Posted on

Sex Talk Pt. 23 – How And When To Have Selfless Sex

Selfless sex? Like forget about myself? Completely forget about myself? Yes. Sometimes you have to do this. But when? And why?

I’m a big believer in sex being mutually beneficial. I believe pleasure should be mutual. Too often people only care about themselves and their own needs during sex. However, there are also times when you need to completely forget about yourself and your needs. That’s right, nothing for you and everything for them.

I’m not saying that every time should be completely about them, and your needs should be neglected. Definitely not. But, there’s nothing wrong with putting your needs in your back pocket and completely making it about them for a day. Hit all of their spots, do all of their favorite things, and let them know you want them, and appreciate them. Even if you’re not a fan of talking during sex, let them know before or after. Vocalize that this session is all about them, and showing your appreciation for them.

When: Once in a while. Maybe once a month, or once every three months. It depends on how often y’all get down, and how things are flowing with the two of you. A great time to do this is if you see they are feeling down, or need a little bit of a “pick me up”.

How: Forget about you. Forget about the things you yearn for. Focus on them, and them alone. Do all the things that they like, all of the things that they crave, put them in their favorite positions, and most importantly, tell them that this session is all about them. Tell them you appreciate them, and desire to please them.

To conclude, we all like feeling special. There’s nothing like being the complete focus of a sex session. One episode about a different character won’t ruin the show. In fact, it often helps. Who doesn’t like being told nice things, while all of their favorite things are being done to them, while all of their needs and wants are being met? Whispering nice things to them as you do all of the things that they like, will definitely get you extra points. It’s a gift, that keeps on giving. A gift that won’t be forgotten, and perhaps they’ll return the favor in the near future. But even if they don’t, you will given them a memorable moment, and that’s a win for you too.

Quick Links:

The Coding of a Bachelor

Posted on

Sex Talk Pt. 20 – Learn How To Turn Your Partner On Before Sex

Sex can be great. It can be fun, hot and heavy, and it can overwhelm your senses in a good way. But have you ever been in the opposite position? When someone just tries to get sex to happen without doing anything to turn you on? Like they just expected you to be “hot n ready” like a Lil Ceasars pizza? Have you ever been the person expecting your partner to be ready to go, just cause?

Its true that in some situations you’d assume your partner knew what time it was. But even in booty call or pre-planned moments you shouldn’t assume. Its best to never assume. Because when you assume you skip stuff, answer for the other person, and force the two of you into awkward moments. Which could all be avoided if you took the time to turn them on.

Now, if you’ve been with more than one partner in your life, you know that everyone has different needs, wants and desires. So its imperative that you learn your partner. You need to learn their likes and dislikes, but you also need to learn how to turn them on. Its not just a flick of a switch for everyone. And even wanting to have sex, doesn’t mean they’re turned on. Remember, arousal is physical and mental.

In order to best serve your partner, in order to have great sex, you need to know how to turn them on. You need to know what buttons to push, at what times. What sends them into high gear with the least amount of efforts? What’s their favorite thing that turns them on little by little? Do you know those things? You should. It would benefit the both of you.

In closing, you want to speak to them, study them, and learn how to get them from not in the mood, to “take me now”. The answer isn’t always oral sex or intercourse. Once you’ve found those things out you can take things to new levels. It could be something visual, audible, or physical. It could be a mix of all of them. Maybe they want their ass rubbed, while you choke them, and call them gorgeous. Who knows? Its your job to find out, and its not their job to just be a green light for you to go whenever you want.

Quick Links:

The Coding Of A Bachelor: Part 1

Posted on

Sex Talk Pt. 11 – Mutual Pleasure

Do you want sex to be one sided? Are you cool with just one person achieving maximum stimulation? I’m not just talking about coming. I’m talking about cravings and desires being fulfilled. Should only one person feel fully satisfied mentally (yes, sex is also mental), and physically when sex is over? If both parties aren’t being satisfied then the sex wasn’t truly fulfilling. Even if both parties came, that doesn’t mean they are both walking away a hundred percent satisfied.

Some may think that if a person made their partner cum, that the mission of maximum stimulation was achieved. But what about the other person involved? If I came but you didn’t, is the job done? Have your cravings been fulfilled? Probably not. Sex is often said to be an exchange. But there are plenty of statistics showing that it isn’t an exchange. Sadly studies have shown for decades that women come less often than men.

