Sex can be great. It can be fun, hot and heavy, and it can overwhelm your senses in a good way. But have you ever been in the opposite position? When someone just tries to get sex to happen without doing anything to turn you on? Like they just expected you to be “hot n ready” like a Lil Ceasars pizza? Have you ever been the person expecting your partner to be ready to go, just cause?
Its true that in some situations you’d assume your partner knew what time it was. But even in booty call or pre-planned moments you shouldn’t assume. Its best to never assume. Because when you assume you skip stuff, answer for the other person, and force the two of you into awkward moments. Which could all be avoided if you took the time to turn them on.
Now, if you’ve been with more than one partner in your life, you know that everyone has different needs, wants and desires. So its imperative that you learn your partner. You need to learn their likes and dislikes, but you also need to learn how to turn them on. Its not just a flick of a switch for everyone. And even wanting to have sex, doesn’t mean they’re turned on. Remember, arousal is physical and mental.
In order to best serve your partner, in order to have great sex, you need to know how to turn them on. You need to know what buttons to push, at what times. What sends them into high gear with the least amount of efforts? What’s their favorite thing that turns them on little by little? Do you know those things? You should. It would benefit the both of you.
In closing, you want to speak to them, study them, and learn how to get them from not in the mood, to “take me now”. The answer isn’t always oral sex or intercourse. Once you’ve found those things out you can take things to new levels. It could be something visual, audible, or physical. It could be a mix of all of them. Maybe they want their ass rubbed, while you choke them, and call them gorgeous. Who knows? Its your job to find out, and its not their job to just be a green light for you to go whenever you want.
There are plenty of horror stories of people not being able to climax because their partner didn’t know they had to do something specific, or their partner switched what they were doing and it altered the course of their climax. There are also stories of people feeling like they needed to put forth tons of effort to get their partner to the finish line. What if both of these could be avoided? What if a simple tool could help everyone win in all situations? What would we call this tool? Communication is the tool. Let’s talk about the act, of communicating.
Communicating is vital in all relationships. Both sexual and non sexual relationships can thrive or fall apart completely if there isn’t affective communication. Talking with your partner isn’t only important, it can be the key to climaxing, connecting more, and building better chemistry. For example, I’ve been in situations where I was on the reviving end of some A-Class oral sex. It was amazing, I was nearing the finish line, and then she stopped. We had vaginal sex afterwards and I was beside starting over. The sense was gone. Later on, I told the woman that I was nearing my climax when she stopped, and she angrily asked, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”
See she, like me – whenever I’ve been the giver and not the receiver – would have continued for another moment or so to make that climax cum to forwishing (pun intended). Yet without the knowledge of it being near, and a jaw on the verge of “locking”, she felt it best to throw in the towel. I can’t blame her. I’m guilty of stopping in a similar situation or two. But if you tell me you’re about to cum, as 112 once said, “Baby I ain’t go nowhere”.
When we communicated with our partner it provides information, it can alleviate stress, and even bring excitement to a situation. Keeping your partner in the dark is foolish, a waste of time and effort. Being assertive, expressing what you need and want, are more effective and more helpful. Help those who are trying to help you. Once we are transparent about these things, the path ahead will be a much smoother ride. And you’d be surprised how willing they are to reward you for communicating that to them.
Personal hygiene is how you care for your body. This practice includes bathing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth, and more.
Healthline.com
Personal hygiene is our topic this week. It may seem like a no brainer, but it’s not something we should assume that our partner just has mastered. Also, in part two of my dating tips, I spoke about asking questions. You and your partner may view hygiene differently. For example, rag vs no rag (or loofah) when washing. Whichever your choice is may vary from your partner’s. The difference in opinion and cleaning styles can make a big difference.
Hygiene is a weird topic to talk about. People are finicky and this is a sensitive topic to talk about. Especially in 2020 when people “ghost” others for the slightest thing(s). However, the way we take care of our bodies varies from person to person and can affect the bedroom if you’re not careful. I encourage you to talk about this topic. Just tread softly.
There are definitely days when you want to please your partner and see what they taste like after a full day of being up and about. But what if it’s not one of the days you feel that way? What if you’re trying a new natural deodorant and its not working as well as you’d like? Or, what if you just came out of the gym and are all sweaty? Sweaty can be sexy, but not if it taste like, “oh no”. 🤢
Years ago I was seeing a woman who was so concerned with personal hygiene that she washed twice every shower. She used two diferent soaps, and then put a scented lotion all over her body. She smelled just as irresistible as she looked. Especially after she was done moisturizing. However, after a few months I asked her why she never skipped the “kitty” when she did this. She said she wanted to make sure there was never a reason for a man to turn away from oral sex. I totally understood. I asked her could she skip that area next time. I told her that I appreciated her methods and reasoning, but I also wanted to fully taste her. She obliged, and I made sure we both enjoyed ourselves.
