

If you and someone else have established that you’re attracted to one another, everyone got tested (for STIs and Coronavirus), and is ready for fun, great. What next? Consent obviously, but what else? They may just be coming over every Wednesday night at 9pm for a smash and dash, and then jumping in an uber. Sounds great. But not if you’re not communicating properly.

They would need to know when arrive, when to go, can they stay over, do you have roommates, and much more. Again, we cannot assume that they will ask questions or know everything. Letting them know what’s going on prior will make for a smoother time. “I have a roommate, a cat, and after 9pm I’m free all night. If you want to stay over you can, but I have to leave home at 8am to do _____”. That is informative, helpful, and clear.

If you want less mess, communicate more. I’m not saying tell them your deep dark secrets. I wouldn’t go that route. But decide what you need to express, and so in a calm and clear way. I am pretty sure that both parties will benefit from it.

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Dating Someone New Pt. 1

There were all types of dates you could go on before Coronavirus hit the U.S. and we have all been on our fair share of them. Dinner dates, brunch dates, dates to museums, concerts, and all types of interesting venues. I’m sure that of all the dates you’ve been on, you had a few favorites. Well, as I sit and reminisce about past dates, I wanted to share mine with you.

Prior to Coronavirus hitting the U.S. I was a huge fan of going to the movies. I enjoyed going to the movies and I did so regularly. I had a subscription where I could go to the movies three times a week and see it in any format. That means I could see a 3D movie, a 4D movie, a movie with enhanced sound, a movie in IMAX format, and I could do so three times a week without having to pay any extra charge. Let me tell y’all, I lived in the movies! I’d be there religiously. Alone, with friends, and even with my daughter.

Whenever I had the opportunity to do so with a lady I was getting to know, I would. Some of you may think that this is an insignificant, lazy date, and I can definitely see that perspective. However, I’d like to offer another perspective. I like to use the movies as a date for multiple reasons. And, I’ve got no problem letting you in on exactly why that’s the case. All I ask is that you hear me out …

One of the reasons I enjoy going to the movies, especially with someone you’re getting to know is … it helps you get to know them. You get to learn. Yes, learn. You get to see a bunch of stuff about this person that you would not have known. You also get to see how they react and act with both personal and general things. You probably read that and thought, “How Sway?” Lol. Well, first you learn what types of movies they like to watch.

Next, you get to learn what kind of snacks they like. If you love snacks like I do, this is fun because you get to see what stuff you both like and can share or not share. You also get to see how they react to things that happen in the film. Some of their reactions will come from a personal or intimate place. Others will come from their views on general topics. Both teach you things.

The second reason I like going to the movies is strictly selfish. I like snacking! I also feel that when you can share those snacks, make it a shared experience, its more fun. More snacks and more fun are always a good thing. I like it. I know, its a bit selfish, but I dig it lol.

The next reason is the movies sort of act as a bridge to the next date. Because once we walk out the movie we enter an inquisitive second half of the date. Curiosity has formed and interesting conversations should be flowing now. What did you think of the film? Word, you liked that part? Yo, remember when she fell? That was funny right? Noteworthy things are often mentioned in those conversations. “I thought it was messed up that the government didn’t work harder to stop the spread of the virus”. “It was really funny when she fell in front of the guy she liked, but I also felt really bad for her”. These may seem like simply reactionary comments but they are glimpses of the person’s thoughts and perhaps even their belief system.

This will vary on a person by person basis, what film you saw, and how well the conversations flow. But I find this to be a great took to see how me and this lady gel. It gives us both great insight and can make the time after the movies be both informative and enjoyable. I love picking lady’s brains and seeing what they think of things. The movies gives me a bunch of topics. It may do the same for her. This allows us both to quench our curiosity, share things about ourselves, get to know the person, and more.

To recap, one movie can give you a ton of info and help you get to know this other person. Whether the movie is good or bad, happy or sad, it still works. You can have snacks, good conversation and get to know the other person better. This even works with people you aren’t trying to get to know intimately. Snacks, entertainment, good conversation, and sharing all in one night. I don’t know about you, but this was a blast for me before Coronavirus. I aim to go to the movies again when all of this is over. Maybe I’ll see you there 😁

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The Path

There seems to be a lot of confusion during this pandemic/lockdown. I think that in these trying times many of us are learning things about ourselves. We are learning a lot about ourselves internally and externally. I think it is both great and and difficult. I also know that these challenges vary on a person by person basis. Even though some of us may be able to see the path we want to walk, we may not know exactly how to walk it. And I found just the right quote for that.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_0Pei0AXgO/
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My desire, you’re quote

I’ve been craving kisses. Kissing is intimate and sensual and nearly impossible during this lockdown. I was in the house, playing R&B music, trying to suppress my desires and who comes on? Bruno motherfucking Mars. His smooth Jodeci type beat plays as he sings for the young lady he’s with. Telling her that soon her lovely Versace dress will no longer be needed and it will be on the floor below them. As he sings some of the very words i’m thinking internally I felt compelled to use his lyrics as our quote for this week. Thanks Bruno. Hurry up and end Covid lol.