There’s an easy way to change these statistics and an easy way to ensure that everyone has a blast – pun intended. Focus on each other. Focus on making your partner happy. Focus on pleasing them. You can do plenty of small things to boost pleasure. The more you get to know your partner, the easier this becomes. But even if you laid with someone for the first time, as soon as you finished reading this, focusing on their pleasure will separate you from others.

People are often greedy and selfish. Everyone is trying to focus on coming, not coming, focusing on the momemt, attempting not to focus on the many things going through their minds. I understand all of those things and the reasoning behind them. However, if we focus on making the experience great for both parties, we can take things to a higher level of intimacy and pleasure.

In closing, it’s wise to focus on your partner’s pleasure. If both parties are doing this then it is easier to reach the goal of mutual pleasure. It’s easier to be satiated when the session is over. Ensuring your partner’s check list of wants is cleared, can also ensure great sex for two. And for men this can prove as a helpful way of taking your mind off of you reaching the finishline. Keep your partner’s pleasure, cravings and desires in mind at all times.

Quick Links:

Sex Memoir

Posted on

Sex Talk Pt. 10 – Being Spontaneous

Sex can be great. Especially when the chemistry is right and you’ve gotten to know your partner well. When you know exactly what buttons to press, it’s a blast. But that can change rather quickly if you don’t keep things exciting. Which can prove to be challenging for partners who have been together for a while. So, here’s a way to help keep things fun.

Being spontaneous means doing things differently, possibly randomly, but definitely not routinely. Its very easy to slip into a routine when you’re with the same partner for a while. You might hit a few of your favorite positions, or a few of theirs and that’s it. Or maybe you mix it up, but there just too much sameness overall. Well, then it’s time to think outside of the box. Getting creative and adding some spice to your sex life can be both fun and rewarding.

When you’re stuck in a routine or just not having fun anymore, it’s best to switch it up. Taking a second to think about what may be fun, or what you haven’t done with this partner can change the game. In fact, you can even do something that the two you haven’t done in a long time. Building anticipation can be fun in itself. But catching your partner off guard is even more fun. There are tons of ways to make it happen, but the point is, fun begets fun. Even throwing the routine away for a night (or day) can be a blast.

Making things different, thinking outside the box, or simply being creative is its own reward. Now, when your partner sees that you’re trying to do new or different stuff to spice things up, they’ll greatly appreciate it. They’ll reward you as well. They’ll express their appreciation one way or another. And the experience will be rewarding for you both. Everyone wins when you switch things up.

Being spontaneous means being willing to do something different. Being on your toes and ready to do something beyond the norm (whatever that is for you and your partner). You could take the kids to a sitter and surprise them with an empty house where only candles provide light. That’s different. That works. You could also surprise your partner for lunch break, and give them oral sex in the car and then buy them a meal right after. It all works. You just have to be creative and think about what’s fun for the two of you.

Quick Links:

Off The Rebound

Posted on

Sex Talk Pt. 7 – Planning

A lot of times we “go with the flow” or “freestyle” in the bedroom. Personally I’m a big fan of doing things that feel natural and letting things happen organically. Especially when you and your partner have good chemistry. It’s also nice to plan things at times. It sets a different tone and let’s things flow a bit differently.

When you come with a plan there’s less to be unsure about. You can also be more assertive. You can plan based on cravings or desires as well. For example, if you want to make a mess and get wild you could use whipped cream. Its soft, fluffy and doesn’t stick to body parts well. Mostly because we are warm and it melts. But it doesn’t have to be food or “toppings”.

You can plan a romantic night. You can plan a night full of great foreplay. You can set up a session that’s just based on wild oral sex. You can even do a theme like BDSM night or role play day. There are tons of options here. Each of them takes pressure off of you if you take a second to plan things out. This is even easier when you know your patner well or really listen to them when they talk about sex or sexual desires.

Another reason to put a plan together is to build excitement. It’s not to receive a call or text saying, “Tomorrow you just come through and be ready. I’ve got things planned out and you’re gonna cum a lot and have fun.” That’s a great text/call/email to receive. To just show up and have a blast. Zero pressure or expectations? Who doesn’t like that every once in a while?

