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Sex Talk Pt. 4 – Foreplay

The word of the day, better yet, the word of the week is foreplay. Foreplay is often slept on. It’s often skipped, ignored and neglected. Things get hot and heavy, they are flowing and you just want to get right to sex. You can’t think of anything more than penetration and the great feelings it gives each of you. You skip all of the pleasantries and next thing you know you’re in a full on sex session. Now you’re off to the races! But you never warmed up the car … you just drove off and went from zero to a hundred.

You may not hear about it in the barber shop or the local salon, but awesome foreplay does happen. It’s often skipped in stories as well. People seem to focus on the main stage when it comes to sexual activities. I’d like to gear the focus away from that today. Which is probably an unpopular thing to do in today’s instant world. But when we slow down and focus on the details, we get a better story. Just ask yourself, which of these two examples sounds better.

Example 1:

He made me cum so much! Girl, I came like three times back to back then a few minutes later I came again. The sex was great!

Example 2:

He played with my pussy while he kissed me. Then he put his mouth on every part of my body. After I came twice we went to have sex and he teased me some before putting it in. And girl, don’t get me started on the sex! He went slow and then picked up speed. That shit was intense.

Details. The devil is in the details. Make those details matter. Don’t skip them. You wouldn’t jump in your car and floor it. You warm that car up, make sure you have everything you need for yourself and that car, and then you check the mirrors before you start your trip. Well this should be no different.

No matter your sexual preference, how long you’ve been intimate with this partner, how long you’ve known this person, foreplay will make a difference. I don’t mean two kisses and then you fuck either. Take some time, and make it fun for the both of you. Warm that body up. Do the things that they like. Kiss, lick, nibble, bite, and suck on their body. Hit their spots, tease them, and make them want you more.

Good foreplay leads to great sex. You warm the person up, get them all hot and bothered and then provide good sex. That’s a memorable session. I’m not saying you have to perform oral sex on them for an hour straight. But on the flip side of the coin, if you did i’m sure they’d be very thankful and more than willing to show their appreciation in more ways than one.

Foreplay is supposed to be the pregame, the precursor to sex. Don’t skip it. Despite what TV shows, movies and the streets will have you believe, people enjoy foreplay. Good foreplay gets you turned on, in sync with each other, and can even make you cum. And that is all good. You want foreplay to be good. Get good at foreplay and you’ll see your sex life improve.

Lastly, remember that the same way you enjoy foreplay, so do they. Men and women both like foreplay. Never forget that. Foreplay is something everyone enjoys. There will definitely be times when you both want intercourse to happen and want it to happen right now. Thats fine. I’m not saying be a slave to foreplay. But please remember that both of you enjoy it. Do it to them, let them do it to you. Take a few minutes and let the good times happen. Everything in life doesn’t have to be instant or immediate.

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Dating Someone New Pt. 3

Recently I discussed the importance of asking questions. Gaining information, learning, creating solutions and gaining insight all come from asking questions. That segways into our next topic. Which is really just the larger picture. Although this term is often looked at as basic, it is vital in any relationship. And it couldn’t be more important when dating someone new.

in the era of ghosting, dating apps, and short attention spans communication is probably more important than ever. Especially with lockdowns, restrictions, and social distancing complicating the dating scene even more. The layers of complication seem to be mounting against the single crowd. Without communication and a few other tools I don’t see how you’d get through it all. So, let’s speak a bit about communication.

It seems that in 2020 basic communication is almost a foreign notion. There are all types of assumptions and expectations that seem to come out of thin air. Covid19 hasn’t helped that one bit. In fact it’s over complicated some things and simplified others. The first date may just be a video chat now. But even if that is so, you’d have to communicate to set that up.

You’d need to know when the other person’s free, what’s the best time or date for them, and a slew of other things. Doing things spontaneously or off the whim is fine and can be exciting. However, without clear communication things may fall apart rather quickly. One of the keys to any relationship is clearly communicating. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, dad, sister, brother, spouse or best friend. You need to speak and be clear about things.

For example, I am against smoking cigarettes. Better said, I prefer not to deal with anyone on an intimate level if they smoke cigarettes. However, I am obligated to express that to anyone I talk to. If we are exploring things, trying to establish a bond, or even if we have chemistry, a simple cig can tarnish the evening. I’ve made exceptions before and they were respectful. However, even then, I needed to express my limitations.

