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Sex Talk Pt. 11 – Mutual Pleasure

Do you want sex to be one sided? Are you cool with just one person achieving maximum stimulation? I’m not just talking about coming. I’m talking about cravings and desires being fulfilled. Should only one person feel fully satisfied mentally (yes, sex is also mental), and physically when sex is over? If both parties aren’t being satisfied then the sex wasn’t truly fulfilling. Even if both parties came, that doesn’t mean they are both walking away a hundred percent satisfied.

Some may think that if a person made their partner cum, that the mission of maximum stimulation was achieved. But what about the other person involved? If I came but you didn’t, is the job done? Have your cravings been fulfilled? Probably not. Sex is often said to be an exchange. But there are plenty of statistics showing that it isn’t an exchange. Sadly studies have shown for decades that women come less often than men.

There’s an easy way to change these statistics and an easy way to ensure that everyone has a blast – pun intended. Focus on each other. Focus on making your partner happy. Focus on pleasing them. You can do plenty of small things to boost pleasure. The more you get to know your partner, the easier this becomes. But even if you laid with someone for the first time, as soon as you finished reading this, focusing on their pleasure will separate you from others.

People are often greedy and selfish. Everyone is trying to focus on coming, not coming, focusing on the momemt, attempting not to focus on the many things going through their minds. I understand all of those things and the reasoning behind them. However, if we focus on making the experience great for both parties, we can take things to a higher level of intimacy and pleasure.

In closing, it’s wise to focus on your partner’s pleasure. If both parties are doing this then it is easier to reach the goal of mutual pleasure. It’s easier to be satiated when the session is over. Ensuring your partner’s check list of wants is cleared, can also ensure great sex for two. And for men this can prove as a helpful way of taking your mind off of you reaching the finishline. Keep your partner’s pleasure, cravings and desires in mind at all times.

Quick Links:

Sex Memoir

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Sex Talk Pt. 8 – Communicating

There are plenty of horror stories of people not being able to climax because their partner didn’t know they had to do something specific, or their partner switched what they were doing and it altered the course of their climax. There are also stories of people feeling like they needed to put forth tons of effort to get their partner to the finish line. What if both of these could be avoided? What if a simple tool could help everyone win in all situations? What would we call this tool? Communication is the tool. Let’s talk about the act, of communicating.

Communicating is vital in all relationships. Both sexual and non sexual relationships can thrive or fall apart completely if there isn’t affective communication. Talking with your partner isn’t only important, it can be the key to climaxing, connecting more, and building better chemistry. For example, I’ve been in situations where I was on the reviving end of some A-Class oral sex. It was amazing, I was nearing the finish line, and then she stopped. We had vaginal sex afterwards and I was beside starting over. The sense was gone. Later on, I told the woman that I was nearing my climax when she stopped, and she angrily asked, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”

See she, like me – whenever I’ve been the giver and not the receiver – would have continued for another moment or so to make that climax cum to forwishing (pun intended). Yet without the knowledge of it being near, and a jaw on the verge of “locking”, she felt it best to throw in the towel. I can’t blame her. I’m guilty of stopping in a similar situation or two. But if you tell me you’re about to cum, as 112 once said, “Baby I ain’t go nowhere”.

When we communicated with our partner it provides information, it can alleviate stress, and even bring excitement to a situation. Keeping your partner in the dark is foolish, a waste of time and effort. Being assertive, expressing what you need and want, are more effective and more helpful. Help those who are trying to help you. Once we are transparent about these things, the path ahead will be a much smoother ride. And you’d be surprised how willing they are to reward you for communicating that to them.

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Sex Talk Pt. 4 – Foreplay

The word of the day, better yet, the word of the week is foreplay. Foreplay is often slept on. It’s often skipped, ignored and neglected. Things get hot and heavy, they are flowing and you just want to get right to sex. You can’t think of anything more than penetration and the great feelings it gives each of you. You skip all of the pleasantries and next thing you know you’re in a full on sex session. Now you’re off to the races! But you never warmed up the car … you just drove off and went from zero to a hundred.

You may not hear about it in the barber shop or the local salon, but awesome foreplay does happen. It’s often skipped in stories as well. People seem to focus on the main stage when it comes to sexual activities. I’d like to gear the focus away from that today. Which is probably an unpopular thing to do in today’s instant world. But when we slow down and focus on the details, we get a better story. Just ask yourself, which of these two examples sounds better.

Example 1:

He made me cum so much! Girl, I came like three times back to back then a few minutes later I came again. The sex was great!

Example 2:

He played with my pussy while he kissed me. Then he put his mouth on every part of my body. After I came twice we went to have sex and he teased me some before putting it in. And girl, don’t get me started on the sex! He went slow and then picked up speed. That shit was intense.

Details. The devil is in the details. Make those details matter. Don’t skip them. You wouldn’t jump in your car and floor it. You warm that car up, make sure you have everything you need for yourself and that car, and then you check the mirrors before you start your trip. Well this should be no different.

No matter your sexual preference, how long you’ve been intimate with this partner, how long you’ve known this person, foreplay will make a difference. I don’t mean two kisses and then you fuck either. Take some time, and make it fun for the both of you. Warm that body up. Do the things that they like. Kiss, lick, nibble, bite, and suck on their body. Hit their spots, tease them, and make them want you more.

Good foreplay leads to great sex. You warm the person up, get them all hot and bothered and then provide good sex. That’s a memorable session. I’m not saying you have to perform oral sex on them for an hour straight. But on the flip side of the coin, if you did i’m sure they’d be very thankful and more than willing to show their appreciation in more ways than one.

Foreplay is supposed to be the pregame, the precursor to sex. Don’t skip it. Despite what TV shows, movies and the streets will have you believe, people enjoy foreplay. Good foreplay gets you turned on, in sync with each other, and can even make you cum. And that is all good. You want foreplay to be good. Get good at foreplay and you’ll see your sex life improve.

Lastly, remember that the same way you enjoy foreplay, so do they. Men and women both like foreplay. Never forget that. Foreplay is something everyone enjoys. There will definitely be times when you both want intercourse to happen and want it to happen right now. Thats fine. I’m not saying be a slave to foreplay. But please remember that both of you enjoy it. Do it to them, let them do it to you. Take a few minutes and let the good times happen. Everything in life doesn’t have to be instant or immediate.

Quick Links:

Sex Memoir

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Sweet stuff

In a rare moment, I was listening to some of my own music. I’m like Adam Driver when it comes to this. I hate listening to my own music because it takes me through and array of emotions and it can even ruin my mood for the day. Hard to explain to a person who isn’t a creative or an artist, but I get stuck and criticize my work to an extreme. But, as I was listening to “Where She’s Going”, a line jumped out at me. That line is our latest Dirty Love quote. Hope you enjoy. I’ll be back next week with more for you all.