To conclude, there is nothing wrong with “freestyling” sex or sexual activities. Its also helpful to switch things up every now and then. Remember that we want to keep sex fun and memorable. Planning ahead of time also gives us a clear path and saves time. Lastly, its easier to do this when you have great communication with your partner. The more you understand them, the easier it is to plan something fun for you both.

Quick Links:

Off the Rebound

Posted on

Sex Talk Pt. 4 – Foreplay

The word of the day, better yet, the word of the week is foreplay. Foreplay is often slept on. It’s often skipped, ignored and neglected. Things get hot and heavy, they are flowing and you just want to get right to sex. You can’t think of anything more than penetration and the great feelings it gives each of you. You skip all of the pleasantries and next thing you know you’re in a full on sex session. Now you’re off to the races! But you never warmed up the car … you just drove off and went from zero to a hundred.

You may not hear about it in the barber shop or the local salon, but awesome foreplay does happen. It’s often skipped in stories as well. People seem to focus on the main stage when it comes to sexual activities. I’d like to gear the focus away from that today. Which is probably an unpopular thing to do in today’s instant world. But when we slow down and focus on the details, we get a better story. Just ask yourself, which of these two examples sounds better.

Example 1:

He made me cum so much! Girl, I came like three times back to back then a few minutes later I came again. The sex was great!

Example 2:

He played with my pussy while he kissed me. Then he put his mouth on every part of my body. After I came twice we went to have sex and he teased me some before putting it in. And girl, don’t get me started on the sex! He went slow and then picked up speed. That shit was intense.

Details. The devil is in the details. Make those details matter. Don’t skip them. You wouldn’t jump in your car and floor it. You warm that car up, make sure you have everything you need for yourself and that car, and then you check the mirrors before you start your trip. Well this should be no different.

No matter your sexual preference, how long you’ve been intimate with this partner, how long you’ve known this person, foreplay will make a difference. I don’t mean two kisses and then you fuck either. Take some time, and make it fun for the both of you. Warm that body up. Do the things that they like. Kiss, lick, nibble, bite, and suck on their body. Hit their spots, tease them, and make them want you more.

Good foreplay leads to great sex. You warm the person up, get them all hot and bothered and then provide good sex. That’s a memorable session. I’m not saying you have to perform oral sex on them for an hour straight. But on the flip side of the coin, if you did i’m sure they’d be very thankful and more than willing to show their appreciation in more ways than one.

Foreplay is supposed to be the pregame, the precursor to sex. Don’t skip it. Despite what TV shows, movies and the streets will have you believe, people enjoy foreplay. Good foreplay gets you turned on, in sync with each other, and can even make you cum. And that is all good. You want foreplay to be good. Get good at foreplay and you’ll see your sex life improve.

Lastly, remember that the same way you enjoy foreplay, so do they. Men and women both like foreplay. Never forget that. Foreplay is something everyone enjoys. There will definitely be times when you both want intercourse to happen and want it to happen right now. Thats fine. I’m not saying be a slave to foreplay. But please remember that both of you enjoy it. Do it to them, let them do it to you. Take a few minutes and let the good times happen. Everything in life doesn’t have to be instant or immediate.

Quick Links:

Sex Memoir

Posted on

More Content

Hey y’all

I’ve decided to begin doing more quote based pics to show off the intellectual side, make things a bit more even and also to provide more thought provoking content. I hope you all enjoy it. This is the first one.

Posted on

Food, Fasting, Smoothies & More

Hey y’all I’m going to be doing all of my fitness blogging on here from now on. I have a new Fibit Ionic, I am using this “quarantine” time to get focused although I still work, and I am dedicated to posting regularly about my fitness journey. I’ll be posting here, and on a new Instagram account that I made just a few minutes ago. On said account I will be sharing .visuals of my plant based meals, recipes, smoothies that I make at home daily, info about fitness and the workouts I’m trying. My goal is to shed weight, get toned, and one day get a six pack. No clue when that day is, but I’m going to work on it regularly. So, welcome to the fitness journey, and I hope that this journey is fun, and informative for you all. Feel free to add the new Instagram account. See y’all soon.

Instagram