It is true that asking questions is vital and brings important information out. However, we cannot assume that the other person will ask us a laundry list of questions. We must take responsibility and communicate. At minimum people need to know your intentions, your limitations, your expectations, and so on. Even if we are talking about a, “hook up”.

If you and someone else have established that you’re attracted to one another, everyone got tested (for STIs and Coronavirus), and is ready for fun, great. What next? Consent obviously, but what else? They may just be coming over every Wednesday night at 9pm for a smash and dash, and then jumping in an uber. Sounds great. But not if you’re not communicating properly.

They would need to know when arrive, when to go, can they stay over, do you have roommates, and much more. Again, we cannot assume that they will ask questions or know everything. Letting them know what’s going on prior will make for a smoother time. “I have a roommate, a cat, and after 9pm I’m free all night. If you want to stay over you can, but I have to leave home at 8am to do _____”. That is informative, helpful, and clear.

If you want less mess, communicate more. I’m not saying tell them your deep dark secrets. I wouldn’t go that route. But decide what you need to express, and so in a calm and clear way. I am pretty sure that both parties will benefit from it.

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Dating Someone New Pt. 1

There were all types of dates you could go on before Coronavirus hit the U.S. and we have all been on our fair share of them. Dinner dates, brunch dates, dates to museums, concerts, and all types of interesting venues. I’m sure that of all the dates you’ve been on, you had a few favorites. Well, as I sit and reminisce about past dates, I wanted to share mine with you.

Prior to Coronavirus hitting the U.S. I was a huge fan of going to the movies. I enjoyed going to the movies and I did so regularly. I had a subscription where I could go to the movies three times a week and see it in any format. That means I could see a 3D movie, a 4D movie, a movie with enhanced sound, a movie in IMAX format, and I could do so three times a week without having to pay any extra charge. Let me tell y’all, I lived in the movies! I’d be there religiously. Alone, with friends, and even with my daughter.

Whenever I had the opportunity to do so with a lady I was getting to know, I would. Some of you may think that this is an insignificant, lazy date, and I can definitely see that perspective. However, I’d like to offer another perspective. I like to use the movies as a date for multiple reasons. And, I’ve got no problem letting you in on exactly why that’s the case. All I ask is that you hear me out …

One of the reasons I enjoy going to the movies, especially with someone you’re getting to know is … it helps you get to know them. You get to learn. Yes, learn. You get to see a bunch of stuff about this person that you would not have known. You also get to see how they react and act with both personal and general things. You probably read that and thought, “How Sway?” Lol. Well, first you learn what types of movies they like to watch.

Next, you get to learn what kind of snacks they like. If you love snacks like I do, this is fun because you get to see what stuff you both like and can share or not share. You also get to see how they react to things that happen in the film. Some of their reactions will come from a personal or intimate place. Others will come from their views on general topics. Both teach you things.

The second reason I like going to the movies is strictly selfish. I like snacking! I also feel that when you can share those snacks, make it a shared experience, its more fun. More snacks and more fun are always a good thing. I like it. I know, its a bit selfish, but I dig it lol.

The next reason is the movies sort of act as a bridge to the next date. Because once we walk out the movie we enter an inquisitive second half of the date. Curiosity has formed and interesting conversations should be flowing now. What did you think of the film? Word, you liked that part? Yo, remember when she fell? That was funny right? Noteworthy things are often mentioned in those conversations. “I thought it was messed up that the government didn’t work harder to stop the spread of the virus”. “It was really funny when she fell in front of the guy she liked, but I also felt really bad for her”. These may seem like simply reactionary comments but they are glimpses of the person’s thoughts and perhaps even their belief system.

This will vary on a person by person basis, what film you saw, and how well the conversations flow. But I find this to be a great took to see how me and this lady gel. It gives us both great insight and can make the time after the movies be both informative and enjoyable. I love picking lady’s brains and seeing what they think of things. The movies gives me a bunch of topics. It may do the same for her. This allows us both to quench our curiosity, share things about ourselves, get to know the person, and more.

To recap, one movie can give you a ton of info and help you get to know this other person. Whether the movie is good or bad, happy or sad, it still works. You can have snacks, good conversation and get to know the other person better. This even works with people you aren’t trying to get to know intimately. Snacks, entertainment, good conversation, and sharing all in one night. I don’t know about you, but this was a blast for me before Coronavirus. I aim to go to the movies again when all of this is over. Maybe I’ll see you there 😁