On another occasion I had just got home from work, and got a booty call. I said yes, without knowing how soon they’d arrive. When they said they’d be at my place in just a handful of minutes I panicked a bit. I’d showered just before going to work, and work wasn’t very busy. But I prefer to be fresh for my partners. There wasn’t enough time for a bird bath or a quick wash up. So I used a pack of wipes that a friend gave me. They were scented and “for men”, but I’d never used them before. I gave my areas a quick wipe down and finished as they called saying they’d arrived. Things got heavy quick and she started giving me oral sex. Almost immediately she stopped and asked me what I’d done or used to make “him” taste so bad. I was embarrassed to say the least.
To conclude I’ll say this. We all have different styles and scents we use. We all have different natural smells and odors. Your partner has to smell and taste whatever is going on with your body, “private parts”, mouth, etc. Be curtious and think of your partner. Have a conversation with them and see what they like and don’t like. Then you should be able to discuss their routine, scents, etc as well. Keep things mutual, keep things light, and tread softly. Increasing the communication, and the cleanliness are always a good thing. You may not have to change anything, but if you did, it would be for both party’s benefits. Remember, when people enjoy things more, they do them more often.
There were all types of dates you could go on before Coronavirus hit the U.S. and we have all been on our fair share of them. Dinner dates, brunch dates, dates to museums, concerts, and all types of interesting venues. I’m sure that of all the dates you’ve been on, you had a few favorites. Well, as I sit and reminisce about past dates, I wanted to share mine with you.
Prior to Coronavirus hitting the U.S. I was a huge fan of going to the movies. I enjoyed going to the movies and I did so regularly. I had a subscription where I could go to the movies three times a week and see it in any format. That means I could see a 3D movie, a 4D movie, a movie with enhanced sound, a movie in IMAX format, and I could do so three times a week without having to pay any extra charge. Let me tell y’all, I lived in the movies! I’d be there religiously. Alone, with friends, and even with my daughter.
Whenever I had the opportunity to do so with a lady I was getting to know, I would. Some of you may think that this is an insignificant, lazy date, and I can definitely see that perspective. However, I’d like to offer another perspective. I like to use the movies as a date for multiple reasons. And, I’ve got no problem letting you in on exactly why that’s the case. All I ask is that you hear me out …
One of the reasons I enjoy going to the movies, especially with someone you’re getting to know is … it helps you get to know them. You get to learn. Yes, learn. You get to see a bunch of stuff about this person that you would not have known. You also get to see how they react and act with both personal and general things. You probably read that and thought, “How Sway?” Lol. Well, first you learn what types of movies they like to watch.
Next, you get to learn what kind of snacks they like. If you love snacks like I do, this is fun because you get to see what stuff you both like and can share or not share. You also get to see how they react to things that happen in the film. Some of their reactions will come from a personal or intimate place. Others will come from their views on general topics. Both teach you things.
The second reason I like going to the movies is strictly selfish. I like snacking! I also feel that when you can share those snacks, make it a shared experience, its more fun. More snacks and more fun are always a good thing. I like it. I know, its a bit selfish, but I dig it lol.
The next reason is the movies sort of act as a bridge to the next date. Because once we walk out the movie we enter an inquisitive second half of the date. Curiosity has formed and interesting conversations should be flowing now. What did you think of the film? Word, you liked that part? Yo, remember when she fell? That was funny right? Noteworthy things are often mentioned in those conversations. “I thought it was messed up that the government didn’t work harder to stop the spread of the virus”. “It was really funny when she fell in front of the guy she liked, but I also felt really bad for her”. These may seem like simply reactionary comments but they are glimpses of the person’s thoughts and perhaps even their belief system.
This will vary on a person by person basis, what film you saw, and how well the conversations flow. But I find this to be a great took to see how me and this lady gel. It gives us both great insight and can make the time after the movies be both informative and enjoyable. I love picking lady’s brains and seeing what they think of things. The movies gives me a bunch of topics. It may do the same for her. This allows us both to quench our curiosity, share things about ourselves, get to know the person, and more.
To recap, one movie can give you a ton of info and help you get to know this other person. Whether the movie is good or bad, happy or sad, it still works. You can have snacks, good conversation and get to know the other person better. This even works with people you aren’t trying to get to know intimately. Snacks, entertainment, good conversation, and sharing all in one night. I don’t know about you, but this was a blast for me before Coronavirus. I aim to go to the movies again when all of this is over. Maybe I’ll see you there 😁
